A man and his wife are on a nude beach. They are just sitting there,

when all of a sudden a bee flies up into the woman's vagina. Her

husband quickly scoops her up, tosses her into the car, and heads

for the hospital.

The doctor calmly tells the couple, "My prongs are not long enough

so I cannot reach the bee, but I have a better idea. Why don't you

put some honey on the end of your penis, and when the bee lands on

it, pull out and we'll kill it." The husband agrees, so they go to

another room.

As they begin to try, the husband becomes so nervous that he can't

get it up. The couple yells for the doctor to come in. The doctor

enters, and they tell him their problem.

"You know, if she gets stung it could be fatal, so this is very

dangerous. Why don't you let me try?" The couple agrees.

So the doctor puts some honey on his penis and puts it inside the

woman. He starts pumping slowly, and then he increases his pace.

Faster and faster, harder and harder, until he's finally vigorously

thrusting in and out.

"What are you doing?" yells the husband.

"There's been a change of plans," says the doctor, "I'm gonna drown

the bastard!

Yeh righto TPP myth who?

TPP: Knock knock
Dave: Who’s there?
TPP: Myth
Dave: Myth who?
Myth You Too Dave!
.
.
.
.
Graham invited his mother over for dinner.

During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Graham's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Graham and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Graham and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Graham volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Suzy came to Graham and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Graham said, "I don’t really understand what you’re saying, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure."

Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Graham

A couple of days later, Graham received a reply from his mother:

Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mum

Piper

For consistent quality, quantity and very clever humour I vote you the winner of the Great Jokes thread.

Cheers m'dear.

Hear hear. Good call Fractelle.

>>For consistent quality, quantity and very clever humour I vote [Piper] the winner of the Great Jokes thread.<<

The scary thing for me has been the number of them that I hadn't heard before.

I really must get out more.

i read the punchline..before reading the joke...but im with fractile..your a winner...piper

but as were a competitive lot here..[and having had the pleasure of meeting grayhams partner..the link to the ladel...represented her witty bounty in its fullness]...means their contentment goes beyong mere utensil's/possesions...but dont think the joking is over

grayham has some good stuff...and others simply havnt posted...so im thinking now search for more humour...so saying a joke..about the piper

Q:..How many bagpipers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:..Five...One to do it,..and four to criticise his fingering style...to tell him how much better..it was done..in the old days.

Q:..How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A:..he can throw a set..into the middle of a pond..and not hit any of the ducks.

Q:..How is playing a bagpipe..like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A:..You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q:..If you were lost in the woods,..who would you trust for directions,..an in-tune bagpipe player,..an out-of-tune bagpipe player,..or Santa Claus?

A:..The out-of-tune bagpipe player...The other two..indicate you have been hallucinating.

Q:..How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A:..Add vibrato.

Q:..What's the definition of a gentleman?
A:..Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two Scots fighting over a one cent coin.

Phil,..Aiton and Mike were discussing their marital woes at the pub.
"I think my wife is having an affair with a mechanic" said Phil..."Why?" asked the other two. ..I looked under the bed the other day and found a pair of overalls,..a spanner and socket wrench" replied Phil despondently.

"I think my wife's having an affair with a bricklayer"..volunteered Aiton..."Why?" asked the other two..."I looked under the bed the other day and found a trowel and a mortar board"..he choked. "Gee" they all sighed.

Mike thought for a minute then said.."Well, my wife is having an affair..with a bagpipe"..."What?"..exclaimed the other two..."Yeah, I looked under the bed..the other day..and found a piper"