A young boy comes home from school one day, and on going to his room, he hears thumping and squeaking from his parents' room. He naively opens the door to see what is going on, and beholds his dad "giving it" to his mum rather vigorously. While his mum doesn't notice, his dad looks up to see him there, and gives him a big grin and a wink.

The next evening, dad comes home from work. He hears banging and squealing from his son's room. He opens the door to see what's happening, and the son is banging his own grandmother!

The son looks up to see his father standing there, and says, "NOT SO FUNNY WHEN IT'S YOUR MUM, IS IT!"

Dear oh dear Mrs Piper. You're a sick puppie!!

But a bloomin funny one!! ( :>)

Whats the difference between a great lawyer and a brilliant lawyer?

A Great lawyer knows the law,but a brilliant lawyer knows the judge.

A judge dies and goes below where he is stuck on the wall, fire and brimstone is burning around his feet, a demon walks past every now and again and gives him a few lashes with a whip and a little while later one comes past with some salty water and gives him a splash.

He sees a solicitor he knew not far away screwing a blond all day long.

The Devil walks past; The judge says Hoy, whats the idea. That solicitor used to come into my court all the time,and I'm up here and down there he is having a whale of a time.

The Devil looks sternly at the judge: Are you questioning my punishment of that woman!

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in
a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the
food exceptional.

"But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs back
home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called
McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way
for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he
will buy the5th drink for you."

"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion,
the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you
buy the first 2."

"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman "Back home in
Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot
in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all
the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drink
they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid.
All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on
the Irishman's claims.

He swears every word is true. "Well" said the Englishman
"Did this actually happen to you."
"Not myself personally no" said the Irishman, "But it
did happen to my sister."

.

Wiremu, a Kiwi, was in Australia to watch the Bledisloe Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor. "Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.

"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.

Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Bledisloe Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv prostate suckness ey"

"What's the cure thin doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Runner made a note, and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Pelican had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."