A new priest goes to the outback to to take up the position of the new parish pastor.
He decides to take a drive around to see the area & to meet some of the local parishners when he sees young Dave with about 50 head of Bullocks.
The priest pulls up & decides to test young Dave on his knowledge of the Lord.
The priest says to young Dave who made these Bullocks.
Young Dave replies Dad did.
The priest says no Dave the Lord made everything so who made the Bullocks
Young Dave replies again my Dad did
The priest says No my boy if the Lord made everything who made the Bullocks
Once again young Dave replies Dad did
Again the priest says no my boy the Lord made everything the sky the earth you me everything so who made the Bullocks
Young Dave quite pissed off by now says look you dumb priest the Lord may have made them Bulls but my Dad made them bloody bullocks.
Thanks have a good night from Dave.

Rob P

You were QUOTING Protagoras, I didn't notice the << and there was no indication from whom you were quoting. Many apologies.

At least we are agreed that it is a hilarious photo.

Grandpa's Lament

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.

A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!' The Indian doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!' The Chinese businessman called out 'Move it, time is money.' The Catholic priest said, 'Here comes George the greens' keeper. Let's have a word with him.'

'Hello, George,' said the Catholic priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' George the greens' keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The Indian doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls.'

The Aussie said, 'Why the f--k can't they play at night?'

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of:

"Here I come again. ONE,TWO,THREE UUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."

The second dwarf shook his head.

"You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!!"

GRANDPA'S WARNING:

All grandpas heed this warning: Do NOT lose your grand kids at the mall.

My grandson got away from me last Sunday at the mall.

He approached a uniformed security guard and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!'

The guard asked, 'What's he like?'

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied:

'Fishing, Chivas Regal whisky and ladies with big tits.'

G'Day All
One thing about this thread is that it gives me faith that there are others out there as "sick" as me
As I say have a laugh as it is better than what you are doing and that is reading this post.

Dave adjusting the tappets on the car
Five thousandths hot
Three thousandths cold
Half an inch is near enough
The car is already sold

Dave & his 2 mates Mick & Bob are captives of the enemy .
The commander calls them in & says that if they can get 15inches between them they can go free
Well Mick dropped out 71/2 inches
Bob dropped out 7inches
Dave dropped out 1/2 an inch
Well that made the 15inches so they went free
As they were leaving Mick proudly says lucky for my 71/2 inches
Mick says lucky I had 7inches
Dave replies you are both lucky I had a hardon
Thanks have a good life from Dave