On the first day God created the sun – so the Devil countered and created sunburn. On the second day God created sex. In response the Devil created marriage. On the third day God created an economist. This was a tough one for the Devil, but in the end and after a lot of thought he created a second economist!

_________________

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.'

'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'

'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'

Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'

The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.

For Rehctub:
http://www.coolholidaygraphics.com/thanksgiving/funnypictures/funny4.jpg

For Houel:
http://media.photobucket.com/image/funny/glittergn/funny/6.jpg

For Everyone:
http://images.paraorkut.com/img/funnypics/images/d/dirty_mind_poster-13025.jpg

For Foxy:
http://www.snootypaws.com.au/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/fox-hunt.jpg

To Protagoras
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-kitten-hug.jpg

Rude:
http://funnyonly.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/small-print-warning.gif

For Yabby:
http://www.salagram.net/joke-flies.gif

(This isn't a joke for the politically correct, but I think most of you will be fine).

Once upon a time, many hundreds of years ago, there was a merchant, who would travel between the great trade hubs of the middle east, plying his wares.

He would travel vast distances across open deserts that seemed to stretch beyond the horizon and into infinity. Through scorched lands he would wander alone, with no sounds but his own trudging footsteps and the regular hoof-beats of his pack-camel.

At times, the isolation and loneliness would become suffocating. There were no other people for hundreds of kilometres, and the only company he had was his loyal camel.

One night, after indulging in some of the wines he had planned to sell, he felt incredibly lonely. There was nobody out here but him and his camel, which looked at him from beyond the flickering light of his fire.
Looking into its soft brown eyes, he felt something stirring. Even though he knew it was wrong, he lumbered over to the camel and took it by the hump, as it were. As he pressed his lower belly towards its rear, the camel realised what was about to happen and took off at a gallop.

Dejected, the merchant sat down alone, regretting his shameful impulse. He swore to himself he would never do it again and prayed that his loyal camel would return.

A day later, the camel warily trotted back to him. An immense relief washed over him.

Three weeks later however, and still a month away from his destination, he again felt lonely and dejected. Looking at the camel's soft brown eyes stirred him once again and he simply couldn't resist the temptation from within. When he attempted to grasp the camel however, it reacted the same way, galloping off into the distance.

This time it didn't return for three days. When it did, he again made a pact with himself, to not give in to such forbidden desires.

Cont'd.

A week later, the merchant found himself lost amongst mysterious stone valleys - an unforeseen occurrence, as the trader could always unerringly find his way. As he wandered, confused by the unfamiliar shadows cast by the moonlight, he came across a sparkling oasis. Beyond the oasis lay a mysterious stone monolith, with a flickering green light emanating from its core.

The merchant slowly approached the source of the green light, and within its bright corona he beheld a spectacular golden lamp. Intricate carvings looped along each side, displaying a glorious battle the likes of which could only be comprehended within the imagination, it's scope too spectacular for a limited world.

These carvings however, were flawed in one respect. A small smudge of dirt blocked one side. The merchant grasped the lamp, and hastened to clean off this imperfection.

From inside the lamp, a purple mist emerged, enveloping the trader and inflaming his senses. A booming voice resonated across the stone valley, as a mysterious apparition took form.

The genie's visage was fierce, albeit noble. From within that ancient face however, the trader could see a kind of exhaustion that came from centuries of imprisonment.

"Alas, it is custom to grant my liberator three wishes, however I've been hobbled for too long and my powers doth wane. I can grant you one wish, so let it be your heart's greatest desire".

The merchant, thinking of all those nights alone and miserable, knew his answer. "Genie, grant me a woman with the beauty of a goddess, who might obey my every whim with enthusiasm and willingness."

With a loud BANG the genie vanished, and where he had stood there was now a beautiful seductress, clothed in naught but a single golden leaf.

The merchant, eager with anticipation, found himself somewhat shy, but he approached her and kneeled beside her. He marshalled his courage and spoke haltingly. "I'm a simple man, and I'm not particularly good at talking to women. I... I'm really not sure how to make this request, but... could you please hold that camel still while I..."

G'Day All,
Santa slides down the chimney puts some presents under the tree & turns to leave.
A gorgeous young 18 year old in a flimsy nightie enters the room & upon seeing Santa asks him to stay
Santa replies Ho Ho Ho me gotta go me got presents to deliver you know
The young 18 year old exposes her breasts & asks Santa again to stay
Santa says again Ho Ho Ho me gotta go me got presents to deliver you know
The young 18 year old then drops her panties& asks Santa one more time to stay
Santa then replies Hey Hey Hey me gotta stay me wont get up the chimney this way.
Thanks have a good life from Dave

Thanks for this thread Yabby been some great Jokes
Thanks to all
You all have a good life
Bye from Dave