You are posting some good ones Dave, so here is one for you !

True Romantics!
AUSTRALIAN VALENTINES POEM

Of course I love ya darlin'
You're a bloody top-notch bird,
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word.
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab,
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab.
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care,
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there.
No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts,
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best.
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies,
I think it's very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs.
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met,
I thought U was as good as I
Was ever gonna get.
No matter wot U look like
I'll always love ya dear,
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer!

TPP
Your one sick gal then again there's alot sicker out there they laugh at the jokes.
One about a shiela wanting a divorce and the old judge asked on what grounds should he grant the divorce
The shiela replies well me ole man has only spoke to me six times in six years.
The judge gave her the divorce and granted her custody of the six kids.
Afew oldies What's the
Definition of suspicion - man doing pushups in long grass
Definition of agony - dog in the desert without a tree
Definition of frustration - teeth marks on a toilet door
then there's the old
Scream in a dark alley by Willy Raper
yellow stream by I P Daley
rustling in the grass by Willy Ryder
Then you have a couple
Mary had a little lamb
It came a great surprise
When old McDonald had a farm
It really opened their eyes

Mary had a little pig
Couldn't stop it grunting
Took it down the garden path
And kicked its little c/nt in
Don't tell my nursury rhymes to the kids neither TPP

As Always I wish you all a good life. from Dave

Sorry about that Yabby I must have missed your post as I was writing the reply to TPP
Well me & the missus went out twice a week for some good wine, food & company
Her Tuesdays Me Thursdays.
In 20 years of marriage I never said a bad word to her, I could never get one in
For our anniversary she asked me to take her somewhere she hadn't been for a long time, I suggested the kitchen
She was a dirty house keeper I got up at 1am to have a leek in the sink & the washing up was still there from the morning before
If it wasn't for marriage there would be no divorce

Hear about the near sighted whale? Followed a submarine, & everytime the sub fired a torpedo he passed ouit cigars.

Be Good
If you cant be good
Be good at it
If you cant be good at it
Then please be bloody careful

First sign of madness is talking to yourself
The second sign is answering yourself
The third sign is arguing with yourself
And the forth sign is when you lose the argument

Have a good life from Dave

Hey lift ya game my fellow posters and enjoy some fine classical music:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=4971830

Nightie night.

Loved it Potagoras. Even made a little toddler giggle.

Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afganistan, several years before the Afgan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation, said, "Land mines.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more ... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died ... I'm married to his f%#&@&$ widow.