Formersnag and his wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

Formersnag also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, he slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
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Once Fractelle’s divorce was final, she went to the local RTA and asked to have her maiden name reinstated on her driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," Fractelle replied.
"Oh, good," says the clerk. "You got the house."
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Hasbeen goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at him and asks how old he is.
"I'm 84 years old," he says."
“84!"replies the woman "Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says Hasbeen, "how much do I owe you?"
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Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?

what does a woman say when she walks into a fishshop...i dont know either im not a guy...but its interesting you knowing what a guy says...not thinks when going into a bar

depends how he walks into what kind of bar...if he hit his head on a protuding bar [and he hurt his head/body...he would possably say oops..or that was rathersilly of me...or what half wit left that bar poking out of the roof

or if walking into a bar he could say one ticket please...or jeez this looks like a gay bar...or a chocolate bar...anyhow you gave the best jokes bar nun/none numb..

anyhow did you see 7.30 report tonight
went for a link but its not up yet...about kids abused in victoria...huge bun fight

here is link to another one they did yesterday...link should come up soon for tonights..dont miss it piper

yesterday was<<...SUSPECT: Who would meet a girl under the age of ... meet someone under the age of 18.

GREG HOY: They are it seems catching them like flies. But what happens once they're caught to prevent repeat offences just how corrective are corrective services?

SEX OFFENDER: On three separate occasions I asked to do the sex offenders program. And I was turned down.

GREG HOY: Why?

SEX OFFENDER: I was basically told that because I didn't have a really long sentence they didn't have the resources to give me the help that I needed.

from
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2009/s2688199.htm

but make sure you catch todays..it was dynamite

“SEX OFFENDER: I was basically told that because I didn't have a really long sentence they didn't have the resources to give me the help that I needed.”

That’s awful UOG and unbelievable not having the resources here when I see millions going in every direction to deal with kids after a sex offense has been committed.

Does this have anything to with the ACMA talked about in the Baby Swinging Topic?

Thanks for the heads up and I’ll check it out tonight - or do they repeat it today? I may be back on this evening in a very bad mood though.

And yes you got it right, When a man walks in to a bar he says “ouch”.[smile]

And a typical conversation in my household:

Julie: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Julie: "Yes or no."

jewels it was on last night
its just not yet posted in the archive...yet
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/archives/2007/730_200909.htm

the archive will[should]..have it in two days
till then it should appear here ...
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/
sometime in the day...

currently its still from the 16 th
the show im,..talking about was yesterdays..[on the 17 th]

cant think of a joke at the moment..got a riddle though..bought a few fish...now need to know the names of the fish i bought...funny there are 11 bottum dwellers..[bottom feeders..with wiskers...two dolars of feeder fish...and 3 bucks work of crays..oh and 5 bucks of goldfish...all cramed into a coffin sized large..tank...with the origonal 5 goldfish

its very peacefull...im learning the character of my new guests..the big goldfish dont like the albino bottum feeders...and the eel like striped ones..[@7 bucks a piece...simply look devine..and the fatter speckled bottum feeder..has guilt attatched...they forgot to charge..and i said nothing...i felt so guilty went and spent 50 bucks[thats how i got the other fish[previously mentioned..

.anyhow jokes on me..i feel guilt everytime i see her...shes plump and fertile looking...but shouldnt be here...i guess its a joke..but the rememberance...it would have been cheaper to pay the 5 bucks..tell the checkout she made error...that let me create guilt..

its both sad and funny..but then what aint

PP,

"Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?"

Ouch?

Funny you having fish that are in different realms.

My favourite thing is to stare in to my three little ponds until I see life. I think there are only a couple of goldfish still swimming around. One I haven’t seen for awhile. But I love the little swimming bugs, I don’t know what most of them are besides some mozzie babies that the tadpoles eat.

I would like a big indoor tank, I like tropical eels. This will be a huge expense so any “mistakes” at the cash register will be welcome. My house is not ordered yet, I need to get some concrete poured in one bit to even the floors then flooring laid before I can, without hassel, have a fishtank.

OUG, this is simple, go back and pay the five bucks. Call that fish “fiver”.

Okay so I will keep an eye on the abc thing. I should have known, this has happened before when you have seen something and I have waited for the link.

And I forgot to post the answers to my riddle from days ago:

Who is a predator that hunts nothing, a crustacean without a shell, a brain south of the esophagus , a geometric shape with a voice, a broken vessel that doesn’t leak, a stringed instrument that makes no noise, a test without questions, movement with no progress, a measure of things with no ruler, a finder without eyes, a dyslexic without the impairment, a bird that does not fly, a blossom with no petals, a cleaner who fights dirty , a wood without trees, a redneck who is broad minded, a song without a voice?
Foxy
Yabby
Belly
Fractelle
Crackcup
Banjo
Examinator
Runner
Protagoras
Seeker
Rehctub
Pelican
Cornflower
Antiseptic
Forrest
Col Rogue
Otokonoko

Hey Rob! Q: How far can a dog run into the forest