G'DAy All,
Aye, RobP, What's this bloody bragging that you can remember thirty years ago, you having a dig at my poor old memory.
Thanks from Dave.

It’s alright Dave, both the Kiwi’s are kept busy making up jokes about the Maoris’ and Samoans.
.
.
.
.
Forrest and Petal Gumpp are flying overseas for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Forrest turns to his wife and asks, "Petal, did we pay our Telstra bill yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Forrest, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Petal, did we pay foxtel before we left?"

"Oh, no... I'm sorry. I forgot”, she says.

"One last thing, Petal, Did you remember the bill pay to Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.

"Forgive me, Forrest," said Petal. "I didn't pay those ones, either."

Forrest grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in years.

Petal pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"

Forrest answers, "They'll find us!

It was Yabby's 80th birthday. Looking forward to a night in watching a Swedish movie on SBS, Yabby had just cracked his first can of beer for the evening.

As Yabby's hearing was no longer as sharp as it used to be, he failed to hear a tapping at his door. The tapping increased to a series of bangs shuddering the flimsy door of his unit. Reaching for his walking frame, Yabby shuffles to the door. As he wasn't expecting visitors (all of his mates had gone to the big pub in the sky) he put the chain on the door before opening. Through the gap, a slender stiletto clad foot emerged lengthening to a shapely leg clad in black fishnet stockings.

Yabby nearly collapsed, if not for the walking frame, however a sultry voice brought him to attention, "I have come to give you super sex." Yabby gasped, "I'll take the soup."

Talking of the Irish .....

Paddy and Mick were each enjoying a Guinness down at the local, the Boyne Groyne. They had been there a couple of hours, swapping yarns and telling jokes, when suddenly Paddy grimaces and holds his head in both hands.

"Whats the matter, Paddy?", says Mick.

"Its one of me damn migraines, Mick", says Paddy. "Its worse than an earful of fifes and drums in the marching season. To be sure, its like a real tight band around me head." adds Paddy. Lily (Lily Bulero, the barmaid) overhearing Paddy, comes up to the two drinkers and hands Paddy a folded paisley bar mat. "Twist that real hard, Paddy, as if you were wringing the bastard's neck. It sometimes makes 'em go away." advises Lily.

Paddy twists the paisley bar mat for all his worth, but it doesn't get rid of the migraine.

"Paddy, you know what I do if I get a bad headache?", say Mick. "I go home to the wife, stick me head between her boobs, and give it a real good shake, the way a cat or dog does. Gets rid of the headache every time! You ought to try it."

"I think I might take yer advice, Mick. To be sure, its gettin' worse by the minute.", says Paddy, leaving his pint of Guinness unfinished on the bar. "That migraine must be real bad for Paddy to leave his pint unfinished.", says Lily to Mick. "I don't think we'll be seein' any more o' Paddy this evenin'." Mick agrees, and resigns himself to drinking alone.

About half an hour later Paddy breezes back into the pub, looking as fresh as a daisy. "To be sure to be sure yer were right Mick! That head shake between the wife's boobs does the job alright. I feel on top of the world now.", says Paddy, and promtly drains his unfinished Guinness that had been warming nicely while he was gone. Smacking his lips, Paddy then says "Begorrah, Mick, and that's a nice house yer have!".

Ring the bell, fast!

A. Russell
A. Doug
A. Eileen
A. Pete

Question: How did the Greeks come to Australia?

Answer: Most Greeks were boat people. The prime number of them came on the SIEV of Eratosthenes.

Question: Why is there no perjorative term for people of Greek ethnicity in Australia?

Answer: Because it was thought the last Greek off the SIEV of Eratosthenes was giving his name when he said O'Meagher, and the whole boatload were taken to be gaelic-speaking Irish, Micks. Subsequently, many men of Greek descent have adopted the name Nick, just to draw a distinction between them and those who were Micks. Hence, 'Nick the Greek', hardly a perjorative term. Quite orthodox, really.

Question: What one word describes a Greek army parachute battalion drop?

Answer: Condescention. From the singular - Con, descending.

Just thought I'd parachute those ones in for Bronwyn, and because I didn't want any ethnic Greeks to feel too left out, which they have had to be on the 'Your tribal past ...' thread. Now thats tautological, isn't it? "Ethnic Greeks".

More mist for the grill.