Finally dragged one out from the depths.

CJ was on holiday in a small Mexican village, watching the fisherman unloading some large yellow fin tuna from his boat.

"Nice fish" said CJ "Take you long to get them?

"Not long. Couple of hours"

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked CJ

"My friend, I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

CJ was curious "What do you do with the rest of your time?"

"Amigo, I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life."

"But listen" said CJ " If you spent more time fishing, you'd catch more, and you could buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The fisherman thought about this for a while, "But, how long will this all take?"

"Oh," said CJ "15 years, maybe 20"

"But what then?"

"That's the best part." said CJ. "When the time is right you announce an IPO, sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

"Come now", said CJ, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos..."

It was time to take the old dear to be looked after. She couldn't even remember to eat, poor thing.

It was sad, seeing her sitting their in her wheelchair as I chatted to the nurse about her care.

Such a nice girl, that nurse. Even while we were talking, she'd notice that the old lady was tilting sideways, and straighten her up.

Must have happened half a dozen times. Mum would lean to the left, then to the right, each time the nurse was attentive enough to catch her and set her upright again.

When it was time to go, I looked Mum in the eyes. "Mum" I said "These nice people will look after you. You don't have to worry about a thing".

I could see her lips moving a little, so leant in to try and catch what she was saying.

Couldn't hear at first, but when I got right next to her, I could just catch the words, very faintly

"They won't let me fart."

Finally somebody made me laugh out loud - you're an utter bastard Pericles...

The fart joke was funny too. Actually, I once attended a seminar presentation of an anthropological paper that explored the continuity of fart jokes across cultures, from a postmodernist perspective. Apparently everybody finds farts funny.

I thought the paper was somewhat on the nose.

Mind you, from personal experience I can attest that the old 'pull my finger' gag works with all children, across all cultures that I've had anything to do with.

Foxy and Piper's most recent jokes were very good too, but loved Pericles joke on CJ - clever, ironic and true.

As for 'pull my finger' - I can remember creepy old men asking me to do so when I was a kid - and I never did, it was years before I discovered the link to farting. Even as a kid I wouldn't be manipulated.

Here's one for Pericles:

"Pericles was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the door frame of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck charm that helped him chart his future business prospects. But do you believe in that superstition? he was asked, and Pericles said, "Of course not!" But then why do you keep it? "Well," he said, "it works whether you believe in it or not."

OH DEAR..i thought i would yahoo up..for ye all..the ode to the fart
http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0oGkmaZjqlKvjkBouyl87UF?p=ode+to+the+fart&fr=sfp&fr2=&iscqry=

but wouldnt you know...im wading up to my neck in em

do fart have lumps?

i think..i just might have..pooped me pants

anyhow wading in most..[except this one]
http://www.misscellania.com/miss-cellania/2009/8/25/ode-to-a-fart.html

link to this

Rabbie Burns,..Ode tae a fart?

ODE TAE A FART

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly..after the feastie
Just as ye sit..doon..among yer kin
There starts to stir..an enormous wind

The neeps..an tatties..and mushy peas
Start working..like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding..wi the saucie face
Will have ye blawin..all ower the place

Nae matter..whit the hell..ye dae
A’body’s gonna..have ta pay

Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet..cumming..oot a rifle.

Hawed yer bum...tight tae the chair
Tae try an stop..the leakin air

Shift yerself..frae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God..it disen-nae leak

But awe yer efforts..go asunder
Oot it comes..like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me!..A sonic boom!

God almighty..[foorgive me lord]...how badly..it fairly reeks
Hope ah huvne..broke ma breeks
Tae the bog..ah better scurry
Aw,..whit the hell,

..it’s no ma worry

An erry’body roon aboot me...choking
Wan or twa..of em..are nearly bokin

I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help..but raise a smile

Wis him!...
was him...I shout with accusing glower
Alas!..Too late...he’just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger..they shout and stare
Ah...feel welcome nae mair

Were e’re ye go,
let yer wind gang free
Sounds like just the job for me

Whit a fuss..at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake...o wan wee farty!

R.S. Burns

Its Fast farting

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart

Q; What gets wetter as it dries?

Benk:”A; A towel”

There is just no getting one past you people.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
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A woman was paying for some items in Rehctub’s shop - a small packet of bacon, 2 sausages and 200gms of minced lamb. Rehctub said, "You're single, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Because you're really ugly," replied Rehctub.