V.Amberlee, now I'm all embarrased. Sorry if I gave a scary bark. I have one son who is 10 years old (a count of boys over the weekend just gone would have given a different result but the others were not mine). The friendships that can grow out of online discussions can become important, we get to talk about issues that most social friends can't get near (at least not when sober).

Sorry about the sporatic responses, my PC is dying a slow death and I keep getting reboots at unexpected times.

PALE, I support kids being kept away from actual abuse. That does not mean claims of abuse invented to help a residency or property case. It does not mean claims of abuse which are about one parent being willing to keep boundaries in place for kids and the other not liking it. It's about substantaited abuse with a valid risk of it re-occuring. The same reasons that the government would consider valid reasons to take children away from intact two parent families.

Repartnering by one parent is not about abuse by the other, that's a different issue.

If the new partner is more important than the kids then residency stays in the area where the kids formerly resided if the other parent is willing to take it on. The parent who makes the choice to relocate should not be empowered to pass on the negative consequences to their kids and former partner. If that can't happen for some reason then the parent losing contact with their kids due to the other parents choices also could lose the legal financial obligations (better still be compensated for their loss).

I've not sat through Family Court proceedings but have seen and heard how my ex's friends have used it to seek better outcomes for themselves. I've been through the Federal Magistrates Court and seen how little import is given to truth in that place.

R0bert

V Amberlee
Yes but in that case it would all be about you and your kids - wouldnt it?
When in fact in the real world he may also have kids- So what about his kids x wife and their postion.
See what I mean.
We should be careful not to cast stones.
I have a friend in the most difficult postion because he wants to move closer to his kids which would pretty much cut out her x seeing theirs.
So in the end all I am saying is nobody can live in the past.
We can not put demands on others.
What we CAN do is to do the very best we all can.
We all want what is best for our kids and you will get no arguments from me there. However iF your x meets the love of his life and she lives five hundred miles away and they are expecting another child to that marriage he can hardly say. No because my x - you- wont like it can he?
Anyway from what I have seen its certainly NOT a great idea to live too close to the x with her x guy jodging his x
Its full of tention and arguments which is much worse on all!of the children.
I hope all that makes some sense to you.
Sure if your x never has another marraige and no more kids and he wants to be close
It might be good for the kids.
Each case is different.
Thats all .

Robert
Of course its not meant to be abused. However - it is. Your correct.
There are many Dads who also abuse the system as well.
Over all I agree. Kids should NOT be used as a pawn to control the other party- which includes x wifes controlling and threating the other party as to where he lives for the rest of his life.

Ie if you move away you wont see the kids. Dont expect me to let the kids come down there to you!
Dont expect me to let the kids come to stay with you because "shes" there.
All too familar and too controlling and too many x wives try to control their x husbands ' Especially if hes got a new lady in his life. Hell have no fury etc Very Sad for the Kids indeed.

If Daddy lives a long way just tell the kids how very much he loves them and how important they are to him to travel so far as often as he can.
NOT your fathers moved away from us!

Its damaging to the innocent children and 80% of Mothers do use these unfair tactics of the men and the kids until they find another husband or partner.
Thats a fact Robert and its very unfair on men and the children they love.
The other twenty percent are as you say. They hide from being located because of abuse.
Maybe people should have to have a licence to have kids considering we are required a licence to drive on our roads.

If the relationship is getting serious and there are children involved from prior marriages, it is an issue that should be discussed before moving forward with the relationship. Every situation is different and it's up to those involved to come to a resolution. I am not in that situation so my opinion is limited by lack of experience. I will say that I wouldn't put any man before what is best for my boys. So yes, it would be "all about me and my kids" as it should be since my #1 priority is them

Hey RObert - Was your home in tact when all the boys left? My home is always full with the neighborhood kids and it's not easy sometimes but I like that they hang out here because I know what they are doing and who their friends are .. I just wish they weren't so loud and eat me out of house & home...boys eat to much...LOL. Does your son still let you hang out with him and his friends or are you banished from the room? So far I am still "cool" but I know it wont last.
Can I ask a personal question? How long have you been divorced? Do you get to see your son often? I'm just asking because of the topic of distance that we've all been having

PALE, unfortunately there don't seem to be any easy answers. We end up having to work towards harm minimisation and from my persepective minimising interference by the government, once they start taking sides those they side against are in a very difficult place.

V.Amberlee, the house survived. Freshly cleaned floors have some suspicious marks etc but thats fine. Divorced about 3 years, seperated 4 1/2 years. We started out close to 50/50 on care with a midweek and mid weekend changeover. From a practical sense that seemed to work very well. My ex wanted to get to 80/20 within a couple of weeks (at a guess just after she found out about child support formula's). We had an unpleasant residency battle after she moved out of the area and tried to take residency with her. I eventually gave in to arrangements that had almost no chance of working long term because the ongoing conflict was hurting us all too much (I'd already ditched my solicitor because the legal bills were crippling me). We managed to maintain a form of shared care but it was very difficult.

My sons behaviour spiralled out of control until his mum sent him back to live with me. We had a rough start with that as he'd been told a lot of lies and had got used to boundaries not being backed up. Over the last 11 months his behaviour has pretty much turned completely around so he is happier and his mum seems to be a lot more settled.

He is with me 12 to 13 nights a fortnight most of the time (but does see his mum sometimes for a couple of hours on a weeknight).

I'm largely ignored when he has friends his own age to play with unless we all do something which needs me. We did a couple of long push bike bike rides over the weekend. I don't think "cool" is much of an issue yet.

R0bert