V Amberlee

I have been reading your thread with interest.

You will get into all sorts of situations if you re Marry or have a new partner or boyfriend.
To make it work you must consider your new partner who may decide he wants to take the family to meet his friends for a BBQ etc.
Like wise he may have a past and those arrangments you have made may clash with his other x wife etc.

You have brought something different to OLO.
We all know a bit more about Robert and his life.
Thanks Robert and thanks V Amberlee
Its` Nice.
Good Luck to you and I hope you never have to suffer the second wife sydrom and the guilty x husband trip first wives often lay on x husbands because they dare to get on with their lives.

My partner and I moved because his x wife just would not let go.
At first she tried to stop him from seeing the kids at all.
He was a good Dad and provider so it was only because she wanted to hurt him
We fought and fought and spent our house money on lawyers.
All of a sudden she decided we could have the kids. I mean every weekend. Then it got to be almost every night. She moved three times to[ as she put it] keep the kids close to their Dad.
She would ring almost on a daily basis to HIM - Never me! to ask if I could pick the kids up.
She knew through the kids when we planned somethng special such as a family wedding and always rang just before to say you have! to take the kids just to spoil our plans.

By this time we had two of our own. Our life was a mess. I could not cope. In the end my kids were suffering because of arguments and his kids picked on them.
I told him he either put our marriage and kids first or I was leaving.
So yes we all put our own first.

V Amerlee
So what I am saying is if ever your x moves on with his life to another marriage dont try to make him stay in am area if his new wife wants to live elsewhere.
It totally destroys the children with the tention in two houses.
Just let him see the kids when he can and let his kids know he loves them.
It doesnt matter if ts not every weekend or every second weekend.
Also as much as you can try to appreciate and consider his second wife or partner.
Its not her fault your marraidge broke up and most times it is her! who makes the beds and cooks the meals for your kids.
I am not suggesting you try to make her your life buddy but a bit of repect goes a long way beleive me.
I remember once his x actually said Thanks to me.
I went inside and sat down and cried.
I guess thats all any of us want in life to be treated with respect.
It must of been an odd day for her because she has never once thanked me since despite the fact I still knock myself out when we have them for holidays.
I know she holds it against me he found somebody else. I think she is seeng a man sat the moment because shes not so fixed on calling every single night just to interupt our dinner time.
Maybe one day if she marries him and he has an X with kids she might know what she has put my kids through and our household and marriage.
Boy I sure do hope so!
Sorry

V.Amberlee this will be off topic but did you know you get a mention elsewhere on the site in one of Forrests well crafted pieces of prose.
In the second of a two part post

http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=884#15541

http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=884#15578

If you are not familiar with the setting it is based around Thomas the Tank Engine a popular childrens series. Enjoy.

TarynW, the situation you describe seems to be one where the people who move don't take the kids with them. A difficult decision but at least one that cannot be about vindictiveness or financial gain from the kids on the part of the parent moving.

R0bert

Robert
Sorry but what are you saying to Taryn?
My friend is in her second marraige also. She has the two from her first marraige and he has three to his first as well.
Are you saying neither of these people should have moved because their x partners didnt move with them?
In his case it was the x wife who moved out of the area first and I think she was entiled to.
Anyway if you could clear that up so I understand what you mean.
I think you mean that the people with the main care of the child ought not to move to another area away from the X
Is that correct?

PALE, assuming that the other parent has tried to be actively involved in the childrens lives - then I don't think that is fair or in the children's interests for one parent to move away and take the kids with them. From a legal perspective I think that transfering the residency to the other parent or absolving them of financial responsibility for children they don't see because of the choices of the resident parent are the best 80/20 type solutions. They won't fit all cases but have to be far better than what we have now.

There are not easy solutions, it would be unfair to expect someone to stay in a case where the other parent is one who could not be bothered with the children and moving away is going to make no real difference to their involvement with the children anyway.

R0bert

Hi TarynW and welcome. I'm glad you can join us. I am so sorry for what you go through. Why is it that when couples break up they automatically hate the new spouse? It is unfair, I agree. My ex did have a girlfriend for a while and he actually spent more time with the kids when they were together. I will admit that I did get a little jelouse in the beginning because my kids loved her so much but I quickly got over it. I liked her, she was very nice and very loving to the boys which was great. I didn't worry when she was around because I trusted her, she was very motherly. We got along great and I was happy that he had someone.
It sounds to me like your husband’s ex doesn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to either. She just can’t stand that he has another family and can be happy without her. This would understandably put strain on your marriage but don’t let it ruin it. Things do change over time and maybe she will accept that he has a new family. What if you called her for advice on the kids or something? Make her feel respected as their parent and maybe she will change her ways? I know when my ex’s new girlfriend called to ask me if she could by my son a particular toy (she wasn’t sure if it was appropriate or not for his age) I thought that she was very considerate. Sometimes you can change someone’s attitude by showering them with kindness. I hope things turn around for you. Keep us posted.