I agree with you 100% TJ, our children a miracles and trust me, I do cherish every moment with them. How do I get their father to see what he is missing and be more involved. I want very much for him to be a positive part of their lives. I see how hurt my kids are because in daycare they see their friend's get picked up by their dads and when we go to friend's houses they see how involved and loving other fathers are...I know they feel abandoned by their dad but I defend him by saying he works so hard so they have everything they need. I am sad about this because if I had to chose between child support and his time with them (quality time, not just sitting in front of the t.v.!) I would choose that he spend the time...
I tell him what I see in them and share certain experiences, like my youngest who tells his class all these great tales about his dad, hoping that he will see how much they want to be with him but he doesn't seem to care. Sometimes I think they are better off since he is "the way he is" but my boys love him and want to be loved by him. Does anyone have advice or thoughts on this?

I don't understand half of what you've said, Forrest Gumpp, but for what I did understand, thank you. I had requested that my post be deleted and was told that it can stay. I am thrilled because I look forward to reading what you all have to say. There is LIFE on this post, maybe a bit harsh at times but I can take it. :)

Hello V.Amberlee

You obviously want your children's father to see his kids but for some reason or another he is just not interested. It certainly shows a degree of immaturity and selfishness about him and there is not a darn thing you can do to change that. He probably loves his children however seems to love himself first, his job second, his friends third, his fling fourth, the lack of responsibility/accountability fifth and the kids might just sneak somewhere between fifth-tenth.

Reassure your kids that the lack of his physcial presence has nothing to to with them andis NOT their fault. Reassure they are loved by their mother and extended family. At the end of the day, children will make up their own minds about the missing parent and karma will prevail. And it takes only one great parent to provide for the physcological reassurance and care.

Last piece of advice. Try to place in the way of your children a trusted male role model- maybe a teacher, sports coach, favorite uncle, whatever. . . they will then get the benefit of enjoying some of the things a father normally contribute to the upbringing of a child.

V.Amberlee,

Forrest Gumpp speak with forked tongue in last post. He back.

You would have to be familiar with Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice" to have appreciated some of my allusions. Shylock was a Jew. The Yellow Star is the Star of David. To know what Changi was about you would have to have some knowledge of the military fortunes of Australia in the Malayan campaign of WWII. We have assumed from the "Publish America" letterhead that you live in the US of A. Is that right? Have fun on the Forum. Do stuff. If you see a head, kick it. Good luck.

RObert,

Interesting insights you offer to someone without direct experience of these problems. We gave V.Amberlee a bit of a rough start, didn't we? And, ha ha, Belly lost his bet! (Money may be the root of all evil, Belly, but its nice to have plenty of the root.)

I notice you have been posting on the topic "The (male) elephant in Australian prisons" and have been in dialogue with Cornflower. If you are posting again and have words to spare, could you pass on to her that she has seemingly inadvertently double posted on the "Its time to Privatize the ABC" topic. I for one flatly refuse to push the delete button on her, and her posts generally are so refreshingly good that it is a pity to see her hit the posting restrictions unnecessarily early. As it seems our (wise and learned) Moderator is currently favourably disposed toward the fair sex, perhaps if she were to ask nicely, as I am very sure she can, that it be taken down herself, she might get a post back if she's up against the limit. I, by contrast, seem to have been a Bad Boy displaying Bad Attitude recently, and I don't want to draw the crabs on her. This post of hers was a ripper: http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?article=6148#89543 . I'm trying to conserve ammunition in the article discussion area at present. Thanks in anticipation.

Forrest, I used the delete button on the second post with a note about why. I need a tally counter to let me know how I'm going post wise on the main pages.

V Amberlee I'm in agreement with TammyJo's comments. The only contribution which I think I can add to your question is about the role maternal gatekeeping can play in some situations.

I'm not suggesting that is the case with you, there are some parents who just don't care but do some research into the topic and make sure that is not the case.

I don't know what if any definitions exists but my summary would be something like "the mother insists that all parenting be done on her terms and blocks anything involving the kids which is not done her way", I've not heard of paternal gatekeeping but thats not to say that it does not exist either.

Your comments so far do not suggest that approach and I'm not trying to have a go at you by raising the topic.

R0bert

You guys are a blast and yes, you did give me a rough start but I deserved it. Even if my intent was not as it came accross to you, I know I deserved it. I wanted to find support but I think I have found fun instead. Because I am with children all the time, I miss the grown up chat. I enjoy logging on to see who will snap at who about what. Don't hold back on my account...I can play the game. Yes, I live in the USA. I live on the east coast where it is very hot in the summer and freezing cold in the winter. We haven't gotten much snow in the last few years. in fact, last winter was very warm. It's scarry because we are use to getting snowstorm after snowstorm. Global warming is really affecting our planet a lot faster than many people realize. I have always wanted to visit Australia, how is it there?