I want to apologize to all of you as I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong. My intent was not to promote my book although it does appear that way after reading it again. My intent was to find a group of single parents for support. Again, I apologize sincerely.
To answer some questions...I was married and we had 2 beautiful little boys. Some people embrace parenthood, others can't deal with it even though they made the choice to have their babies...somehow it just isn't what they expected. My being a single parent was a choice that came with divorce. It was in the best interest of my children to get the divorce. Now, four and a half years later, it was the best thing I ever did for my children. I have no regrets! Their father can see them WHENEVER he wants. I did not want a visitation schedule because a father's roll is just as important as a mother's and I want both of us to raise the kids. Unfortunately their father comes around when it is convenient for him...about once every three months right now. I am a GOOD mother who just wants to help other single parents feel better.
I have asked that my post be removed and again apologize for offending anyone.

PALE, try a rewrite - here I'll give it a go to help.

"Paying towards your kids is not a favour. Its a reasonsibilty. Its not up for backmail either.[ Pay towards the mums choice not to work or you won't see the kids]. Both parents should be responsible for the costs of raising their kids.
No man marries a woman and gives birth wanting the marriage and family to go down the tube PALE.
However things do change in peoples lives.
If the mother moves for support from her family or because she can not afford to stay where she was- Thats something you must except as part of the break up. Mum should expect to see less of her kids if she chooses to move away from them.
This is why its always important to seek counciling together for the kids sake.

There are cheap buses and planes and trains if you want to visit your kids once a month- which makes twelve visits.
Its not so hard it just requires the Mums to put themselves out for their kids like most Dads do 24-7
It is most important kids see Mum and Dad.
It just requires the will.
Where there is the will- There is always the way and the means.
Try asking dad for the kids every second school holiday and also where dads can afford they might pay for trips for mum to see the kids."

Sounds rather harsh and sexist to me but I think it's followed your logic fairly closely.

R0bert

V.Amberlee, I hope they don't remove it. Stay and join in the discussion. Agreed that there are some dad's who don't bother (just as there are some mums).

What I'm fighting against are the sexist types who want to force stereotypes on all of us based on their impressions of their own gender and or the other gender. Times have changed, many men are much more involved in their kids lives in a hands on way than their fathers were but the attitudes towards dads post seperation seem to be based on the generation before us. PALE's comment which suggested that dads don't put themselves out for their kids is typical and ignores the massive sacrifices the majority of men have made for their families throughout time.

Quality of parenting or willingness to sacrifice ourselves for our kids is not based on gender but on the characteristics of the person.

There are plenty of dads out there desperate to be a meaningfull part of their kids lives and being denied the opportunity because of nasty tactics and a sexist family law system (I gather that is common across most of the western world).

Stay and talk about your experiences, what works and what does not work. What do you think are the stumbing blocks to post separation parenting?

R0bert

I'd love to stay...this is why I joined!
I will be honest and thell you that my experiences with my ex are not favorable to men. He will often say he will see the boys, then doesn't at the last second. I have learned not to tell my kids until he pulls into the driveway to protect them from being disappointed time and time again. When he does see them, he wont participate in any activity with them and yells at them for EVERYTHING. I will say though that I do know many men who charish every moment with their children, they are incredible fathers who are heart broken that they can only see their children every other weekend. I think that the courts are incredibly unfair when it comes to visitations. It's a shame because it is the child who is missing out. Many fathers miss out on school functions, open houses, plays, etc... I envy the children who's fathers love them enough to want to be with them...who get pissed about not getting to be a father...I thing the courts should make better decisions when discussing visitation right. I don't think a mother or father should be allowed to move so far away that the other parent can't have time with their children on a regular basis...I'm sorry, it's just not fair to the children or the other parent.

I speak from a perspective of being a sole parent to two lovely twin boys aged 10 for the past 7 years. Fortunately my ex husband is involved to a large degree in relation to major decisions for our boys. I do not have any family here in Australia and really do it on my own. The key to success lies in 1/Having a great support network (friends/family if around)
2/A positive attitude and be thankful if the kids are being provided with a decent education, have a roof over their head and food in their tummy and most importantly- are healthy- then all is O,K.

No one said this is easy and being a single parent is absolutely challanging in every way however it is ever so rewarding. These are our children who we chose to bring into this world, they did not ask to be in the situation they are in. So just put a smile on your face, enjoy all the fun and goofy aspects of having children, show them everyday you love them and reassure to them that they are loved and together we will all get through it. As the saying goes " This too will pass"

TJ

No apology needed to the posters, V.Amberlee. It is, after all, not our Forum. And the vast majority of posters would never have read the Full Legal Notices in which the prohibition on commercial promotion is contained. Those notices, probably of necessity, read like a Microsoft EULA - you know, they own everything, you own nothing. Better that two good posts be taken down, rather than that the post at the head of the thread be deleted.

It is I who should apologize to you for not posting on topic and contributing to your (well, the Forum's) thread.

I should also apologize to Graham Y and all the other contributors for referring to the Forum as the National Policy Circus. We all know its not. That's in Canberra, not Brisbane.

It should be clear to you now, V.Amberlee, that the National Forum Administrator is a wise moderator. A learned moderator. A veritable Daniel come to moderation!

I get it, O Moderator. I may have my vindication, but not a single off-topic post. I now know what it feels like to have to wear the Yellow Star. Heretofore I have only carried it, etched on my sword, right up near the hilt. (I do have one - a Sword, Infantry, made by Wilkinson, by Appointment Swordsmiths etc etc.) Perhaps the digital pen that I now wield is starting to cut a bit close to the bone! I may even have to change my user name to Shylock, schlock, horror!

I even feel a bit like Gordy, the bloke who refused to salute the Japanese officer in that episode of John Doyle's serialized musical "Changi", when the Jap cut off his little toe with a blunt bayonet. Graham, you only had to ask, mate!

V.Amberlee, I'm afraid I am unable to contribute more to this thread, having, fortunately, no direct experience of the problems of a marriage break-up. If you want an insight into what utter bastards some Australian men can be, watch that series if you get the chance. You'll shed beautiful tears.