I don't care what your name is, nobody walks on the water where I'm fishing.

Dear Johan (OUG),

Once again Thank You for all the jokes -
and for keeping this thread going.
Much appreciated.

Dear Houellie,

Thanks for that.

Talking about walking on water...

I remember reading the media coverage -
during the former Prime Minister's
term in office that if she was to perform the miracle
of walking on water -
the headlines the next day - would state, "See, the
PM can't swim."

“I’m in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same.”
- Alfie Moore

your joke..somehow..reminded me..of pot/kettle

<<..I saw..the meetings..all as work.LL..lol
<<..Other might have thought..I liked the free grog,..or party pies,..or whatever..was being served>>..

oops..wrong paste

two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."

Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

then there are non sense..jokes
for selling..advertizing
http://www.funnymail.com/jokes/category/answer-me-jokes

you know that..little indestructible black box..that is used on planes -..why can't they..make the whole plane..out of the same substance?

you know..how most packages say.."Open here".
What is the protocol..if the package says,.."Open somewhere else"?

why,..if the best things in life are free,
are..the next-best things are so expensive?

why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

why is it..that when you transport..something by car,..it's called shipment..but when you transport something by ship..it's called cargo?

why is it..that at class reunions..you feel younger..than everyone else looks?

why is brassiere..singular..and panties plural?

why does an inspiring sight..like a sunrise..
always have to take place..at such an inconvenient time?

why can we drive..on driveways..
when we cant park..on parkways?

why are they called apartments..
when they are all..stuck together?

why are there interstates..in Hawaii?

why are there flotation devices..under plane seats..instead of parachutes?

why is a..toothless dog..like a tree?
It has more bark..than bite.

Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

What will fall on the lawn first?
An autumn leaf..or a Christmas catalogue?

What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty?

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

why did the termite..eat a sofa and two chairs?
It had a suite tooth..

how do people come up with them?

why?

.

Dear WmTrevor,

Thanks.

Here's another oldie:

"It was the 1970s. The era of wife-swapping parties.
This particular Saturday evening two Martians landed
in a quiet court and seeing the large number of cars
parked outside this one residence, decided to investigate.

They went to the front door and rang the bell.

The door opened and there stood a couple, stark naked,
staring at them.

"Look dear," said the man. "Aliens have come to visit us."
The Martians were invited in. "This is great," the man
told his wife. "It will be a new experience for both of us."
He told his wife to take the male Martian upstairs and
that he would take the female downstairs and - "Let's
get it on!"

The wife smiled, and told her husband, "You go ahead dear,
I'll come up later." So, her husband disappeared with the
female Martian. Meanwhile his wife stayed with the male
Martian.

"Well, shall we get it on?" asked the male Martian.
"No, I don't think so," replied the wife of the earthling.
"Why not, what's wrong?" asked the Martian.
"Please don't be offended, but by earth standards you're
just a bit too small to do much good."

"That's no problem," replied the Martian. He pulled on his
right ear and presto, his appendage grew to awesome
proportions. "Wow," said the female earhling, most impressed.
"But, well it's bigger, but still a bit on the thin
side." Again, no problem. The male Martian pulled on his
left ear - and his appendage grew in thickness to awesome
proportions. "OK, let's get it on," said the wife of the
earthling, most impressed.

Much later they all met in the lounge. "How was yours?" asked
the wife of her earthling husband. "She was allright," her
husband answered matter-of-factly. "How was your male Martian?"
asked the husband. "The best sex I've ever had!" replied the
wife grinning from ear-to-ear. "But what was wrong with yours
that it was only just 'allright'?" To which her husband
replied:

"She was a bit odd that female Martian.
She kept pulling on my ears all night!"

Dear Johan (OUG),

Thank You.

You've given me plenty to download -
and add to my collection.