I've recently come across some clever and at the
same time witty, satirical quotes, and I thought
it would be interesting to have a thread to which
posters can add their own favourites.

Here's a few that I liked and intend keeping:

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.

I dropped out of communism class
because of lousy Marx.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary
A thesaurus.

More to come.

Foxy, ‘Are you being served’ immediately springs to mind. Full of innuendo and double entendre, of a somewhat vulgar variety, and yet extremely popular.

Oh hold on: that’s why it was so popular.

How silly of me!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avCJPB2M4Ro

The two Ronnies were also brilliant. Sadly, it goes over the heads of many now.

Foxy,

If you weigh a train at a railweigh station
Where do you weigh a pie.
Answer: "Over the rainbow."
Sing: "Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie."

SD

Thanks for your contributions thus far -
they brought back so many memories.
I loved, "Are You being Served," and
of course the "Two Ronnies." "Benny Hill,"
made me laugh out loud at times, then there
was John Cleese who was so entertaining,
(I've got much of his stuff on video - including
the funny "A Fish Called Wanda," and "How To
Irritate People." And let's not forget the Monty
Python films - including "Life of Brian."
Then there's "Black Adder," and "Mr Bean," and the
list goes on. British humour's wonderful.

American's have a great sense of humour as well.
I remember reading the line "Would you buy a used
car from this man?" when Richard Nixon was running
for the Presidency. Then of course going way back
there's Dorothy Parker, "Boys don't make passes at
girls who wear glasses." and "I knew you had it in you,"
(to a pregnant friend). And who was it who said,
"If Michaelangelo were a heterosexual, the Sistine
Chapel would have been painted basic white and with a
roller." I'll have to look that one up.

Please keep them coming.

Foxy, I laugh loudest at medical humour, having been around these people in my workplace since I was seventeen.
Here's a few comments you wouldn't want to hear your' doctor or surgeon say:

"Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"

Which leg are we amputating?"

Is this idiot a private patient, or can I get out of here quickly?"

As a nurse, I collected many funny stories.

As a new student nurse on my first day on the ward, having never even seen a man naked, I was asked to take a urinal to a bed-bound patient. When I got there, he had both arms in plaster and in traction. Horrified, I quickly assessed the situation,.
I got a flannel and picked up his appendage with that to place it in the urinal...all with my eyes closed!

I once asked a student nurse to assist a patient to use a commode toilet by her bed. I explained that the patient was on bed rest, and to stay with her. When I looked in behind the curtains later, the nurse had the patient perched on the commode.....which was placed on top of the bed!
I almost had a stroke myself...