A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."

*try to explain women

A man dies and goes to Heaven.
He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks,
"But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you!"

*a long one..but well told
3 men..go to heaven
http://www.ahajokes.com/hea02.html

how..i/have..loved this.man
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/205.Robert_A_Heinlein

“Women..and..cats/will-do..as they..please,
and..men..and dogs/should..relax..and/get used-to..the idea.”

“Love..is/that..condition
in/which..the happiness/of..another person..is essential/to..your own.”

“Happiness..consists..in getting/enough sleep.
Just that,..nothing more.”

“I am free,..no matter/what..rules..surround me...If..I find/them tolerable,..I tolerate-them;..if I..find-them..too\obnoxious,..I break/them...I am-free..because..I know..*that..I..alone-am..morally responsible..*for..everything..I/do.”

*“Anybody.can look/at..a pretty-girl..and..see/a pretty-girl.
An artist..can look at..a pretty/girl..and see..the old woman.she will become...*A better artist..can look/at.an old woman..and see the pretty girl..that/she..used to be.

But..a great/artist-a..master-can..look at
an/old woman,..portray her..exactly as..she is...
and..*force..the viewer..*to see..the-pretty girl..she willed..2 be...

*Growing old..doesn't matter..to you..and..me;
we/were..never meant/to-be..admired-but..it does.to them.”

*“Don't..handicap/your..children
by making..their..lives..too.easy...or..too harsh”

“You..have.attributed/conditions..to villainy
that..simply/result..from stupidity.”

“Progress..isn't made/by..early risers.
It's..made/by..lazy-men..simply..trying/to..find easier-ways..to do something.”

“You can/have..peace...Or..you/can..have freedom.
Don't..ever count-on..having both..at once.”

“Never try/to..outstubborn..a cat.”

“There ain't..no-such..thing..as a..free-lunch.”

“Once a month,..some women..act/like..men act..all the time.”

“There/is.no worse..tyranny/than..to force..a man/to pay-for..what he does/not..want merely..because*..you think..it would-be.good.for him.”

“Writing is not.necessarily something..to/be..ashamed of,
but do-it in..private..and wash/your hands..afterwards.”

“Sin..lies..only-in..hurting..others unnecessarily.
All other.."sins"..are invented nonsense.”

*politeness,..of gentle manner,
is more..significant..than is a riot”

“Sex should-be friendly.
Otherwise..stick to..mechanical toys;..it's more sanitary.”

“I've found-out..why people laugh.
They laugh..because..it hurts so much
&..because..it's the/only-thing..that'll..make-it..stop hurting.”
―
“Never..try to..teach/a pig..to sing.
It's..a waste/of time..and..besides..it annoys/the pig.”

*“Always..listen to/experts.;They'll tell-you
what..can't be-done,..and why...Then..go ahead..and do it.”

*“There is..no such..thing as.."Just a....”

*“Do_not..confuse "duty"..with/what.other people..expect/of you;

*..Duty is a debt..you owe..to yourself..to fulfill
obligations..you have/assumed..voluntarily.

*Paying..that debt..can..entail anything..from years..of
patient work..to..instant willingness..to die...Difficult it may be, but..the reward..is self-respect...But..there is..no reward at all for..doing..what other/people..expect..of you,

So..learn to..say No—and..to be rude/about it

But let..the choice..be yours.
Don't do/it..because..it is..expected"..of you.)”

*“May you live..as long..as you wish
and..love..as long as..you live.”

*You can't..conquer a..free-man;
the most..you can do..is kill him.”

*“The/most..preposterous notion..that Homo-sapiens..has ever/dreamed up..is that..the Lord God/of Creation,..Shaper..and Ruler..of all the Universes,..wants*[nor demands]..the saccharine-adoration..of His created-creatures,

or..that..he..can be..swayed by/their prayers,..
and..becomes..petulant..if/He does not..receive this flattery...Yet this..absurd fantasy,..without..a shred/of..evidence..to bolster it,.."

“Almost..any sect,cult,or..religion/will legislate
its..creed into law..if it acquires..the political power..to/do-so.”

“How you behave..toward cats..here below
determines..your status..in Heaven.”

thank-you/Robert A. Heinleinman

OUG,

It's Robert A. Heinlein, just in case anyone wants to look him up.