Just had to comment - Peter Hume and Pynchme what poignant perceptions you presented.

Foxy
Your perseverance and efforts have obviously gone a long way in keeping your marriage together during difficult times. It is easy to runaway when things get tough and a testament to you and your husband for turning things around.

Life is not always easy but sometimes the wins are all the more enjoyed and treasured because of the challenges. If it was all too easy we would probably not understand just how special the good times are.

Some good points Runner; although disagree with the term 'if you fail [at or in marriage]? seek God's mercy.

There is no such thing as a 'failed' marriage for it is a wonderful learning curve and experience despite negatives, there are positives, which in turn we all learn tremendously from until the day we part on whatever the path may be. I do not regret my 18 year marriage and 20 years slaving for my husband and his family.

Now separated yet still slaving...........the only thing I need is God's strength not mercy Runner.

I know this is a fairly boring response and it may well seem like I haven't given due consideration to your question Foxy, but I don't see making a marriage work for a life time as anything especially out of the ordinary.

My wife and I were highschool sweethearts and we are approaching the 'been together twice as long as we had been apart' milestone. But there were a number of others in our year at school who can claim the same.

Although my wife and I both come from very large families as yet there has been little inclination of divorce in any of our siblings. Other friends gained through uni who married early are all together.

One of those couples has a markedly autistic son and have been through so much. We are in awe of their capacity to survive as a married couple, often feeling we wouldn't have been up to the task.

So I'm going to offer something rather simplistic and even trite but perhaps there is some merit in being around people don't split up.

There are certainly personal things we do to enrich our relationship but it is rarely a conscious effort, rather they tend to just happen. However I'm not sure without them we would be at any greater risk of splitting.

Perhaps there is part of me that doesn't want to analyse our relationship in any intellectual manner because why pick at something if it is working.

We do shake our heads sometimes in mild amusement that we are still together but I rather not have to imagine life any other way.

So no real words of wisdom here just gratefulness.

Thanks Pelican and Foxy.

I've enjoyed reading all of the posts in this thread too.

Houellebecq: <"They'll also see what fun the CSA seems to be.">

Here's an older female comedian's opinion on things that hold a marriage together:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H4RCpUjcXc&feature=related

pynch

Dear Pelly,

I'm grateful for your understanding and
perception. Relationships, even ones as
happy as ours, often hit insurmountable
problems. It's easy to point the finger,
to blame the other person. Sometimes we're
right to do so. But that's too simple. I
remember what my father once said to me:
whenever you point a finger, there's three
fingers pointing back at you.

It's important as you said to remember the good
things, the happy memories that fill your heart.
Then you can turn things around.
Divorce isn't something anyone did in my family.
So, ours is still a work in progress -
I constantly ask myself what
can I do to make things better. To make things
work. I'm not perfect, but I try to take responsibility
and not repeat my mistakes. Still, life is a learning
curve - isn't it?

Dear we are unique,

You sound so positive and strong.
I admire your take on things.
To me it doesn't sound as if things have
become unraveled. It sounds like you've
got everything under control.

Dear csteele,

Thank You for such an honest and moving response.
And you're really fortunate to be blessed with
a happy marriage. Many of our friends
are either divorced or separated. Many believe that
they are doomed to live lives as single parents.
They often wonder what went wrong.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I didn't
think that I'd ever meet someone who'd be prepared to
take me on, with all my baggage. But I was wrong.
I found a man who was capable of loving fully,
with all his heart. My husband's honesty, devotion,
and unconditional love bound us together in a way
that has survived to this day.

I too am grateful for that.

Dear Pynch,

You always provide just the right touch!
Thanks - loved it!