cont'd ...

Dear Examinator,

By the way ...

Don't apologise for your "over thought" responses,
as you put it. You always try to put yourself in
the other person's shoes, so that you can feel
what they're feeling, not just what you're
feeling. That is a very unique quality to have,
and an extremely endearing one. :-)

Dear Foxy,
When I was young I heard this advice given at a wedding. A radio announcer was interviewing a couple who had been married 65 years and the husband told this story; after the wedding he and his new bride where traveling home in his sulky when the horse stumbled and he said
"that's once". The horse stumbled again and he said"that's twice". The horse again stumbled so he took out his rifle and shot and killed the horse. He then told the announcer that in 65 years of marriage he had never had to raise his voice because his wife had never stumbled.
My wife and I have been married for 30 years and life has not always been a bed of roses but marriage breakup is not an option. It takes 2 to tango and through thick and thin love has been the glue that binds us together. Love is not a feeling but a decision and if feelings run cold reafirm your decision and feelings come into line. as in everything in life you get out what you put in. There is no room for self if a marriage is to succeed and prosper, as my dad taught me if a job is worth doing it is worth doing properly for if you want the best don't give your second best. The correct order in life is God first then your partner then children then work then your ministery to others. If you get that order wrong the marriage suffers and you pay the price. Get knowledge, a good book to read is Men come from mars and women come from venus by John Gray.
Richie 10

All the old married couples I see in their homes in the community setting say that effective communication is the number one consideration if a marriage is to work.

If you become a poor communicator or stop communicating with your spouse, then the marriage is in trouble.

I have been married 22 years, and we have had our ups and downs, as any marriage does. I don't agree with Foxy when she says that lust and attraction don't last.

As we get older we may not be as sexually active as before, but I believe we still need to be attracted to our spouses to want to live with them

Dear Richie 10,

My goodness, I'm certainly glad that
your wife never stumbled, would you
have shot her? :-)

Seriously, Richie, I agree that it's important
for both partners to be committed to the
relationship. And I'm happy that you have a
strong marriage as a result.

Dear Suze,

When I said that lust and attraction don't
last - I was referring to that first phase -
of relationships - where there are no flaws -
and everything is perfect. Where we see what
we want to see.

It's only later that the blinkers come off -
What happens is a mature
kind of love develops where people can ideally hold
onto themselves. This is a love of others for who
they are, even when they're angry or vulnerable,
rather than for some idea of how they might enhance
one's life. This generous kind of love is possible
when individuals can be authentic rather than what
some marital therapists call, "their pseudo selves,"
trying to impress or please others and denying their
real feelings and fears.

The bottom line is our relationships will only be as
satisfactory as we are in ourselves.

It is how differences are resolved that is important for the long term.

Anyone who thinks that his/her partner's view is somehow invalid, is unlikely to remain married. That doesn't mean that all decisions must be compromises.

Dear Cornflower,

I totally agree.

I feel that the role of conflict and resolution
can make a relationship stronger. As I wrote
previously, the most successful couples aren't
the ones who don't argue; they're the ones who
can argue well.