Dear RObert,

Suse and I have both stated and made it quite clear
in our discussions on this forum
that domestic violence and abuse needs to be
stopped.

As does the stereotyping.
The system needs to treat violent couples as
violent couples instead of shoehorning them
into the "man" as perpetrator and "women"
as victim. This has been made quite clear in
our posts.

It is unfortunate as I've stated earlier
that this issue has
contributed to a highly politicised and
adversarial context in which men and women's
experiences of violence are placed in competition
with each other because in fact, as again -
already stated
earlier, the development of effective responses
will be based on a better understanding of the complexities
of each form of victimisation.

It definitely is time that we transform the way we handle
domestic violence and abuse - both at the government
levels and within - our police and criminal justice systems.
We need to hold abusers accountable for
their actions and provide the necessary support for the victims.
Male and female

<Domestic violence against men has doubled since 2005 - ABS
DateTuesday, December 17, 2013

The number of men who report experiencing domestic violence from their current partner has almost doubled since 2005, according to a new survey released last week by the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS)...

“Growing community awareness of the issue generated by campaigns such as One in Three means men are more willing to come forward and disclose their experience of domestic abuse. Men face a great deal of shame when admitting being abused by their wives or partners. Knowing that other men are in a similar situation can really help in lessening the embarrassment for many guys.”

The 2012 Survey found that men were less than half as likely as women to have told anybody about partner violence, to have sought advice or support, or to have contacted the police.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if the level of domestic violence against men is also on the rise due to the one-sided approach to the issue taken by successive governments and NGOs such as Amnesty International and the White Ribbon Foundation. Saying ‘no’ to violence against women is important, but by not saying that violence against men is equally wrong, we send the message to some women that it’s OK to abuse their partners,” said Mr Andresen.

The ABS Personal Safety Survey 2012 found that:

at least one in three victims of current partner violence, emotional abuse and stalking during the last 12 months were male
around one in three victims of physical violence by a boyfriend/girlfriend or date since the age of 15 were male
almost one in three victims of sexual assault during the last 12 months were male
more than one in three victims of physical and/or sexual abuse before the age of 15 were male.>

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/news/2013/12/17/domestic-violence-against-men-has-doubled-since-2005-abs.html

onthebeach, I'm not trying to make you responsible for how I feel but I do take a strong interest when you are taking an approach that looks like an attempt to derail the level of agreement that is happening here. If you think I'm white knighting you might have a look back through some of Suseonline and my exchanges on this topic in the past, neither of us is reluctant to disagree with the other where it seems relevant.

The existing stereotypes are a significant issue especially when talk turns to increased or stronger official response to DV. I've made the point before that far to many of the professionals in the fields that should be able to help (or who would be the first responders) have been thorougly indoctrinated in the gendered view of DV.

There needs to be some serious work done in getting police, relationship counsellors etc past the gender stereotypes to deal with this. Likewise some work put into support for men if they are the one suddenly dealing with single parenting, employer expectations are in my view often quite different when it comes to flexibility for men to support families. I think the latter is improving but it has a way to go.

I also think there needs to be changes to reduce the flow on benefits to the accuser from a DV accusation. Isolating one party from the kids and home for a period based on accusations that are not later substantiated should not set patterns of care or otherwise result in a better outcome for the accuser.

I don't know how we can deal with it in a credible manner but I'm also aware of how hard it is for the law to deal with the non-physical aspects of abuse. The person who pushes and pushes until the other retaliates then cries victim (and gets the kids, house, income suppliment etc).

Agreement that DV is a human problem is a big start, it takes a while to understand the flow on consequences of that.

R0bert

No-one else is responsible for how you feel
onthebeach,
that is one of those lines akin to utter ignorance & totall stupidity. Like the saying Life is what you make it.
is it any wonder we have so many relationship problems with stone-age mentality like that ?
Everything we do or achive is governed by the influence of the people on us & around us.
I'm dead certain that I would be a totally different person if I hadn't so much experience with thieving Australians, conniving Australians & to an even greater degree with utterly incompetent Australians. Now we have entered the age of dumbcrap Australians who are selling off their homes to buy nicer furniture. We are at the beginning of a new era in Australia where females & males are dictating to decent women & men & forcing their idiotic mentality on them. That 6'5" lump of utter uselessness & expensive incompetence in 1972 is the cause of this mayhem of female aggression. Yes, it was that Goaf who provided the stepping stone for feminism, queers & racism. Now look how we carry on because of it.

RObert,

There is overwhelming evidence that men are also victims of DV. The definition of DV that is applied to women and to heterosexual relationships should also be applied to men, and to men and women in non-heterosexual relationships.

I don't know if you imagine that you have managed to win some change in the core beliefs held. Somehow I think not where there is any reluctance to treat male victims the same and with similar priority. For example, why should male victims have to wait for more research to be conducted, and presumably by the same feminist researchers who couldn't find any originally, or at least didn't think that violence directed at males was worthy of being included in questionnaires?

Doesn't Australian law apply to everyone? Violence is violence.

It is very shabby of Labor to chase cheap votes by limiting DV to women and children.

individual,

What I said was plain enough, and to repeat it, I am not a suitable target for emotional blackmail or guilt traps. To be blunt, your monkey, your back, not mine. If you want to take it out of context and generalise so be it.

THESE CONVERSATIONS CANT HAPPEN/FOR MANY REASONS/but i simplify it to pulling in ya gut/as ya approach a nice shiela...its all about perceptions/if its wort it/we try harder/if its not worth it we resent/resentment grows..till its all your fault..not mine.

i have gone through hell/for many years
but its my reality/im the only one that can fix it...me alone
anything diFFERENT/from me willing to change my circumstance..is bound to fail[i will make it fal/even if it kills me]

but im ok..really..i didnt just reject the same sex/but all of em
peoples lives are best kept at a distance/i prefer these FOOTPRINTS IN WORD THEY LEAVE BEhind..of course if i loved better i could be more kind..but kindness and hell/that just dont jell..we are in hell because we rejected the oppertuinity to make our relationship/heaven.y[i have a picture of it/me only concened for you/obsessed really/and me absolutly besotted with you[when that dont happy mosT OF US LEAVE/but othERS are so upset/they only know to hit back

hang-on..hit back?
yes hit ..BACK*..figure it out.
something in their mind got hurt bad/so they have flight..[or flight\FIGHT..GET IT RIGHT.

FOR MOST OF US..ITS NOT YOU..ITS ME
but for too many with nuthin else..its you/im building my unreal expectations..upon you/i see the you im going to make you into/i wil change you/my way..if you dont like it/run..

soME TIMES THE SMAKE/ONLY INDICATES THE DIRECTION TO RUN FROM
some times/johan..;yes oFTEN they force themselves to stay

i think its called enabling,,
bling/with\zing/,,noPE MATE..NUTHING

NOTHINNG..i will show you nuthin..

splat.
[ok thats that..move on..nuthin to see hear*