Dear Suse,

Experts seem to agree that
it is time we transformed
the way we handle domestic violence and abuse.
Hardworking charities provide refuge and
vital support for victims but their funding is becoming
increasingly restricted. As a result, their resources
can only be accessed by a limited number of people.

This issue is certainly a complex on - made all the
more difficult when victims are reluctant to leave
abusive relationship because of the fear for their
safety, of being homeless, or destitute, or risking
losing their children. The government needs to step up
its responsibility for supporting victims, and our
police and criminal justice systems need to also take
a more pro-active approach

Suseonline and Foxy,

You duck and weave, but if it was women not men you would have plenty of firm and dare I say non-negotiable demands, such as training of police to recognise the existence of DV affecting men and boys. You would be asking for special support units and doubting the ability of public prosecutors and courts to give DV victims an adequate hearing.

Now I have posted a couple of videos above that all of us including you yourselves should agree with that surface the prevailing social attitudes to men who are beaten and otherwise cruelly dealt with by the women in the lives, but all you can do is simper that everyone can be affected by DV and continually divert away from any real examination of the factors involved and what should be done.

'Pussy-whipped' men are seen as funny, less than men and should grow a pair, eh what? There are many men I have met and grandparents too who are brutalised every day of their lives by vicious, manipulative, bullying women, especially where Parental Alienation (PAS) is the weapon of choice.

The worst thing though is practically all of us are not sensitive at all to the dreadful, impoverished, cruel lives lived by some men (and grandparents). In all honesty now, how many of us exhibit the same shabby attitudes to beaten men as those people in the videos linked before? Here again,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks

#ViolenceIsViolence: Domestic abuse advert Mankind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3PgH86OyEM

Why does White Ribbon Day exclude the other 50% of the victims and the other 50% of offenders? Just who benefits from that?

Onthebeach, I'm tying to work out what you want from Suseonline and Foxy here.

There is nothing in the stats I've seen to suggest women are generally more agressive. The rates for male initiated DV appear to have dropped substantially from similar numbers when they started collecting numbers. Some evidence that women are more inclined to use violence in the higher levels more often than men but that to me looks like an offset for the differences in physical strength.

Relying on stereotypes because I've not seen much sign of research in that area I suspect that across the emotional/verbal abuse space women would be over but by the same token men are overrepresented in the sexual violence stakes. The numbers game is a sideshow except as a counter for those trying to portray abusive behaviours a gender issue.

I may be missing something in this but you seem to be picking at them without good cause. If thats the case then what do you hope to achieve?
The most likely outcome seems to be to divert the discussion from the level of agreement we do have here.

R0bert

Dear RObert,

Thank You.

The person (for want of a better word)
in question has a history on this forum.
Belly left because of him. Others have tried to point
things out to him concerning his abusive behaviour
in the past. Talking to a tree would produce better
results than talking to him. Now we simply tent to
totally ignore him. He needs to take his own
advice - (given so freely to Suse in an article thread
on this very subject - Sunday 15th June 2014.(page 14).

He advised Suse as follows - and I quote:

"It is never to late for you to come to discover a
reading and comprehension disability."

"As a suggestion you could re-read a passage several times,
orally if you like. Ask yourself questions about what you think
the writer is saying and make a summary of the writer's
main points. "

"Try to focus on the writers meaning not
some pre-formed opinions going on in your head. Take into
account the whole and not just a word or sentence you might
have taken a fancy to. What do you imagine the writer said?
Some feed back might also help you."

"Unless you are stirring of course and that would be a
complete waste of your time."

Is is any wonder then, that as a rule, neither Suse, not myself,
usually - don't either read or respond, or take seriously,
the person in question. His troll-like behaviour doesn't
warrant any attention. And I'm only responding this time -
because you got involved.

Agreed Foxy, and also thanks to RObert.

I am trying to ignore that other one too, but I doubt I have as much wise restraint as Foxy!

In any case, one community action I think is a good idea is that after an incidence of domestic violence is reported to police and they go to investigate, then they should have powers to remove the violent person from the home and take them to a 'safe house' until court proceedings happen, rather than removing the spouse and kids from their home.

While the legal issues are being dealt with, the violent offender would remain living apart from their family members, and be expected to go through drug and/or alcohol rehab, and anger management therapy before they are allowed home (if the family wants to be reunited that is).

Also, the rest of the family needs counselling too, on how better to manage conflict among family members, and to teach them more assertive behaviour of what they will, or will not, accept from each other.

The current laws re VRO's are not strong enough.
If an order is taken out against someone (after it is proved who is guilty of violence), then the police should be able to immediately take the perpetrator to jail if a breach is made.
I like the idea of a tracking device placed on DV re-offenders if the courts see fit to let them out of jail, at least until they are deemed safe again.

RObert,

No-one else is responsible for how you feel and I am certainly not going to be accountable for how you feel either. For the record I believe you are 'White Knighting'.

My post was perfectly reasonable and here again is the nub of it,

".. if it was women not men you would have plenty of firm and dare I say non-negotiable demands, such as training of police to recognise the existence of DV affecting men and boys. You would be asking for special support units and doubting the ability of public prosecutors and courts to give DV victims an adequate hearing."

Now what about some discussion about the inconvenient truth of those videos - the double standard that exists concerning male as opposed to female victims of DV?