shattered.dreams

Thank you for bringing home what this discussion really should be about. I don't know whether you are male or female, but it really doesn't matter.

Victims in our society are not only victimised by those who are supposed to love them, but often betrayed by those to whom they turn for help, and then let down by a system that treats them as just another case number.

I know one person close to me who has had a similar life experience to yours. What she has tried to do is to always remember that she IS NOT the things that have been done to her. She has to renew that affirmation every day of her life.

I do hope that you can find some kind of peace.

shattered.dreams:

Thank you for posting your story. I recognize what you’re saying I think. Cover-ups throughout all of society including institutions are not unusual – Chelmsford and Rozelle are just two examples of formal care places with a long history of burying abuse victims’ stories under various labels while the woman is further victimized by having her children taken away.

I know many youth who have told; trying to get abuse to stop, and the cost to them has been great – being moved away from school and friends; being put into care somewhere; being punished by their families for upsetting the applecart. Meanwhile the abuser’s denials are readily believed because nobody wants to think that something so awful could happen and some people feel guilty because they didn’t notice or act to protect the child. Easier to just say the kid is lying and blame them. (not sure how you would describe your mother’s involvement; but this is what I suspect of her.).

The silence and denial all around us helps the abuse to continue. I suspect that most people don’t mean to actively collude; they would say they disapprove of abuse - but any denial or silence that results in the truth not being heard or justice and safety not being obtained, is a form of collusion. There’s a quote that goes something like, “Silence helps the oppressor; never the oppressed.”

Thank you for your courage in telling your story. It's very compelling. I hope that you keep telling it because the problem is still all around us and it helps for others to know that they are not alone.

Bless you.
pynch

I'm sorry if it sounds like some of us men are anti-feminism or even anti-women. We just cannot stand seeing women portrayed as pathetic little victims who constantly need men to save them. The details of the Auckland case mean that Clare should not be seen in this way. Where the footballers supposed to have a better idea of what was good for Clare than she did? Feminists should be the very people who see women as adults who can solve their own problems and accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. I do.

Antiseptic: Was Andrew Johns a TV celebrity? Sorry; don’t know anything about him.

Many people hold jobs that they are at risk of losing for doing things that may or may not be against the law. Public servants are required to maintain a respectable public image and to refrain from participating in certain activities; political protests and the like without prior approval. Many professionals are forbidden from socializing with clients and can lose their jobs as well as their credentials.

TV depends on audience. Do you really think the public is turned off because they’re all feminists? Maybe it’s time you got things into proportion. As to Jodi whatshername; I am sure her employers will follow whatever ratings and the general public dictate.

James: Why do you think that Wendy Mac would be regarded as misogynistic - are there quotes that someone said so, or is this your own summation ?

You seem to agree with W.Mc that discussion on feminism was shut down in the 70s – strange that. How then did the huge proliferation of different types of feminism; their published books; articles and public talks arise after the 70s - including some by Wendy McElroy herself, Erin Pizzy and others. Go to Amazon and call up the range of books – many present very different and even opposing opinions.

As to Erin Pizzy. Whatever the details of her troubles with feminists of her day, bear in mind that it was 40 years ago. She was born into and lived a very upper class life during her developmental years; no doubt she holds some nostalgia for an economic base and family privileges related to that, that few people then shared. Anyway, she’s to be commended for doing the best she knew how to help others despite, as far as I know, not being a therapist or anything like that. Maybe it’s past time, however, that she got over her disenchantment and moved forward.

*The silence and denial all around us helps the abuse to continue.*

There is actually some truth in that and is one of the reasons why
I believe that love and relationships are still largely based on
self interest, as we discussed on an OLO thread about that topic.

Yup, some moms will go into denial about what is happening to their
kids, for fear of losing their breadwinner.

Some years ago now, I came across a five year old who was getting
a really rough deal from her stepfather, for no other reason then
she wasn't his kid. I have a strong sense of justice and I started
sticking up for this kid, even though one has to be careful about
interfering in others relationships. In the end, the mother conceded
that she had been prepared to sacrifice her first child for her
relationship. It was a really tragic story all the way.

So yup, there are some sad cases out there indeed.

pynchme, Andrew Johns was also a rugby league player. You say that Jodi Gordon's employers will "follow whatever ratings and the general public dictate" in relation to her employment, which is no doubt correct, however, it raises a couple of questions:

first, where is the outrage from the media grrrls about what is a very sordid event involving drugs, associations with known criminals and culminating in a false call to 000 leading to a large waste of valuable police resources?

second, if the "public" are not interested in the absence of that media beat-up, why would we assume they'd be interested in the case of others?

Do we simply expect more from footballers than we expect from other young people? Jodi Gordon is apparently a well-known actress in a popular soap opera watched by thousands of families daily. Can you explain why she is less of a role model to be held to account than a footballer is?

There is only one feminist paradigm that is acceptable among the Wowserish dowagers who dominate modern feminism and that is the one that says "women first at all costs, regardless of merit or truth in the claim". SJF expressed it well a couple of days ago. That means any book failing to hew to the line will be either ignored or will be nit-picked into oblivion. The substantive points will be ignored in favour of a discussion about whether the author correctly recalls the colour of someone's shoes at a meeting 10 years earlier.

pynchme:"As to Erin Pizzy."

LOL, your attempt at damning with faint praise is noted, especially your effort at classism - Marxist theory butchered. Ms Pizzey has had the courage to not only stand up for women genuinely in need, but to stand up to those women who wanted to abuse the service she offered. No wonder you don't like her.

It's interesting that you refer to the fact that her experience with the hairy-legged brigade was nearly 40 years ago. Does that mean we'll stop seeing statistics that are 10 or 20 years out of date from you?