Houellie,

You seem to be saying that in order for a relationship to remain vital and to flourish, it is advisable to accept a certain amount of manipulation and sparring in the normal course of events. Both men and women have a need for reassurance and continuity ( although perhaps not to the same degree). The alternative is likely to be a stultified relationship that never has the opportunity to grow and change.

Squeers,

"....genuine feelings were the important ingredient...."

That is the way it's always seemed to me - that a sexual union is enhanced if the relationship is based on genuine feelings - in fact, in my opinion there's no comparison - but that might be a female thing....

Woops sorry squeers,

I always thought you were gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Your general prose and attitude and the queers part of your moniker perhaps.

Foxy,

I thought you had decided you did not wish to communicate with me and I should not address you or something like that.

Hasbeen,

My wife has a weak point with gutters and steep driveways. She just doesn't learn how to stop that crunch noise. My weakness is a blind spot for pedestrian crossings. Though it's sometimes deliberate if I don't like the people standing there.

I have a theory that Asian and women drivers lack peripheral vision due to their height. It's actually short people who are bad drivers.

Jewls,

when it comes to clothes, there are different levels of clean and dirty. My partner is ridiculously efficient, and my virtually clean clothes disappear into the wash. Then she complains how much washing there is. I have no sympathy at all.

Same with the kids, when she's away for a few days she asks why there isn't much washing. I tell her most of their clothes weren't dirty enough yet. I think she finds it easier to just put it all in the wash so there is no decisions to be made on what's clean or dirty.

But then again I have been suffering lately because there are so many bright children's clothes, so unless I decide to change my wardrobe to wear more bright pinks and reds, my dark clothes never seem to make up a whole load, so miss out on most washes.

Checkmate.

I remember a British TV show once when an old guy's wife died and he said 'I even found a whole other room in the house; It must have been where she was doing the washing.'

Poirot,

Did you know that for a very long time the biggest selling ever Australian book was Max Walker's (Ex Aussie Cricketer) How to Hypnotise Chooks?

Dear Houellie,

It was you who addressed my post. I'm simply being polite.

this seems to be one of those posts
where we all get to have an opinion..

[so remember the words are only opinions]..talk is cheap..

what i want is a sexy wench in bed
but not a servant or a s/mother..

but not one that looks sexy
on the steet..or going to the 'shop'
or is dressing to impress ..;..'the girls'

i dont need my mates to say your a luckey bloke
[i allready should know this..
or alternativly..what is it..to do with him]

of course some guys need to have bling on their arm
have others think others are thinking
wow he must be good..because he has a good arm decoration..

im struck by what is the real reasoning..behind the thread
if your man isnt making you feel good..often the problem is on both sides..[are you making him feel good]..one hand washes the other..

there is no ideal woman
just as there is no perfect woman
so saying either wont fix anything..

cheap talk..[talk is cheap]
actions speak louder than words

not sure if mutual respect has raised its men-tion
or consideration..or remembering..
but it works both ways

its said everyday the loved one must be loved anew..
to feel they are still loved..[it can be as simple as smiling or giving other signs of happness or affections]

its not as if i am claiming an experteaze
but become an expert..in the one..you claim to love

if they love you it should not be in doudt..that you love them
shouldnt be able to be 'in doudt' either..

im sure if its a satifying mutual love..
you know it as a certainty..have been shown..thus dont need to be told

just saying you love him/her..is worth nothing

Poirot,

'You seem to be saying that in order for a relationship to remain vital and to flourish, it is advisable to accept a certain amount of manipulation and sparring in the normal course of events.'

Well, there will always be conflict of needs in a relationship. People are different. I suppose my partner and I are very different personalities, but we have the same life goals and big-picture type values.

It's good natured sparring. And as I said, everybody manipulates, some just don't have the self-awareness to recognise it.

My broader point is about the predictability. Comfort zones lead to a lack of fulfilment. People seek to slowly unwrap a present, work out a riddle, slowly peel away the layers of a person. When there's no layers left, what is there to keep interest? Where is the mystique? Where is the challenge?

Anyway, I think once someone is too comfortable in a relationship it can lead to taking a partner for granted. You need to keep something to and of yourself too. This open book soul mate stuff is claustrophobic and limiting, and I don't see how you can continue as an autonomous adult that way which is what makes people sexy.

I need to be challenged in a relationship. People grow when they're challenged, and a partner that is a challenge is more stimulating on an intellectual and emotional level.

Perhaps we have a core stability that never seems under threat so this exploration can take place.

'Both men and women have a need for reassurance and continuity'
In what respect? Reassurance about what and continuity in what?

in re reading the posts
i noted this important point

squeers..quote.."" Having said that,I think it irks most men when they have to keep going with the lovey dovey stuff even after it's served its purpose as psychological foreplay.""

i guess im not like 'most men'..

i like* the before..[and after]..best

[afterall leaving the playing field
all wet and soggy well..that simply aint cricket]

and as one said once
im not a spermasonia deposit center

also confounding...mainly because the middle bit
is the bit..where it get's most confusing..
wether..[for men..or just me]

the issue of what stroke suits the occasion best..[well its just confusing]...earlier in my marrage it was dontthrustin..all the way...[it hurts]...and only got more confusing..there-after..

[for 35 years]

[if you cant give good advice or encouragment..
well..maybe the silence i did get in the end..was the best thing

over time ..as i tried out..other things
..not restricted to going harder at it or going soft at it
fast or slow deep or...

its basiclly enough
to make a groan/man weep

well you get the idea..
i couldnt get..it..in my head straight

it's just too confusing...
a litle direction could have helped im-men-sly

so naturally the beginning and end
for me were the best of all

but back to sqeers quote

...""..best..Sexual climax is an instant reality check for men and they don't want to go on making sweet professions post-coital""

i feel it is a way to share the monsoon seasons dampness..misery loves company..we all know how wet days can be so depressing for some..

i feel a true lover
has earned a good long hug

everyone loves a good ending
but thats all i got..

washing the dishes isnt done
till drying them