A year and a half ago something very weird happened between my two children, Foxy and Yabby (no those are not my children’s names).

They were 16 (girl) and 17 (boy). They were of equal size and always good mates.

She was sitting on my computer talking to friends on myspace or something.

My computer had the printer and he had sent his homework from his computer to mine.

He comes in and asks her to move so he can print it.

She tells him to wait.

I am in an adjoining room with a 12 month old playing with stacking blocks.

I see my boy lean over and mummer something I can’t pick up, he is good with words.

My daughter shot up in a heartbeat swinging a clenched fist, boy ducked, girl came again, boy grabbed her by the front of her shirt and started running forward with her racing backwards still swinging.

He is yelling “sit down” and she is screaming (well the editor on this won’t allow it to be repeated).

I am Mum, I launch at them both and pull the boy off while getting in the girls face and screaming for her to settle down. This is when I realized for the first time that I am also of equal size.

Q: Who suffered? A: The baby who for the first time ever woke screaming from her sleep that night.

Q: Who was to blame?

Q: Why wont either tell me what he said?

Next the gender (?) argument. The only reason it appears so is because of the bias of some males . Every time sex is mentioned they seem to go into a frenzy of blaming the woman for playing on men's “uncontrollable urges/needs”. How dare some woman spoil the reputation of our sports bloke.! and she's getting of free!

Consider these examples

A good looking boy 16 while in Seniors at school got into an affair with a 22yr old 'placement' trainee female teacher. The school heard the rumours and the teacher lost her career.
The boy had two problems
1.Bragging. Probably what brought them undone. He was widely applauded as 'jack the lad'.
2.It took him at least 3yrs at uni to lose his grin.

Next the ex Dems leader was I have no doubt given a barely winnable seat I have no doubt because the hierarchy saw her as a time bomb with with her affair with Gareth Evans AND her twenty year ago affair with an ex pupil.

Then there's the corp. executive (Ex Footy star) who had affairs with his secretaries 6 of them in a row all under twenty and he was 39-44 . He was known as a 'bit of a rogue'. It wasn't until one father threatened the company with legal and publication that the board
told executive to move his hunting grounds. The girl was paid off losing her career.

The point here is that this sort of sexual predation is based on inequality/abuse of power, maturity or vulnerability etc.

The woman in the Johns case is either seeking more reflected notoriety or she's suffering as a result of both her and group morality failure. What possessed her to agree to it is yet to be disclosed. I rather think she's in torment. And if it was your daughter?

To fix her/others motivation to allow this is a much harder ask. Perhaps it's this unjustified hyped up hero culture that needs to change.

Dear Yabby,

I'm not assigning blame - both the young
men and women are the victims. Re-read
my previous post.

It's the culture that encourages and
condones this sort of behaviour that
needs to change.

What many people seem to fail to realise
(although Matthew Johns clearly understands
now) is that consent and willing participation
does not excuse anyone's behaviour, especially when
there's a resulting potential for psychological
damage not only for the women but for all parties
involved.

Foxy,

Stop talking about blame man!

Hey now we have a workmate who says...

"She was absolutely excited about the fact. She was bragging about it to the staff and quite willing, openly saying how she had sex with several players," said Boyd.

http://www.leaguehq.com.au/articles/2009/05/14/1241894109113.html

"I was disgusted, I was absolutely amazed she had come in bragging about it.

"We were all disgusted by her behaviour. She didn't show any trauma.

"When we were told there was a police investigation four or five days later, it absolutely blew us away. I told police I thought it was all made up, and I believe many of the other staff told them the same thing."

I think these guys are looking more and more 'innocent' every day. Perhaps if she received a more encouraging response from her work mates she would never have been so traumatised. She thought it would make her cool and popular, but those nasty prudish co-workers made her feel dirty.

I think we need to do something to create more sexually responsible young women Foxy. These poor guys are constantly being propositioned by young women for group sex, and it has to stop! The attitudes of young women who see these famous men as purely a sexual conquest or notch in the bed post have to change! We need to re-educate them!

I also think it's time to either investigate all the other 'pillars of society' (arf arf!) like lawyers and politicians and journalists, to see if they have engaged in any group sex, or else make it illegal if it is seen as such a problem.

BTW: I find it funny that some people are now deciding anyone who was there and isn't speaking up is a coward. If I was in such a position, I would find my loyalty to my family (and a desire to protect them from the media sc(r)um) a little more important than adding to the advertising revenue of media organisations. Just why does any of the public or the media think they have a right to continue this voyeuristic feast?

The boy had two problems
1.Bragging. Probably what brought them undone. He was widely applauded as 'jack the lad'.
2.It took him at least 3yrs at uni to lose his grin.

Talking about bias huh? Imagine the attitude if that one was the other way around, a 16yo school girl and a teacher? Most likely the poor 16yo girl would be seen to be traumatised and corrupted by someone in power. Acting out becuase her daddy didn't love her enough and a victim of the predatory male. Interesting the 16yo boy here is seen as the powerful one. Ha!

Hey Foxy, you've got two boys, what would you think if they had a relationship with the school teacher? examinator thinks if said teacher got sacked, it's because you were 'blaming the woman for playing on men's “uncontrollable urges/needs”'.

As I read comments on this I'm doing an exercise of translating them to a different context. Instead of a group sex/jerk off I picture the reaction if the same comments were made about consentual male homosexual activity. Those who express their personal distaste for the activity and who express their views that it's wrong are put in their place. If an employee was sacked from most jobs because they participated in a homosexual act 7 years ago the employer would be in a very difficult legal position.

The act appears to have been consentual at the time. It was legal than and now. Why is this different to other adult sexual activity which some find distastful and or wrong?

R0bert