rehctub

I am very happy that you have a great marriage. What a blessing. It is one thing we can certainly agree on.

“…ever since I dissolved the partnership with my first husband I have been carrying this huge guilt around with me: because I know I hurt a really nice person.”

I suspect he was the one trying to hurt a nice person Romany.

What do you teach? 5 hours long, a feeling of time running out because you’re busy or the culture is fast paced? Do you like it?

“I know it was only a throw away question but…”

Ahh I am a bit freaky, people fascinate me and I like to know why they do things, what they are up to, how they feel and why they form some habits. Husband thinks I’m a bit strange that I will talk about a user on line to him like they are real ! Funny man.

My Impressions based on one week on this site:
I have spent a long time reading stuff from UOG and Peter, even printed out messages to really try and get what they were saying, I suspect they have incredibly fast typing skills. Oh and Examinator confuses me no end and so does spindoc. Yabby; I can’t even figure out if he is sane. PF seems genuine and kind of sweet and Nicky is angry about something. Butcher is bored, really bored like he’s heard and seen everything already. Ginx and Foxy I think are funny but some things I have to read twice or even three times to understand or I think I do in the end, same with Pelican. Graham I am guessing is the boss but mostly absent from his own table and busy in the kitchen. KMB, not a fan of Islam, clouds other thoughts. Pericles has a sharp edge while Col gives one a feeling of being pecked to death by a duck. Jack/ Austin – I have missed some history there with Ginx I think. Symeonakis should write a book if he hasn’t already, SciFi. Romany and Fractelle… you parent the others, put up with all sorts of naughty behavior, don’t leave Fractelle they need you!

[All opinions subject to change]

Thanks so much for all your inputs - it's
good to get such a variety of different takes
on marriage. And really heartening to see so
many positive responses.

I decided to marry because I wanted to spend the
rest of my life with my partner as well as raise
a family together. Even though he was a "player,"
he has mellowed over the years, and I couldn't ask
for a better partner. However, if he was to suggest an
"open marriage," to me - I'd leave.

Romany, I had a girlfriend whose husband suggested
an "open marriage," and she stuck by him for a while,
but the showdown came when she came home from work
early one day and found him in their bed with a woman
he'd picked up at the pub. That was the final straw
for her. She married that guy when they were both
very young and inexperienced in many ways. I often wonder
if age and experience plays a part in whether marriages
succeed or not. The same as whether if the partners differ
in race, religion, or background - do their chances of a
successful marriage drop significantly or not.

Jewely, I agree with Romany on your posts. I'm enjoying them
thoroughly - and you're a breath of fresh air to this Forum.
Keep them coming.

Jewely,
Who me confusing? That does it! YOU are now on my Xmas list! :-)
'one should never settle' Hmmmm. Or did you mean you should never settle... something lesser than your perfect soul mate?
Objectively it all depends on what you want from a marriage ( your marriage definition).

The first definition all that restlessness doesn't appeal and has and would leave me with a sense of being a stranger in a strange land.
In the second interpretation how would I know when I was being picky.

I'm unfortunately a little more objective.
I'm pleased that some people find their "soul mates" but that isn't the reality for everyone. Does that mean I should waste my life looking?

Lines in a movie says it for me. The world wise woman said "when I was young I had many good opportunities with good men but I was independent and never took proposals seriously. I was having fun and laughed to myself. Then the men didn't take me seriously and it wasn't quite so much fun and now, I'm old, alone I'm not having fun or laughing" “Don't let people tell you memories don't keep you warm".

Neither does that mean any port in a storm. To me in any intimate relationship (marriage) there are always 3 entities You, me and us. The children are a separate issue . discontentment occurs with disequilibrium.

Romany, one can love someone but not be in love. This is fine providing equilibrium is maintained (ergo contentment). So if living separately works go for it.

Me I would see it like your ex hubby's “indecent proposal” that of a use by date. Call me insecure, old fashioned anything but to me the disequilibrium would bother me.
I have always been aware of time and I have no intention of entering into a 'committed relationship' or staying there if it has a used by date ('waste of time') nor changing partners every so often... the first option, that is just sex that devalues love.

Fractelle
I know how you feel.
Maybe I wouldn't have returned had eAnt not insisted as I had left too many people concerned.
If you want time to re perspective then do so but don't forget your friends.
Look after your self lady.
Examinator.ant

Dear examinator,

Now you've got me intrigued.

Your reference to finding a "soul mate,"
not being the reality for everyone and
your statement, "Does that mean I should
waste my life looking?" totally surprised me.

You're one person that I would have imagined
will always love someone over the course of your
life. You strike me as being such a romantic.
Someone who feels things very deeply. Even your
last sentence in the previous post - the reference to
the use-by date where you say its, "just sex that devalues
love," to me indicates a great depth of feeling.

Therefore I have to conclude that I must
be misunderstanding what you're saying.