Years ago I was trying to impress a young lady and unfortunately drank too much, I escorted her home and realising that I was making a fool of my self decided to go home by myself. At no time did I touch her, attempt to touch her or even kiss her.

Anyway later I found out that she was telling people that I wouldn't take no for an answer.

To say that I found this accusation upsetting is putting it mildly, I was so angry because nothing happened, and I did not attempt anything with her.

Regardless of what others think of me here, I have never tried to force any woman to have sex and if I felt she wasn't interest, and that my approaches would be rejected, I never persued the matter.

CJ - I am so glad and relieved to see your post. Thanks for having the courage to state your thoughts up front.

Btw: Just for general interest. My son (he's a soldier; one daughter is part-time ADF too). Anyway he found the girlfriend ad really annoying. When you think about it, it's also saying that men need or can only manage alongside girlfriends who are a bit umm 'un-bright'.

http://viv.id.au/blog/?p=2236#comment-81228

I sometimes get disheartened but there are men who are a real ray of sunshine. Thanks for being another one.

Roscop - I'm including a link to the article you cited so that people can read it in full. Thanks for that. At the outset she told police that she'd had consensual sex with some of the players in the days leading up to the complaint. Did you see where it states how she was spoken to after that?

http://72.52.152.33/~leagueun/forums/showthread.php?p=3148907

Nina - it's great to hear about the research being done and that the footy mob has commissioned that. Their motives may not be particularly noble but at least they are trying to impart something to players that they need to grasp in order to relate better to the community. I'll be very interested to follow that. Ty!

Also delighted that you're writing a book. You've sold one already!! I'll keep an eye on your name at Amazon and through the University Bookshop.

To underline the importance of the work that you're doing, here is an example of troublesome attitudes. It's heartening to check back and see that some men expressed their disapproval.

http://bobstruth.blogspot.com/2006/09/jonbenet-never-did-get-laid.html

Still laughing at the railroad tracks (SJF I think :) ) - the Perils of Pauline imagery is great :D

James I hear you (well, read you really:)) and I sympathize. I know that there are troubled people out there - some really unbalanced and problematic, drama centred people. You know though why it was so easy for people to believe her/ - it's the stereotype that men value themselves for their sexual prowess and the embedded notion that real men don't take no for an answer.

I think we are probably fighting the same sort stereotyping. Unfortunately too many men are happy to conform to that stereotype.

As a feminist I believe that men are and can be better than that.

One of the problems for women, especially re: sexual assault; is the pressure on them to explain their behaviour as if they invited assault. You know the sort of thing I mean - did she flirt; what was she wearing; did she accept a lift from a stranger and so on.

What are some ways that you can think of that men can protect themselves from women who might make claims later of improper behaviour?

I ask this because I recently read where someone was advising men to drop a drunken woman off but not to enter her premises and certainly not have sex with her no matter what she seems to be inviting, which is what you did isn't it.

The poster suggested the fellow, if he was interested in sex, phone her the next day when she'd regained her faculties and try to make some sort of arrangement. What do you think? As a general rule of thumb would that work as a recommendation for men in dating situations ?

To CJMorgan
Whilst we are into using epithets (oaf, low-life creep, troll, Neanderthals etc), and you are, like one or two other participants, demeaning the relationships that I have with my daughter and other females in my life, with your offerings of crass sympathy, may I just say that you come across as a chivalrous imbecile.

MAN(sic), as a review of this debate would show, all that you have contributed is puny and reflex support to the affirmative side. Where women are involved it would more than seem that is your natural bent. From my standpoint, that’s okay because I love and admire some of them to ….but I don’t allow that or my despise for what others are up to, to overly colour my thinking on issues. Having said that and in full appreciation of the fact that I don’t own this forum, the kindest thing I could say to you by way of suggestion is if you can’t lift your game, rather than lurk here, you should go get a life.

BTW. Why I haven’t been labelled as “misogynist” has really got me puzzled…because that is the normal trite epithet used for the purpose of nullifying a man’s underlying arguments.

To Pynchme,
thankyou…I will respond.

James H. I am truly sorry you had that awful awful experience. It is completely unfair and disgusting. I guess it's somewhat similar to a man boasting that a woman "put out" when she didn't (this happened to me when I was in highschool and still very much a virgin) though the main difference is that being called a rapist is a actually also being called a criminal. Disgusting. As a woman I'm really offended that that happened to you and please know that not all women are like that!

Which brings me to the next male here. CJ Morgan- bless your cotton socks :-) Thanks for being so supportive. As I have always believed (and has been demonstrated on this thread)- people are people- some are fabulous, some are horrible- gender doesn't have much to do with it- if anything. There are so many great men here- and great ladies too- and there are also some purile, offensive individuals- (both men and women). It really touched me to read you comment. Sometimes, I think people forget that just because I've had my 15 milliseconds of fame, that I am somehow not a person with feelings- other times I think they just dont care (Roscop Im talking to you, you low life scum. personally 'misogynistic' is too good a label for you. I have no idea where your hatred comes from, but you may want to work on it, instead of spraying everyone here with distasteful offshots of your bigotted onanism.- You're a really horrible horrible human being and I have no idea how you live with yourself or how anyone else tolerates your company- you must pay/ bribe/ or intimidate them well. SCUM).

On to happier notes Spikey I've been really interested in your contributions... keep 'em coming!
all the best to all for 2009, n.

Oh, isn't that a lovely little note from nina. CJ must be feeling all warm and fuzzy having received his little pat on the head. You're a GOOD boy, CJ, here, have a nice bone.

What a lot of self-affirming nonsense from Pynchme and nina. I'm feeling vicariously traumatised simply from having had to see it. Can I make an appointment to see one of the "experts" at the NSWRCC about it, nina?

They don't seem to have much else to do to earn the $750k or so in wages they were paid last year, since there was an average of less than 5 calls a day from new callers to the NSWRCC last year (that would be in a 24 hour day, I presume) or approximately 1 call every 5 hours. It's just as well the Centre had $50,000 for IT to cope with such a workload and 4 admin staff to keep everything humming. I don't know how I manage to struggle through with a single phone line and a 3 year old computer with just myself to run it all. I only get through 30-50 calls in a day (that would be an 8-10 hour day) or approximately 3-5 calls per hour. Somehow I still manage to find the time to fill the orders and do the invoicing, as well as collecting from slow payers, attending meetings with clients and suppliers and all the other things that a business requires.

On the evidence of the NSWRCC, grrrls can indeed do anything, especially spend other people's money on themselves. It's a shame that such worthy causes always seem to be ripe for milking by the unscrupulous and that being unscrupulous is yet another of the things that grrrls are able to do.