<they simply need to stop participating in a chauvinistic culture that allows for rape to occur.>

I find this statement deeply offensive. As far as I know there is not nor has there ever been a chauvinistic culture that allows rape to occur.

There is a culture however that encourages men to try and get lucky.

I don't know what the answer is, apart from drastic measures like castrating all males before puberty, sadly I doubt no matter what measures are taken, some women will unfortunately experience what Nina experienced.

Malinger is right about the ripple effect of trauma, which applies in cases of assault, robbery, murder or even natural events like earthquakes, tidal waves etc.

Just recently there have been an unfortunate number of drownings of young children and the ripple effects of this is enormous. Some people will blame themselves, some will blame others.

Nina....if anyone ever grabs you from behind again.. REVERSE HEAD BUTT back into their face. (over and over) (depends on how/where he grabbed you)

Elbow to the ribs, clap your hands over their ears reaching back. Stomp the foot...(not easy) then elbow and run like hell.

Learn where the pressure points are in the hand. I think your hands would have been free no? (at least one)

I'd be interested to know exactly how this character grabbed you.. where his arms were and if you can now in retrospect see any physical opportunity to head butt him in the face?

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/753233/self_defense_grab_from_behind/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5Ud5sXjAos&feature=related

It's a good idea to get with a larger friend (male) and try out some of this... just watching a vid will not help much.

Changing the mentality in society ? that's a huge ask. you will always have the deviating mob.

Thankyou Nina, for sharing this terrifying and degrading experience with readers of On Line Opinion.

It is noble of you to think and write about the affects of what happened to you on those around you.

You must be very strong to write publicly about such personal experiences.

Dear Polycarp

Yes, if I had thought to I would have back-head-butted the guy (and I've since done a self-defence course that taught me just this). At the time though, I froze (for the first minute or so). This is a normal response and I know of one self defence instructor who, herself, froze (even though she was a black belt) when accosted. It's just shock. I was in it- and it paralysed me. It wasn't until I was lying on my back in the dirt and that the assault had progressed some-what that I regained presence of mind (and the adrenaline rush) to fight.

Perhaps more training would have helped. However, once again, I think that although self defence may make women feel more empowered in their every day experiences, it is not the sole solution to rape as it places the onus of responsibility onto women to learn how to defend themselves, instead of placing the onus of responsibility onto the small percentage of men who attack women, to STOP DOING IT. Until these men stop raping, self defence may help in situations like mine, but sadly, in most situations, the assaults are not by strangers, there is no violence (other than the rape) involved, and the victims usually submit due to psychological (not physical) forms of intimidation. In these situations physical self defence skills are unlikely to work as these skills are designed to equip victims responding to physical threats, not psychological forms of intimidation (like, "if you don't have sex with me, I'll tell everyone you're a prude/ lesbian" or "if you don't have sex with me, I'll hit the kids" and lets not even go into the most common form where the victim actually does like the guy, she may have even flirted or made the first move, she doesn't want sex, but she doesn;t want to offend him- she says no, he says (see more text below)

"oh come on" she says "no" again but not wanting to offend him by saying something like "I'll smash your face in" she protests, but he doesn't listen and then in a second, it's already happened...).

I'd also ad the fact that intimate partner (domestic) rape is the most common form of rape for adult women with 1 in 10 adult women being raped by her current or former partner.

These are complex issues- and worthy of debate.

As for the claim that porn is to blame- well, lets remember that there are many types of porn (some awful, some very ethical) and that we shouldn't make blanket statements about what ideologies they support. After-all, it's not what's in a text, but the way in which a text is read and interpreted by the reader which makes it problematic or not (in other words, meaning is in the audience, not just the text).

Finally to the individual who congratulated me on speaking out- THANK-YOU. It's not always easy. But you also labeled what happened to me as being "degrading". Yes. I think sexual assault is degrading. Yes. I think is is humiliating. Yes. I think it is embarrassing. For the coward who does it. I don't feel at all degraded, embarrassed or humiliated and why should I? He is the one who has done the degrading, pathetic, cowardly- and might I add, criminal thing. Not me. But thanks anyway.

That's all for now.

Nina

"if you don't have sex with me, I'll tell everyone you're a prude/ lesbian"

See this is what I am talking about when I want rape to remain rape. Coersion, while not morally right, is not rape. Rape should be kept, by definition, as physically forcing someone into penetrative sex.

Women need equality of responsiblity in this area. Men are responsible for their own decisions, and if a woman throws herself at him or convinces him, even blackmales him to have sex, it's not rape. Somehow, a man convincing a woman to have sex with him is considered rape?

If coersion by a male is rape, then why is seduction by a female not rape?