"There you have it :-)"

Yep, individual's latest suppository of wisdom : )

csteele
Don't let that wacko platypus1900 get under your skin. He deserves to be ignored...for good

Dear chrisgaff1000,

The likes of platypus900 should get under every thinking person's skin. Most on this thread probably feel I have gone in pretty hard and while I don't resile from any of it, in fact I will continue to challenge this man and his views whatever rock I find him under, I do acknowledge it is to a degree personal.

My wife has a fundamentalist Christian father who also did not believe in sparing the rod, in his case a long ruler or his palm. I know first hand how those punishments impacted her. I have spoken about this to two of her other siblings and they too have deep and bitter feelings about how they were treated.

Yet the extended family gathers monthly and just as in platypus900's case smiles and hugs are the order of the day.

Before my wife and I were married, and understanding a little of what had happened, I felt the need to assure her that if I ever lifted a hand to her I would leave immediately. I also was quite firm that I would never harm our children through physical punishment.

One night at a family gathering, when I was not present, my father-in-law struck my oldest child aged about 4 for throwing a spoon.

I learned about it late that night. I drove straight to his house and got him out of bed and outside. He was basically informed if the incident ever happened again it would end very badly. It is hard to describe just how angry I was. All the resentment about how he had treated my wife as a child came to the fore and combined with a father's protective instincts it took a lot of will power not to damage him. He was very quiet and the only words he said was that he understood.

I refused to see him for the next 6 months and my children were only allowed to visit if another adult was present.

I now get on quite well with him and we have never discussed it since.

cont...

cont...

The greatest impact of this 'Christian' upbringing was on my wife's sister. She was the more headstrong of the two sisters and therefore bore the greater proportion of the punishment. What it instilled in her was the feeling that violence in a relationship was almost normal. She married a Christian man and the beatings started early. She tried to seek counselling through their church but when they attended it was to face four other men. She baulked and did not reveal the abuse. Four years later her husband stabbed her nearly twenty times with a skinning knife in front of their children. She thankfully survived. She is a strong and very special individual who has gone on to raise two great well balanced children.

There are many things a parent tries to teach their own children. One of the things I was determined to do was ensure they understood that being physically harmed by those who claim they love them is never okay and never to be tolerated.

I know the feelings of fear, hurt and resentment experienced by my partner from the punishments meted out by her father. I know in my heart these same feelings would have been felt by platypus900's children, whatever they tell him to his face. I resent him for inflicting it on them but I resent him far more for wanting the practices to continue through his children and for claiming some divine prerogative to do so.

In his heart of hearts I don't think my father-in-law feels he did anything wrong, not that he would ever say that to me. It was how he was raised. He is justifiably proud of all his offspring and would see his actions as contributing to their successes. He is getting on and I am not of the mind to ever raise it with him and join the dots.

However those who openly tout this form of physical abuse need to be challenged firmly. This needs to end in this generation.

Yep, individual's latest suppository of wisdom : )
Poirot,
Well, you're one of those it didn't work with. Education couldn't do it, a suppository couldn't do it, perhaps nothing will. No matter how we try to get sense into you, you simply act like a donkey.

I was brought up in an Irish Catholic "Christian" household. I had 12 siblings younger and older and a father who used his position as head of the house like the old "Ancien Regime" He was god just below GOD and we knew it. He used to belt the cr@# out of us for whatever reason he could find especially talking at the dinner table or playing with his fishing gear.
As far as I know all my brothers and sisters grew up to be good hard working social citizens so the strap didn't hurt us.
This 'bonehead' platypus1900 isn't worth the time of day.