Dear Piper,

Your hubbie must be quite a guy.
You guys are still together!

Marriage of course isn't compulsory, and it's
likely to occur less frequently (maybe) in the
future, but it's a fair bet people will continue
to fall in love and try to find harmony together
just as they always have.

Here's something I found in a magazine:

"Lust and attraction don't often last. But to me
that sense of contentment, of sharing, of
oneness with another human being - as you walk
together holding hands, when you sit next to
each other reading/watching TV in the evening,
as you laugh simultaneously at a movie or stroll
through a park or on the beach - your souls are
merged. All the world's your paradise.

Beautiful isn't it? Or does it make you cringe?
I'm aware of a certain self-consciousness that
arises when I think of admitting to that kind of
love. I don't want to be accused of being smug or
boasting, and I certainly don't want to
pretend there hasn't been considerable conflict
and pain along the way. But I do want to be
authentic, so I'm making a stand. I know that
kind of love, and there's not enough of it in
the world."

"When we experience that kind of love we know how
nourishing it is and it exists alongside a whole
range of emotions --- even flashes of acute rage.
It can take many years to achieve, decades even -
and it seems to flow parallel to the journey to
self-love."

I've got to stop reading those mags.
They depress the heck out of me!

cont'd...

I don't want to give you the wrong impression...

My husband is my soul-mate. He's capable of
loving fully, with all of his heart.
His honesty, devotion, and unconditional love
bound us together in an inseparable state of
familial bliss that has been unshaken to this day.

I know it isn't always easy to keep the flame
burning. People grow comfortable with each other,
or they become creatures of habit. And they
are not always in tune with their partners.
The key to all of this is that one person
may do all they can to keep their relationship as healthy
as it can be, but it's not enough. No matter how healthy
you become, your partner has to be working alongside you.
If he doesn't, it's not going to work.

I count my blessings every day - but I never, ever take
anything for granted ...

Checking up on your contract now are you PP? Bit late to be wondering now what you’re in for. Didn’t seem to worry you too much then, aye?

But it’s been 13 years and I bet the average life expectancy when those vows first came out was about 15 years, max. Post wedding day, that is. That’s why we came up with the no fault divorce about 3 decades ago, and more recently, a CS formula to die for. Vows can mean whatever you want them to mean. In fact, that hubby of yours should be proposing every single day to a woman like you. You of course, have the right to refuse him on any of those occasions. Especially when he’s not asking!!

Seriously though, sounds like those vows were given under duress when all you wanted was a piece of paper. Such circumstances wouldn’t even stand up to a simple consent test - if you were a proper feminist PP, you could’ve milked it for a small fortune by now. Disappointing really, but you’re happy and that’s all that matters. (;-)

Foxy: <<"When we experience that kind of love we know how
nourishing it is and it exists alongside a whole
range of emotions --- even flashes of acute rage.
It can take many years to achieve, decades even -
and it seems to flow parallel to the journey to
self-love."

I've got to stop reading those mags.
They depress the heck out of me!>>

Why, self-love not going so parallel?

Houellebecq: [ice sculptures, had a few lines, but snorted them ... elsewhere, wishing your drinks were spiked]

Man, you're a regular party girl - no wonder you lack the most basic commitment skills, LOL.

The Pied Piper
"what it was all about and are their real circumstances that void vows"
My good friend is "void vows" synonymous with "Reasons" for Divorce?

She was unfaithful 22%
We grew apart 21%
We fell out of love 16%
We argued constantly 13%
No longer sexually attracted 5%
I was unfaithful 3%
Other 20%

Couple has conflicting personal beliefs
Couple’s marital satisfaction decreases
Desertion
Adultery
Cruel treatment
Bigamy
Imprisonment
Spousal Indignities
Institutionalization
Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind

"People who thought of divorcing their spouse are 2.46 times more likely to actually be divorced ... three years later....I have one who I wish would stop hugging me, another is dribbling ... he will marry ...."

After they experienced the divorce, would respondents still have gone ahead with it?

Female, it was the right decision 115 votes
Female, it was the wrong decision 29 votes
Male, it was the right decision 60 votes
Male, it was the wrong decision 44 votes

1.Atheists take marriage more seriously.
2. Atheists cohabit before marriage .
3. Atheists have an equal relationship with their mates.
4. Atheists reject the patriarchal model.
I am atheist
Antonios Symeonakis
Adelaide

The Pied Piper i've never married a woman
because marriage is a method by which men control women.

Foxy thanks for that. Are these like online mags or something? I’m guessing it didn’t mean literally having your husband working alongside you but both heading in same direction.

That’s the thing with the vows aye, wonder how many couples parked up and talked about what they each mean by what they are about promise?

“Your hubbie must be quite a guy.
You guys are still together!”

He is quite amazing, he acknowledges and appreciates what a lovely wife he has and voices it often.[grin]

Seeker when did vows first come out – do you mean life expectancy wasn’t that great? What is a CS formula?

But you are right, I never thought about what I had said or had sworn to until a couple of days ago. The legal stuff doesn’t concern me as much compared to a promise one has made. I’m big on promises, I don’t even utter a promise to a little kid unless absolutely certain I can deliver.

I watched Germaine Greer a little while ago now on TV again stating how she feels about housewives. She always goes on about female’s choices but the message I get is that if we aren’t out there working in an office we are somehow letting the team down.

Whistler I think the vows I spoke were pretty even but obviously I’m not 100% certain. I never thought about a marriage being controlling by its very nature but wouldn’t how a marriage is run be up to the individual personalities within the marriage?

I don’t think that stuff is talked about either but evolves over time. Daughter rang the other afternoon asking me to ask hubby to pick her up from work, I asked why she didn’t ask him herself and the reply was something about me acting dense and that everyone knows if I’m the one that asks he will say yes. My response was a dismissal of the suggestion and her description of me… cleverly I wrapped it up all in one word. She may have been right, some things do just evolve.