Dear Houellebecq,

Thank You for actually reading the link I gave you.
I'm now impressed.

I'm also happy for the fact that your partner loves
sex and is great in bed.

But, I don't agree with your view that the double
standard is justified because the men do the
asking and women do the giving. That may have been
the case in the past (Man gets and forgets,
Woman gives and forgives). Today, I think it's more true
to say:

"As you grow older and older,
And totter towards the tomb.
I find that I care less and less,
Who goes to bed with whom."
Dorothy L. Sayers
"That's why I never read modern novels."

Foxy, Mrs Pierno

I agree with H there is an enormous difference between being cheated on and being raped. The latter is physically forced on an individual. The former is a function of the individual’s perspective (expectations etc).

I agree with you the lady needs to work out her problems by talking to a councillor. I do understand even empathize with her pain having been “cheated on” (disappointment in my partner) .

You are also right that we’re not in the position to pass judgement on either of the individuals besides it would be unhelpful.

The ‘sinned against’ partner tends to dwell on blame/anger stage. (Themselves consequently losing self-confidence or others.)
*No matter how well you nurse a grudge/hurt it will never get better*
It is just a stage not a fullstop.

It is healthier not to judge people close to you by your standards/expectations but accept who and what THEY are.
* A useful definition of a friend (partner) is someone who knows your faults but loves you despite them.*

A marriage licence isn’t a guarantee of some unwritten future. Either should it be the end of the individuals there are three components in a marriage (you, me and us) problems begin when the number is reduced.

Might I suggest that it might be productive for the lady to look at three issues.
• Which one of the three is hurt here and why ? (expectations? Loss of me into us?) Perhaps this was the motivation to seek the pro?
• Does this negate all the good ‘us’ over the years and all the good that might come?
• What do I do about it?

This may on the surface seem a little remote but you can trust me on this sympathy solves nothing.

Mrs P ..You can and WILL get through this.

P.S. Start by forgiving yourself and him for what ever failing you may think caused this difficulty.
Reclaim the ME by thinking of yourself by your fist name not the married one. Above all I wish you peace within yourself

Dear examinator,

Thank you for your words of wisdom - both to me and
to Mrs P.

I agree with you - offering sympathy is
simply encouraging someone's self-indulgence.
It doesn't really achieve much. Your advice on the
other hand for mrs P - to re-evaluate her situation
is a good one. She has to move on to find her peace,
and I do believe that counseling will help. But
basically it does amount to her finding her own
strength from within.

Relationships crumble and end because they change, and
no longer give people the food they need. Personally, I
like the idea of longevity, (of people liking you in
spite of having known you for a long time). You don't
need to keep on explaining yourself.

I believe in total honesty in a relationship - that's
why I do feel for mrs P - because her husband wasn't
honest with her from the start. She said that he'd gone
to prostitutes before they were married - perhaps he
has a very strong sex drive that no one woman could
ever satisfy - but that's a private matter between
them - and we aren't in a position to be able to judge.
Although I guess - I am being judgemental - I confess
my sympathies are leaning more towards her then her husband.

If I'm allowed to say it, Foxy, that was just about the sanest post on the initial subject here. I do not agree with your final opinion, I'm ambivalent, but I think you summed it all up extremely well, thanks.
It's altogether too difficult to express a bloke's feelings in this sort of matter, even if you can grasp them, without sounding like some sort of Troglodyte, and I don't propose to try, but I think that as a "person", you've spelt it out "as good as ya c'n gettit", lol.

Foxy -- Prostitution is simply functional in that it meets a man’s needs for a variety of sexual outlets without usually undermining the family system in a way that more affectionate and involved extra-marital relationship would.

I realise that this is a widely held belief in our society but I think it is just an excuse used by the prostitutes and the men involved to justify their behaviour.

It assumes that only men have need for sexual variety. The wife might be quite bored with her overweight , or emotionally unengaged husband too. According to this reasoning it would be all right if she went out and paid attractive men to have sex with her. No strings, or emotional involvement, no harm done to the marriage.

I don’t agree, the fact that someone is feeling this way about their marriage needs to be worked out by that person with their partner, going outside the marriage is as sure as hell not going to fix the problem or strengthen the emotional bonds in the marriage as far as I can see. It must only create more distance.

I like the glue idea though, gluing his pajama pants legs together (or sewing them) is another idea. Or cutting holes in all his undies before leaving would satisfy my vengeful heart.

SANCHO--- I have no tolerance for this sort of hooker bashing. That prostitute isn’t responsible for your feelings.

That prostitute IS knowingly responsible for sleeping with other peoples husbands and partners, She knows damm well that they are married men with children and she doesn’t give a damm as long as she gets her money.

You ask - What was your sex life like?

Well maybe it was terrible, but whose fault is that? maybe the wife is working a full time job and doing most of the child care as well; working a lot more hours a week than her husband who is always laying around on a sofa watching television. If he got in and helped to ease her exhaustion a bit then maybe their sex life would be better.

The prostitute wants to always blame the wife because she knows what she is doing is wrong and she needs to justify it. Of course the man is always going to say it’s his wifes fault never his own.

As I’ve said before if they think they do no wrong then why do they put big privacy walls up around these places to hide their identities. He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.

Those walls scream GUILTY