I pretty much would only echo everything Houellebecq mentioned.

Yabby well said (except that I'd cut lot's of slack on judging character, most of us struggle with that one). These discussions get difficult when a participants life is involved.

mrs pierno, the strength of your comment about not being willing to talk to your ex if you'd known he "was addicted to porn and prostitutes" looks very judgemental and gives the impression that your approach would make it difficult for a partner with different views to you to discuss those views with you. Sometimes people get deeply involved with someone before they discover some of the differences and can't find a workable solution. Deceipt is not a good solution but if you expressed views on porn and prostitution to your ex in the same terms you use here it's easy to see why stuff was kept secret.

Belly, "It is a simple fact far more male and females betray their partners every day". I alwys wonder who they are cheating with :)
I've not made up my mind about the reality of that statement, some surveys suggest that it's generised but not overwhelmingly so.

R0bert

Oh Foxy,

I think you underestimate the power of super glue. I think cutting or ripping the skin away would be more painful than a few little staples.

My sense of humour is here, and I take nothing personally. As you say, I got you to bite.

'But, with your attitude towards women - I imagine -
you'd only grace certain kinds of social gatherings'

How intriguing. Please elaborate. My 'attitude' towards women is one of adoration. You on the other hand, had it pointed out to you that sending someone to hospital to have the skin of their penis or leg cut away isn't all that fun.

So you talk about my 'attitude' towards women as if your joke is harmless, but my reply pointing out the double standard isn't?

Robert,

'I've not made up my mind about the reality of that statement, some surveys suggest that it's generised but not overwhelmingly so.'

Of course it isn't. Any difference is wrapped up in stereotype and distortion. I think if a man cheats you're likely to hear 'he's a selfish a-hole who couldn't keep it in his pants, or he wanted sex with a different woman or his wife wasn't giving him enough'.

But then if a woman cheats you're more likely to hear 'oh she was confused, and she wasn't getting enough attention and he was so distant and she was lonely and her emotional needs weren't being met.' and it's all clouded up in all this emotional self deception.

I remember a tour group dinner when we were discussing the revelation that the engaged to be married female tour leader had slept with one of the group. At the table was me and six women who were just devastated... for the tour leader. Oh she must be feeling terrible, so confused etc etc. Ah, I can only imagine the scorn if the genders were reversed:-) I wasn't popular for pointing this out.

glue penis to leg?

then he would REALLY have to "throw the leg over" - lol

Well in discussions with my male friends, they often say that women and men have different views on sex, proclaiming that a man can have an affair and it means nothing, and still love his partner. Maybe some women think like that too.

It is a complex issue and you cannot judge without knowing all the facts in a relationship regardless of the gender of the betrayer.

I tend to think the 'natural urges of men' approach is just an excuse for bad behaviour. Anyone who really loves and respects another person would not betray them or humiliate them in this way. Dustin Hoffman said in a recent interview that he is faithful to his wife because he loves her and would not want to hurt her, even though he has been tempted and in his role as an actor has plenty of takers.

If a man intends to pursue his sexual addiction to prostitutes why get married to an unsuspecting woman knowing full well you could not be faithful. It is pure selfishness. Marriage is a serious commitment for a man and a woman, if you can't hack it get out of the kitchen or don't get married and save everyone the heartache.

Simple really.

Mrs Pierno

First I'd like to congratulate you for your bravery in starting a topic like this which is clearly emotive and often divisive.

Also, I understand how completely betrayed you must be feeling. Although the prostitution industry is not to blame. Sex workers do not force men to purchase their services, it is entirely up to the client whether he or she wants to use the services of a prostitute. In fact, as Foxy and others have stated prostitution provides an essential service for the disabled or even just the very lonely.

I commend you for actually talking to a prostitute, perhaps you could contact an organisation like the Prostitutes Collective of Victoria who could give you comprehensive information about the industry.

I am not condoning your husband however; quite simply he has been dishonest. Whatever his reasons for seeking out a prostitute, this is something he should have discussed with you first. And now the damage is done. I hope you can work through this; whether your marriage can continue will require openness and honesty from both you and your husband.

Please ignore the vicious responses by some of the posters here, they never have anything positive to say about and to women on OLO and are best ignored.

As for Sancho's comment about older women - well that cuts both ways, perhaps he should have thought of that before posting such a ignorant comment. I usually find Sancho quite reasonable but not this time.