Mrs Pierno here. I submitted the original post. The discussion has covered a vast territory. I wish to comment on Antiseptic's remark. He said that the original discussion was about the fact that some men use prostitutes because their wives don't satisfy them. No it wasn't. I placed the first post. I complimented an apparently young writer on what I think was a well-written article. I also stated how I felt when I found out that my husband was contacting prostitutes. Whatever ideas other people have about relationships, I thought it might be worthwhile to say how I felt as a woman placed in that particular situation. It was my decision to leave. I feel traumatised. If he was unhappy, he could have left. The person who mentioned betrayal hit the nail on the head. He was free to leave, I was free to leave. He was not entitled to deceive me in such an intimate area of life. I don't think making overly personal remarks and insulting each other helps in discussions.

Ah Fractelle, you got it wrong once again, but we are used to
that by now.

For it is females who firstly change, with a drop in libido,
then it is some females, not all, who try to use blackmail
via sex, where they have control.

What you still don't understand is how Mr and Mrs Average
think out there and nope, they are not as bright as you
think lol. Now if you want to discuss these issues beyond
just yourself, then it helps to understand that.

Go down to the pub and listen to what blokes are saying, I'll
give you a typical example"

"If she can't spare me 10 minutes a couple of times a week,
and is so selfish, why on earth should I care about what
she thinks? I work dam hard to provide for that family"

That is exactly what Bettina Arndt understands and you don't.

Dear Yabby,

What if the shoe's on the other foot?

What if a female has a very strong sex drive,
and her husband's libido is the one that's
dropped. What's she supposed to do?

Bay at the moon? Get a lover? What do you suggest?

She doesn't want to leave her husband - he's wonderful
in every other area - and the sex is fine - when
he feels up to it. But it's not often enough for
her. He won't hear about counseling - and won't
admit there's a problem. She can't talk to any one
about it - because nobody will believe her. So
she shuts up and puts up. Because she loves him.

What do you suggest she does?

Dear Foxy,

I do actually know of a single case like that,
where the guy reckoned that she was oversexed.

The truth eventually came out, but it took a while.
He was in fact a closet gay, knocking off other
guys on the sly. He was involved with her to
try and impress his family.

If people arn't honest with one another and learn
to communicate, before they get married, they
are unlikely to achieve it after they get married.

I haven't met any females who claimed that they
could not get their partners to show interest at
least a couple of times a week. There are some
pretty simple techniques :)

Luckily in the above case, the truth came out
before they got married

Dear Yabby,

The problem does exist, believe me.
And it's more common then you realize.
It's not a question of the man being a
closet gay either. It's simply a question
of a low sex drive.

Not all men are created equal in that
area. But no one wants to talk about it.

Yabby
Let me try one more time.

I said it wan an analogy that was prompted by your rather dubious conclusion that her 30 years experience meant she must have learned something. The comment went to Romany who raised the valid point that it all depends on what that experience entailed.
People that seek her assistance by definition have problems. Freud also a leader in his day. His experience with predominately frustrated middle class women ended up with a theory/philosophy that was skewed. The comparison is that Bettina’s views may be because of her skewed experience. 30-40 year experience depends on what that experience is in.

BTW 90 + test subjects are not statistically significant therefore her advice is to be taken in that context.

I doubt that any staff of any age appreciates sexual advice from
- A boss (power issues)
- Someone of a different generation.
- Some one with your older style thinking like you.
- Basic management training tells you topics like that are unwise with employees for a number of reasons. Misinterpretation etc. Staffs are unlikely to tell you that your are offending them. Or they think you’re an “old Fart”. I’ve had to deal with a manager who had conversations like yours and a staff member lodged a complaint.

The biological urge is not as critical/dominating as you suggest. Important yes but if There are current papers that suggest that the human urge to have sex is more dominated by cultural conditioning.
Nature (urge) is estimated in these papers as PEAKING in the 30-40% range. (This is a statistical conclusion) therefore conditioning (family, church, societal) = 60%
Your personal emotional interests are driving your conclusions.

As this will be the last time you see me for quite some time or ever a response is pointless