I continue to be troubled by the situation of a teenage girl who usually serves me in a video shop.

She is a happy, reasonably attractive kid with nice figure. Yet.. I've been there in the past and noticed many many slashes on her forearm. I asked her about it once, and she said "It's a problem I had once, I'm over it now" ..then.. some weeks later, I saw many new slash marks.

I'm wondering if anyone here has had experience with this, either personally, or.. an acquaintance, or has some knowledge which might be beneficial to store in one's memory bank in respect of this.

If I were to speculate, my guess would be "She has low self esteem.. self loathing, is trying to get attention, has been abused, has psychological issues... or all of the above."

Seeing as there are plenty of hugs going around at the moment, it might be good for all of us to just think of those out there who are struggling with such things, and to be in a mental, emotional, spiritual state ourselves, such that we can somehow pour into such lives, the healing love and comfort they obviously need.

Dear David,

I've not had any personal experience with what you describe, however I have seen interviews on television with some very troubled teens that exhibited signs of the type of self-mutilation that you describe.

These teens were undergoing counselling - and it seemed that it would be a long and very involved process.

It concerns me that this girl has new slashes - that you noticed.

I don't think hugs from strangers would help her. But, she obviously needs help - and fast.

I don't want to tell you what to do David, I can only say that I would go and have a talk (discreetly) to the Manager of the store -
and express my concern.

What do others think?

Or should David just stay out of it altogether?

A sensitive situation.

Its a pity you dont know more about her family history.
Ive come across many people who have come through the pentecostal christian churches who have had a problem attached to the spirit world...e.g. family connected to witchcraft...who have had almost everything from bi-polar conditions to frequently overdosing on medication (to one girl who did slash herself)....who submitted to prayer and were healed.
Perhaps all that could be done at this stage is to pray for her in Jesus' Name and ask The Lord to take charge of her situation.
Im not making any issues here but I am convinced that the more the children and the teenagers open doors through things like Harry Potters witchcraft practices the more emotional and mental problems they are going to get.
Witchcraft is flooding evrywhere through films and books.
The current one at the movies is The Spiderwick Chronicles which has a promo "Their world is closer than you think".
If only parents knew how close that world is, they would never allow their children to watch it.
I believe they show how to open doors to that world in the film.

Mmmm Yeah Gibo, lets try that.

Definitely tragic, but definitely not a thing for a stranger to get involved in. You're opening yourself to stuff you don't even want to contemplate. You don't know her, her family dynamic, her mental history etc. There would be ANY number of reasons she's doing it (doubt if Harry Potter is really an issue but), but I believe self mutilation is all about being able to control and redirect pain (from her POV).

No answers from me, but only advice to the effect of don't get involved. If you as a customer saw it, you can bet your last brass razoo someone with some sort of influence on her has too.

Boazy, self-harming is a classic symptom of various psychological disorders, notably depression. While your intentions are obviously good, the last thing she probably needs is a customer of the shop in which she works making an issue of it.

These days there are many effective strategies for dealing with illnesses such as depression, including medication, counselling, psychotherapy etc. She's very likely to be receiving some kind of professional help for problems already, particularly if her symptoms are so obvious.

Unfortunately, young people with mental illnesses often fall prey to well-meaning but ultimately damaging religious types who convince them that their problems will be solved if they repent and find Jesus, or worse, subject themselves to rituals like exorcism etc.

If she's really self-harming, she needs professional help rather than religious meddling.

Well, as the resident loony (being bi-polar) I vehemently agree with all the other posters who advise you not to butt in. Self-harming is a symptom of another problem. Unless one is qualified to diagnose what that problem or condition is and how to overcome it, any intervention could - and almost certainly would - have tragic results.

A person who is self-harming in a place where it is discernable is not "looking for attention." They are crying out to one specific person and their self-esteem is such that they wouldn't actually consider that ordinary members of the public at large would notice. By mentioning it, or offering "help" this may result in the marks disappearing from the arms ...but reappearing on the thighs or stomach. It could indeed result in stopping this behaviour altogether, true. But then it could lead to the person engaging in some other form of risk-taking behaviour that could be potentially fatal.

Rather just continue to be pleasant to the girl, crack a joke or two and don't give her a hard time over anything. That's all you can, or should, do.

FOXY - I wouldn't think it a good idea to speak to her employer. Mental illness is still a very sensitive issue. Probably the employer has noticed. Indeed, may even have some understanding of the problem. However, if they think that customers are noticing and that some could be made uncomfortable then the poor kid could lose her job. (I once lost the column I had been writing for eight years and was fired from the newspaper the week after I wrote about having a mental illness). At least at the moment she is still functioning. If she lost her job she might stop altogether and completely break down.

ps BD you wrote that she is a "happy" girl. Obviously, if she is self-harming that is the last thing she is. And being good looking - or even downright beautiful - has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Mental illness doesn't just attack ugly people.