A smile can save a life, absolutely. It's a horrific thing to see and incrdibly difficult not to reach out and attempt to do something, even something small. I can't really add anymore than I already have apart from saying don't treat her any different than you if you didn't know. People who are....in a sensitive 'place'.....have some sort of psychic ability to pick up on vibes, and it's usually detrimental becuase they get that from all directions. They want to be left alone. It'll make her uncomfortable if you make her aware of it again.

My missus sits in uncomfortable emotional places occasionally due to various things. People trying to comfort come across as condescending and really they no idea what's going on, or why. It's best left to those who DO have an idea to deal with it. All you're seeing is a picture on the cover of a book.

I got what you meant about the figure and how she looked comment David. But things aren't always as shallow as the media make out what young girls issues are about. Who knows what triggered her 'cutting'. It could be anything from being raped, to mental illness, to severe physical or mental abuse, she may seen someone murdered, or she may 'just' have some emo trend thing going on....it might any mixture of the above....no one may know.

Hi BD,
I really feel for the girl and the people who love her. I’ve wanted to reply earlier but you had so many sensible responses already but the girl keeps coming up in my mind during the day. I can imagine that this is on your mind as well.

I agree with StG that it would be very hard to speculate ‘why’ she does this.

There was a girl at my High School who self-mutilated. Once, she cut her wrists too deeply and ended up in hospital. She didn’t talk about it much but I remember she said that she didn’t know why she did it, just that she had an uncontrollable urge to harm herself.

She received help after that scare and I remember that she learned to control the urge by inflicting discomfort in a harmless way, e.g. when she felt a strong urge to cut herself she had a cold shower instead until the urge passed.
When she was away from home and not able to have a shower, she wore an elastic band around her wrist and snapped until the episode passed.

thanx so much Celivia.. ur right.. there have been a goodly number of sensible responses and perspectives thus far.

Stg, again, though thinking you have little to offer, came up with a valuable insight in how to treat such people.

"Dont' treat the person differently than if you did not know"...

now this creates a mild dilemna. I agree completely that to focus on the 'symptom'.. (any kind of symptom for any type of weird behavior) is to miss the mark. "Wise as serpents, harmless as doves" as the Biblical saying goes. But if such a person is actually 'wanting' to be noticed? aah..thats the difficult choice. To ignore could be the same as noticing.

Jesus encountered many types of people.. and while He did not go out of his way specifically to find them, they did come to him. The woman with a chronic hemmoerage is one. She fought her way through the crowd, just to touch His garment..and was healed. Oh that my wind cheater had that impact!

In this case, I wonder though.. is she looking for someone to notice?
If I was doing drugs, and injecting..I'd hardly display the line of puncture marks for all customers to see where I worked in retail.
This dear girl has often had her sleeve rolled up.. and the marks are VERY visible...there is a long line of cut marks side by side.. probably 20 at least she must be aware of this.. .. 'cry for help' ? Who knows.

"Intervention" is very delicate, and no ones business in the normal scheme of things. As I've said above. the best approach in my view is simply to communicate security and love and understanding by one's demenour.
Perhaps with the added non verbal post script. ."I'm here if you need to talk to someone".

Boaz - did you actually read what I said? (and btw, it was I, not Whitty who mentioned the power thing)

If she is doing it where it can be seen then there is someone very specific whom she wants to "show" to. Its not you, nor I nor Joe public. In a state like that other people don't impinge much on one's consciousness. Strange as it may seem, she probably doesn't take into account that other people take any notice. I'm disturbed that you mentioned it to her at all, as you said you had done in your first post.

You also said you were surprised that "one of us" engaged in this behaviour? When I would go to talk at schools/businesses I would count classroom audiences off by fours. Then I would ask all the number 1's to stand up. They represent all the people in Australia who will, at some time in their lives, suffer either from a chronic or episodic period of mental dis-ease (i.e. chronic depression). Then number 2s stand up. They represent the parent, spouse or sibling of that person who will thus be involved. Number 3 s stand up to represent the best friend or confident of the person. By the time the number 4's - who represent the classmates, employees, employers, customers etc stand up the entire room is standing.

Thats how many people in Australia will be affected by mental illness in some way in their lives. We have to do so responsibly.

Romany

I concur with your points, I performed my own version of self-mutilation by escaping from depression through blocking it with legal and illegal substances, I am lucky to have come through it. Many people are not so fortunate.

What Boaz has revealed with his latest discussion thread is just how gauche he really is: assuming that women don't know what men are thinking about them. No doubt this young woman has already interpreted his gaze and she is already having enough problems without some 60-plus male foisting his attention (no matter how well-intended) on her and her life. While self-mutilation screams 'look at me', this doesn't mean just anyone. Who the people she truly wants attention from are likely to be those in her personal life - not strangers.

BTW Boaz, most men may think many a thought about a woman's body, but most men have the grace and courtesy to keep it to themselves.

Fractelle:- to be fair to DB, perhaps in this instance he was actually illustrating a common misconception?

If someone who is hugely obese, or suffering from terrible acne, or is in some way handicapped, presents with a mental condition most people think they can understand. But when mental illness doesn't come wrapped in a damaged outer package there is still a large sector of the community that cannot see (literally) any validation for the damaged inner package.

But I am unsure if BD understands completely yet: he is still thinking about "people like that". Even though he was shocked to discover people on this thread who have been there, done that, and decided the t.shirt doesn't fit, he has yet to fully realise, I think, that "people like that" are actually "people like us."