I used to self mutilate. I cant honestly say i am 'over it' as i dont think u can ever be totally over it. Its been 2yrs now since i last cut myself, some say i am 'well' now, but there are still days when i am drawn to the powerful lure of cutting myself. But i dont. So far anyway.
I think that the girl in the store needs a lot of help, compassion & support. I wouldnt make an issue of seeing new cuts on her arm. A customer did that to me one day & i felt so humiliated & embarrassed even though i just seemed to brush it off to the customer.
As to the "WHY" of self mutilation - for me it was an overwhelming urge, it helped release some emotional pain & sometimes - it just got me some attention which i craved for some reason, but mostly it was a release of pain.

Chillisox

I don't know what else to say you except thank you. I think your post has been the most important contribution to this thread.

For all my misgivings about Boaz, I think he will take note of your straight forward honesty.

Good_grief Fractelle... you are reading soooo much.. into this thread about 'me'...its almost unbelievable. This is about 'people who self harm' for crying out loud.

I've never come across this before until now..and I'm stumbling my way through it like everyone else.

When I saw it the first time..I didn't have a clue that she was doing it to herself..I thought it was writing.. "did you run out of paper" kind of thing.. then she told me what it was..and I realized. She told me 'I'm over it now'..so I simply put it out of my mind..then when I saw new cuts.. I said zippo about it.. nothing.. zero... I immediately realized that she is still having some kind of issue.. and the best approach is NOT to highlight it.. and since then I've not.

ROMANY...thanx for that, yes.. ur pretty much on the right track there regarding my input.

CHILLISOX.. thanx specially to you for what you shared.
Key words "Emotional pain" .. and what's the answer to that ? clearly its opposite. "Emotional healing"..which comes from genuine love.
Probably the most depressing experience in life, is to long for someone to love you..and not finding them.. or him or her.. such as family, friend, etc.
The great danger in such situations in my view is when we allow our situation to make us overly introspective such that we become socially repulsive..which worsens the original problem.

If I was going to attempt to give advice to anyone in such a situation... it would be this. TRY no matter how much you think it can't happen... to develop a level of social attractiveness, by realizing that people are not drawn to 'sad sacks' (harsh fact of life) and then, get involved in SOMEthing.. which has people in it..
Gym.. Toastmasters... some kind of social group..but DON'T whatever you do, be waiting for someone to ask 'You look a bit down.. whats wrong'?..and then pour out a life story of misery'....
Just be genuine, and try to put on a happy face. Think about others more than self, it may help.

David,

Humans are mercurial beings: sometimes on top of the world, on others sad, fed up, lonely. These states can last for hours, days, or even far longer. Its the way normal human beings fluctuate. When feeling fed up a walk on the beach or a vigorous game of squash can do wonders. If down periods last longer than usual then joining in with others and taking our mind off our problems helps enormously.

But people with mental illnesses are NOT in what is recognised as a 'normal' state of being. Mental illness is another state of being entirely. Such people are not in control.

Can you even begin to imagine what its like not to have control over your mind? You don't have the option of "developing a level of social attractiveness". You hear words coming out of your mouth that seem to have bypassed your brain completely. You suddenly "come to" in the middle of an action with no idea of when or why it was initiated. You can't remember what you did a day, a minute, an hour ago.

"The great danger in such situations in my view is when we allow our situation to make us overly introspective..."

We do NOT take a decision to become self-absorbed. Our perceptions are controlled by a malfunctioning engine part: a mind we don't know. There is no reality other than what this alien mind constructs and we have as much control over it as one would a runaway train.

In the aware moments we know perfectly well "that people are not drawn to 'sad sacks'" and that this is indeed a "(harsh fact of life)" so we KNOW we are total failures as human beings because we have no control our sad sack-ness. Why would we therefore want to be with other people when we KNOW they will hate us or reject us or think we are other?

"If I was going to attempt to give advice to anyone in such a situation..."

Don't. Ever. "Attempt". It.

Boazy, while I have no doubt that your motivations are subjectively 'good', you really don't have a clue about this stuff, do you? However, it is to your credit that you seem to be seeking other perspectives.

Having said that, I'm with Romany:

<< "If I was going to attempt to give advice to anyone in such a situation..."

Don't. Ever. "Attempt". It. >>

Romany, thank you for your sharing.

In my place of work I come into contact a lot with young people with mental illness. We have children's and young adults' psych units.

The emotional pain that these kids have is enormous. Unfortunately many also come from very difficult and harrowing childhood backgrounds.

Boazy, with any kind of illness or difficulty, whether mental or physical, it comes across as grossly condescending, negating really of the validity of that person's experience, when somebody who wouldn't know what it is like think they can help.

Other than that. This is timely to think of how we treat our children and have been for a long time. The extent of child abuse that has been exposed in SA is not unique to that state.

'You'll be right. Just buck up. Think of how bad some other people have it' is not helpful, but painful and alienating.

You help by being a normal, courteous customer who expects the same service from her as you would from some one else. By treating her the same as the other staff at the store.

It is sad that 'feminist' issues, Islam issues and abortion issues can take up pages and pages on OLO threads, but issues on how we treat our children barely goes past 3 pages