Team

One point I wish to clarify... my last post was not directed toward people with 'mental illness'... and I'd appreciate if people who are ripping into me about that would kindly come down a couple of steps from their pulpits :).

What I was targeting in the last post, was more the condition of depression, brought about purely by life circumstances..not due to mental illness.

Romany.. that was helpful.. your description of things 'bypassing the brain'... I've encountered a lady with Schitzophrenia..and a bloke as well.. the lady committed suicide eventually, (a friends wife).. the bloke.. lost track of him many decades ago.

So.. RE-stating my 'advice'.. which I believe is entirely valid for people who are not suffering a medical condition of mental illness.

CJ.. you love to jump in when you think you can score a 'BAD BD' point :).. if you folks who berated me about my last post looked a tad closer.. I was connecting my 'advice' to Chillisox post/situation. He/she spoke of 'emotional pain' causing depression/self harm.
We all (with or without mental illness) experience emotional pain.
The important thing is not to allow that non medical related pain to dominate our whole persona.

Sometimes...(as it was for me once) we need someone to enter our lives and be an instrument of healing. I recall when my dad died,(my early 20s) mum having passed away earlier.. me an only child.. empty house..
rather like a social shag on a rock...disconnected from social relationships due to transfer to Melb from Sydney (RAAF)and contemplating my future.. seemed pretty grey and overcast. Then, a bloke I knew from where I was studying invited me to his place for Christmas.
How that changed things. It was just what I needed. Now they are like family.. to this day.

The only thing we can do for people with MI is love them in all their 'moments', both good and bad.

DB,
at the risk of being considered to be "ripping in" to you, I need to try to clear this up. I need to expand a little on Chillisox' post and your understanding of it.

Yes, emotional pain and the way it is handled individually can lead to depression. Unarguable. Whether or not that escalates into clinical depression - which is considered a mental illness - also depends upon different factors i.e. the individuals themselves, their circumstances, the method of coping.

But chronic mental illness and temporary mental illness are different sides of the same coin.

A chronic mental illness has a physical cause: i.e. certain synapses in the brain are actually absent, or faulty. Certain parts of the brain can be damaged, or absent. A brain-scan can actually pinpoint these deficiences or damages. You can SEE them.

We are incapable of knowing, when we meet people on a casual basis, which type of mental illness they suffer from. Therefore it is not possible for us to be able to help everyone in the same way. Or at all, sometimes.

Being kind, being loving, being available, not causing anger or angst or fear or worry through our words and deeds - these are the things which help people of every sort and in every situation. Gratutious advice does not

Just to clear a couple of things up and maybe add some more info for you.
I am female, married, 3 kids ages 15, 12, 8.
I have been diagnosed with the following over the last 16 years: mild depression, prenatal depression, post natal depression, major clinical depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder. I have been on Cipramil, Zoloft, Efexor, Stilnox, Valium, Lithium, Largactil, Luvox, Prozac to name but a few. I am still on some of these. I have had counselling, therapy, group therapy, seen psychiatrists, psychologists, mothers groups, been admitted to various psych hospitals, high dependancy units. I have overdosed so many times i cant remember, cut myself & had so many stitches i cant count, yelled, screamed at & hit my poor husband. I have cried more tears than i thought possible. I have missed out on years with my children because i simply cannon remember. I wouldnt wish this on my worst ememy.

The reason: unknown. Contributing factors: family life? forced to give my baby up for adoption at birth? maybe. who knows. All i know was that one day i couldnt stand to be alive & the emotional pain from all of this was unbearable. so i cut, od'd, & whatever else i could do to "take the pain away"

Chilli...I can understand that.. as you describe it. The most frustrating thing must be not knowing where it's coming from.

Romany..no, ur not ripping into me there, but I still wish to uphold that advice.. or.. simply call it words of encouragment if it makes them sound better.. the point I'm trying to make... is that there is a point, where people can become a 'sponge' for love, care, attention etc.. and they can see this as normal.. without actually trying to give back or to share something positive with others.

Part of the cause of ordinary depression has to be a kind of morbid self focus.. "Why is this happening to 'me'".... and then they can dwell on it.. and that produces social consequences..which exacerbates the problem.. and so on.

It's that cycle of self inflicted worsening that I'm addressing, and I believe it is so very easy to fall into.

So please don't call it 'gratuitous' advice..its very sincerely meant and it does 'work'. (maybe not for all but for some)

A friend of mine had depression once (bought on by an event as opposed to a physical cause) and I remember at the time feeling at a loss on how to help her. Up to that moment I had not had anyone near and dear to me in that situation so did not know how to react. Like all friends you want to 'fix' the problem but sometimes there is no 'fix' or easy solution.

So, I simply asked her what can I do or not do to make things better? And she told me and I did it - whether it was to help clean her house, cook a meal, distract her from her pain by 'making' her go places with me and most of all provide support and companionship without judgement. Thankfully her illness was short-term and she is fine now.

Advice is probably best left to the professionals or those with experience in this arena. Sometimes well meaning advice can be harmful and might exacerbate the condition if it is offered with unintentional but uninformed judgements and beliefs about mental illness.

Boaz

You started this thread to assist you with something that was troubling you.

Well you have received some of the most consistent well thought through advice I have ever seen on OLO - a consensus in fact.

Yet you still seem to be arguing for becoming personally involved in this girl's private life.

If you really care about her, you will take the superb advice that has been offered and treat her with the kindness and respect that any retail employee has a right to receive. Be a good customer, polite, courteous and warm without being intrusive.

That way she will know that not all the world is out to take something from her or is simply indifferent to her, that her work is worth something to her customers.