"We seem to be one of the only beings that indulge in sex constantly and not just for the procreation, why is that do you suppose"

One theory is that, because the woman is pregnant for a long time and then the infant needs constant care for a long time, she needs a man around to provide the necessities of life. A great way to keep a man interested in staying is to constantly be available for sex.

Although many things have changed since the early times of Homo Sapiens, mutually satisfying sex is still a great bonding factor. [But obviously not the only significant aspect of a satisfactory partnership.]

Actually I have some different beliefs about sex than some people here.

Firstly, I don't believe that anyone can 'give' another person an orgasm. Orgasms come from within (excuse the bad pun) not from without.

I don't think that it is a good idea to compare oneself with others in the area of sexual activities, because the only way to really get a comparison is to either hear about how you compare with your lover's previous partners, or to invite your lover to compare you with new partners. I don't think either is such a good idea.

And just because your partner has two, three or four orgasms with you doesn't mean that they didn't have seven or eight with another person who they haven't told you about.

Don't forget, that even with eyes open, the person you are making love with may be 'with' another person in their mind.

No one has ever died from not having sex. It is not a need, but a pleasure.

I believe that having no sex is better than having lots of bad sex. Sex can be a bond between two people, it can also be the cause of bitter division.

Sex is not always about sex. It can be about power, control, manipulation, subservience, money (even in relationships), bodily integrity and just plain affection.

Some people actually enjoy the missionary position, others swinging from the chandellier and others in a hot tub or sneaking a quickie in a public place.

Some people enjoy sex without needing to have an orgasm.

There are many people in caring, loving and tender relationships without sexual activity being involved.

Essentially, there is no such thing as normal: just the area of what is healthy and beneficial for the individual, physically, spiritually and morally.

Well, that is tuppence worth up to this point.

Ok my 5c worth, seeing everyone is giving theirs...

There is some truth in the saying that women need a reason for sex, men need a place. I guess its just hormonal differences, they do affect behaviour after all. One thing about sex, it can make for a good sleeping pill :)

Pairbonding, as we and some other species do it, has some good evolutionary reasons for being as it is. Its common in species where lots of resources are required to raise the offspring. So lots of what we do is easily explainable.

As I get older (53) my view on love and relationships has actually changed. I married my wife as she was cute and we kind of got on and seldom argued. We split on good terms, we just wanted different things from life. She was a city girl, I've grown to love country life. But we were never really on the same mental frequency, which some might understand.

Since then I've had some amazing, soulmate kind of relationships with some women. Love, affection, sex etc can take on a whole new meaning under those circumstances. It really can become kind of spiritual, based purely on that huge mental understanding.

Problem is, they have kids, grandkids etc in other parts of the world and those grandmommy hormones are awfully powerful, meantime I want to live here in country WA. So there is no solution sadly.

So if any thinking female who likes country life, is looking for a new boyfriend, please let me know :)
bonobo@westnet.com.au

Hamlet (and other unbelievers in my individualistic "philosophy")

Taking your statements point by point:

Its true that woman have orgasms mainly through there own efforts but making them feel relaxed enough and in the right frame of mind to acheive orgasm is the mark of a sensitive sex partner.

My mates (male and female) compare their cars, renovation costs and incomes so why not compare sexual abilities (and gain some handy insights as well)?

I've fully debriefed my partner on her previous lovers, using all my fiendishly successful (but cuddly) interrogation techniques and NO, nobody else comes out better.

Record of Interview: She appeared to have no reason to lie when she said that after our first date (no we didn't do it) she felt so distracted and HOT she nearly had a car accident. Another gal has said that before too (so there).

Whatever has been said on this string about woman being "different" (because they don't really get horny) is wrong - in my experience.

New partners? I doubt it - I'm kinda an investment. It ain't easy, I do the cooking and cleaning as well - while she does the working.

Has she generated more orgasms with others? - Unlikely or she would take here life elsewhere. Either that or the love, support and happiness I give her must count for something.

Is she lying? I have a greater faith in the female half of humanity than the male. Woman make me happier and she's paying most of the bills.

"making love with may be ...another person in their mind"! - a perceptive comment and quite possible sometimes. I do it myself sometimes, but "thinking distracted" usually puts one off the "act".

I don't disagree with your other statements.

In my case (perhaps similar to others in this string) I've got the type of mentality which requires bucketloads of sodium valproate and lithium. While the type of "public service" I was in doesn't want such people I've carved out a new niche for myself as a "house husband, writer and lover".

Well Plantagenet, yesterday you were telling us "I've found (when I've been on the prowl) that I instantly distrust woman who are very good looking - they walk."

That sounds to me like a kind of insecurity.

Check out the words to When You're in Love With a Beautiful Woman by Dr Hook
and If You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life by Trini Lopez.

These songs follow your concept for lasting happiness by recommending that men avoid getting involved with attractive women.

Well Rex matey

At first glance I thought your question was "smart" and rhetorical then I postulated that deep insecurities made you ask it.

The comments I've made on this string are sincere, even if they look flippant and attempt humour.

Its up to the depth of the reader to understand where I'm coming from.

Forgive me when I say I base my comments on personal experience rather than your selection of lyrics. Ideas are rarely original just packaged better by the famous.

Anyway to answer your question "insecurity?" - partly, but mainly a sensible estimation of risk and an appreciation of how I measure up.

Like men as woman get older maintaining the desire to look like a 22 year old becomes a heavy investment (cosmetics, dresses and plastic surgury are priced high). Such woman are welcome to follow their values but high cost appearance maintenance is not of interest to me and beides I cannot compete with men who generate a large income.

This assumes 3 generalised "Laws":

1. People frequently move to a new partner as their own social aspirations change or increase (eg. the "sugar daddy" or "trophy wife" phenomena);

2. There is a "correlation of looks" (no doubt mirrored in lyrics) which suggests that in general, people that pair off have the same level of looks. A man that looks less attractive usually needs a countervailing trait to keep his mate - usually steady money; and

3. Sincere love not only relies on the heart but the head.

Hope this helps you through the day.