Hamlet,
I enjoyed your post immensely, especially the 12 condoms part, but let me assure you from one who is and has suffered chronic major depression, that anti-depressants definately do lower the libido, however not for the reason you may think. Lowered libido is a side effect of many anti-depressants, along with weight gain, and you must really work very hard to overcome the three evils, depression, loss of libido and weight gain.
Depression is a terrible affliction, I won't go on with the subject.

Scout, I feel for you in your situation, I have recently also become unemployed, and I know how tough it is to survive let alone pay a mortgage, however I am heartened by your comments, it is uaually when you are not looking that someone comes along out of the blue to provide you with that "bonus" which YOU so richly deserve, I pray the sooner the better.

I really love discussing relationships, my second marriage began when I was on my own, after my first wife left me for a younger man with more energy, she was 27, he was 19, I was 32, at the time. I had been communicating with another employee of the company I was working for, who was at another branch 1,000k's away, when she mentioned one day that her husband belted her, so I offered her a safe haven if she wanted to run, never expecting anything other than to provide accomodation. That was 1992, we are still happily married. I had not been looking, nor had she, but we hit it off immediately, out of the blue, you see Scout sometimes minor miracles do happen...

Hamlet - only once a month? - And only the missionary position no doubt :oP

Shonga - you are very kind. I am going to describe myself as being in between jobs rather than unemployed in future. Having excellent admin & computer skills I intend working as a 'temp' - I am fed up with office politics and bullying. Have a number of plans for income which will provide the freedom I need to be happy.

Notice how the focus is back on sex - I would like to ask all posters a chicken and egg type question:

Do you need sex to be happy or do you want sex when you are happy?

I have already explained the importance of sex to me - as a desirable bonus, but not a necessity like food, shelter and so on.

Scout

To respond to your question "Do you need sex to be happy or do you want sex when you are happy?"

I run the risk of sounding crass, shallow, boastful, characteristically overboard and obsessed with sex BUT what the hell I'll answer anyway.

Yes I need sex to be happy because sex (instead of I how I kick a ball or how much money I make) is one standard I measure myself by. Since my divorce (yes its a rite of passage these days) from my first wife, I've had three partners - for 8 months, 3 months and 11 months (still going strong). Along with affection I've always attended to their sexual needs.

How do you measure sexual skill? Well originally it was over the sheer number of orgasms I could give her (say 5 or 6) per "session" on average.

I've altered my art to giving her fewer but much more intense and prolonged orgasms (now just 2 or 3 per session). As with my previous partners she's over the hill. So I know I'm doing well in life in one area at least.

This reinforces our deep love, affection and spiritual (in the broad non religeous sense) bonds.

She and I both agree that sexual ability is an essential trait in a partner. Not the only trait, of course, but for us it isn't underestimated.

So thats my response, keeping on subject and to the point.

I've noticed how coy other poster's in this string have been about (what and how) they actually do IT. I think this coyness is quite cute :)

plantagenet - your boast is safe with me.

However, I wager that you treat your partner with respect, you have a secure roof over your head, lots of yummy food and clearly a good sense of humour.

If your partner was miserable (for whatever reason) - you wouldn't force yourself on her now would you? So you have a happy partner, ergot lots of lovely sex.

For women the orgasm starts with the quality of the relationship - well before the bedroom.

Thanks for your response.

Now, come on people don't be so coy.

Scout,
To answer your question in part at least:

Personally making love tends to make us both happier, as opposed to "does it make you happy, or if you are happy do you want sex". For us it is a non planned activity, which happens, and after which we both feel happier than we did before making love.As it reinforces our commitment to each other, in spirit [also the non religeous type].

As for what we do and how we do it, I certainly don't mind telling, however I don't want to be censoured, and banned from The Forum, so if Graham gives his permission, I would be happy to describe chapter and verse, but for now surfice to say lots of foreplay is essential in a good love life for us. Our first time took 12 hours, which we have not been able to replicate, however today's version lasts well over an hour, I don't have any time for the "wham,bam, thank you mam" theory practised by self indulgant men, who are selfish to the core,and couldn't care less for their partners feelings.

I call a spade a spade, I am currently unemployed after a 21 year stint as a Purchasing Officer, with a multi national company, due to a restructure, and the Purchasing Section being transfered to Brisbane, 1,500k's away, which has worsened my chronic depression, however I will take this opprtunity to try to rid myself of this illness before seeking further employment, as I too am weary of office back-stabbing, being bullied and harrassed, and emotionally and psysicaly assulted and threatened

I don't believe you need sex to be happy, but it does make you happier. Nor do I think how or where you do it matters, it is the feeling you get from your partners response that is most important and satisfying.

I was lucky to spend more than 20 years with someone that had the same drive as me and we found the time to express our love for each other anywhere and at any time. Since that time more than 13 years ago, I've not met anyone that I feel that way towards, so I am celibate until I find one that wants that form of sensual expression constantly. For me being on a sensual high is the ultimate feeling and just makes you want to get closer to your partner until you are one

As someone said early, lots of women us it as a means of getting what they want. I find that and mens approach a turn off. Until you have developed a strong trusting friendship, then sex is just an act of possession.

Sex has been used for many reasons, but to me it is a union that may lead to a better understanding and open doors into our souls. Lots of people search for their soul mate and want to form a union that attains being at one.

I studied a philosophy that stated you could attain a conscious eternity with the right combination of creative energies that included intimate sensuality. It was fascinating and would be great if it could be attained. The problem would be finding those that wished to take that path and all its creative intricacies.

We seem to be one of the only beings that indulge in sex constantly and not just for the procreation, why is that do you suppose