Amel, I'm not being graphic, certainly not gratuitous either. I'm being realistic. How else can I convey the gravity of the man's offence and the moral turpitude of his actions? It's what happened, its on the record and in the public domain. I got my facts in the public domain.

Inner etc.,

yes it is in fact true, to an extent, however you missed that she was also brutally bashed with a boomerang, and that he was found to be criminally responsible of a lesser offence on the basis that he did not realise that his action was wrong.

The girl was purportedly his traditional wife, and the community supported his actions. The larger community in NT did not, and consequently the Criminal Code is being amended. I feel that this is about time, as it has occurred before.

Hamlet, I feel for you. I am wondering why you stay? Kids, gender biased family law, sense of loyalty or do the good times seem to outweigh the bad times.

My ex only hit sometimes - generally I think it was a technique to escaliate an argument. Stage one name calling, stage two threats, stage three punching. Plenty of emotional tirades at night etc but especially the night before a uni exam or on the weekend when I had to finish a major uni assignment.

I stayed because I had made a vow "for better or worse" and because I had an inkling of the bias in the practice of family law. I didn't want to become a 20% dad. I'd seen what some of her friends had done to ex's and their kids in search of the mighty welfare and C$A dollar.

Nowhere in the counselling we did or post seperation mediation has any "family" professional made a clear statement against female initiated family violence. They all appear to be so tied up in the "its a male thing" that they refuse to acknowledge that it happens the other way. No wonder stats collected from such groups show a gender bias, it'd be like asking some of the extremist posters in these forums to collect stats on good muslims vs good christians. If there is any acknowedgment then they assume it was justified - she was upset and angry so that is OK. It is never OK.

Hamlet, if you can get out without kids being harmed (more than they will be by staying) do so, no one should live with ongoing abuse - man, woman or child.

R0bert

RObert

I stay because I choose to, no martyrs here, only volunteers. We are blessed in not having kids.

You said:

"Plenty of emotional tirades at night etc but especially the night before a uni exam or on the weekend when I had to finish a major uni assignment."

I wonder if my wife and yours learnt their techniques at the same 'school'. It was precisely the same for me, before uni exams and assignments, yes, and also when I was going for job interviews. I have learnt not to tell her of anything important that may be happening that doesn't directly involve her, until after it happens. When I got a new job I only tld her the night before I started, and that was probably a mistake. It is as if she does not wish me to be able to improve my life; I think that you probably understand.

And yes, through all the counselling everything was always my fault, so I can relate to your experiences. This is how institutions that are meant to help collude to enable violence to occur. I have been very fortunate to have worked with some very understanding people.

No one deserves violence or abuse in their lives, women, men, children. Another form of relationship violence that is not often aknowledged is violence by children, males and females, against parents.

No relationship violence is acceptable.

Gee....
it seems there are some very hurt and scarred people here.. Hamlet and Robert, maybe more. We all have scars.. some are not the physical kind, but I have to commend you guys for not hitting back, against those who attack you.

It would not surprise me if a significant number of the reported 'male perpetrators' are in fact 'male self defenders' where in fact, the woman being the initiator simply didn't count on 'him' being able to deal with her in a physical manner. Or.. (and I suspect this is more accurate) she does realize, but continues anyway in some deep seated yet twisted desire to be punished, or to confirm her own sense of guilt or worthlessness or even to confirm her misguided ideas about 'him' ? I'm sure there are many permutations.

Hamlet, you mentioned that you are involved in the Sydney Anglican scene.. have you considered the Biblical approach ? Matthew 18.15 ?
I know there are limitations to how much one can apply such in a marraige because when you let others know, it can compound an already bad situation.

How did this begin ? Were there any signs prior to marraige ? Was there some particular trigger point or issue ? What about extended family .. can they help ? Is there any indication of her behavior being medically related ? Did someone she respected let her down ?

Prayer, and building up your own relationship with the Lord will make a huge difference, at least to your own strength level to cope, and maybe even influence her moods.

Don't mean to be nosy, but you put it here and its difficult not to want to share in some helpful manner...
Matt 11:28 would be most relevant to you now.
Cheers to all.

I am the father of two beautiful vibrant daughters and I am dreading the day I expose them to the risk of men.

Hamlet....you can't help them who don't help themselves (faith or no faith), and I put it to you that by choosing to stay with your abusive partner, you are exactly the opposite to the brave individuals who are fighting repression in the article.