BTK
I meant to comment about your statement - "I don't have too many friends on here...".

Not so at all. Most posters have acknowledged your painful experience but are hoping you can find another way to deal with it that is not so self-defeating. This does not necessarily equate with marriage but at least to find a peace that might enable you to enjoy sharing some aspects of your life with a special 'other'.

You seem like an intelligent guy that has just been hurt, it takes time but life will get better if you help it along

Billy

We can suggest to friends leaving because of discontent that they think about what can be done where they are. On the other hand some people will never do what it takes to be a partner to their current spouse.

For men wanting to avoid the traps.
- Make sure you are strongly and visibly involved in your kid's lives. Take them to kid's parties, the park, to play dates, arrange work hours so that you are not unknown at the child care center or school and all the other stuff that to often dad's leave to mums.
- Take family leave from work to care for sick kids and a leave for that special event in their lives.
- Never accept that working to pay for that bigger house (or the bosses bigger house) instead of being involved in your kids life is more important.
- Don't go along with "wait till your dad get's home then you are in trouble" You don't want to be set up as the feared parent.
- If a marriage does split find way's to do the parenting you want to continue with.
- Never ever let the hurt spill over to threats no matter how unlikely you are to follow through with them.
- Try to think about the big picture. Focusing on anger at an ex for leaving ( or trying some nasty tricks ) will hurt you and your kid's and probably make an ex feel more justified in leaving.
- Make sure that you behave better than your ex, that you can look back afterward's without shame about your own choices.
- regardless of how bad it gets remember that kid's will often wake up to a manipulative parent as they age and will make their own choices one day.

R0bert

R0bert

Respect to you - that was terrific advice.

And a tip for more sex, show you care not by flowers (that's great for a surprise but no compensation for day to day behaviour) but by being involved - share domestic chores without being asked. Smile. Give genuine compliments. And remember, sometimes when your partner wants/needs a hug that is all she wants.

Sex isn't a bargaining tool in a relationship and you should kick any woman to the kerb if she uses it as one. Who wants a woman like that anyway, with no sexual desire of her own, needing you to jump through her hoops for a normal expression of intimacy.

And plainly, by Severin's logic, if your partner doesn't share in the yard work and give you compliments, they don't deserve any attention. So if the lawns aren't mowed when you get home every second Friday from work, don't talk to her. It's only fair that if she denies your needs you should deny hers in the same way.

And remember Severin, sometimes when your partner wants/needs sex, that is all he wants, so don't pester him for cuddles or bore him with your stories of the days events.

When I said lots of suicides, CJ Morgan, I can think of at least 14 occurrences..A couple of whom I was very close to..Google the stats. It's not surprising I know that many..Why would you question that?

As for the rest of CJ Morgan's last post. I deny I have masculinity issues. I also can't see any changes I could have made that would have stopped my ex wife leaving for a fantasy that turned into a disaster...Believe me I've looked and tried...

I'm now going to change what I have previously said and put it out there that I am not bitter but realistic...Yes there are nongs in both genders....So what is the problem?

I believe this new culture we have of not judging or pointing the finger (at either sex) is causing the crisis we now have. In other words, people are doing what ever they want with no regard for how others will view it or how it will affect others around them...Judging encourages some kind of restraint....

If there are going to be en mass family break downs (this is a masculinity issue for both genders) there needs to be a better way...(not a single magistrate) that determines what is fair...and laws that reflect fairness....i.e 50% care of children (not just a philosophy as per now, but actually do it)...50% of accrued wealth ONLY while together...As I've said before...Why would someone that's divided their wealth unfairly once line up to do it again?..This is a whole society problem..Ranging from inflated house prices to kids being raised without dads to men that just don't care any more......

Currently you are at the mercy of one persons life experience and bias (the magistrate) and that is simply not working....

Severin and R0bert have such balanced views that I admire and wish I could be more like...

Houellebecq, are you being as you have said "devils advocate" here? And i didn't take your cryptic hint..Didn't understand it to be honest.

Bitter no (well maybe a bit), realistic yes!

"And plainly, by Severin's logic, if your partner doesn't share in the yard work and give you compliments, they don't deserve any attention. "

No by my take on Severin's logic if a woman want's quality time with the man around the house that will involve doing some of the stuff he enjoy's with him. A guy might be more willing to talk more over some yard work with a partner than if together time is always at an expensive cafe or similar.

Some will abuse meeting their partners needs by treating that as bargaining tools but for the rest it's about the give and take of life. It's about men feeling better about their partner when they value what's important to the man because it's important to him and visa versa.

R0bert