The only reason I didn't divorce my husband, her brother, was because she wanted it so badly.

She went on her merry way, and I was filled with hatred, and posionous need for vengeance. My son's pleas for me to contine being the person he knew and loved stopped me from devoting my life to hating her.

You have no control over circumstance, but you CAN control how you react to it. I became a bible reader - one horrible night I chose to open a bible and read it, instead of wrapping my car around a pole. I just wanted to die, and not watch the outcome. "The bark of a small dog is louder than the roar of a dead lion" was a passage that stopped me that night.

You are in the throes of this right now, and too blinded by pain - a pain that will seemingly last forever.

ALL of us are God's children, and ALL have the right to his favor. Not just 'true believers'.

Adversity brings you closer to God. Believe it or not, I thank my sister in law for the love and closeness my family now enjoy. We lost our material posessions, and gained spiritual ones that cannot be taken. We are a truly close, strong, loving family that might not have been if not for her.

So thank you Cindi. God loves you, too.

onlyone, if you lived closer it wo0uld have been my dream to meet you and talk with you about all that has happened, I guess the internet has made us all a little closer even if not in person. I dont know if what I feel right now is hate or if I am seeking vengeance, I hoenstly dont know onlyone, the one thing I am looking for is justice, for the truth to come out, my only hope is that this woman get struck by a light and decide to finally tell the truth at the Committal Hearing which is set to be in April 2007. I still hope for that to happen onlyone, will it happen? I dont know, I can only hope it will, I can only hope my dear friend. When I was a very young man, remember seeing my mother always sick (she had tubercolosis) she couldnt breath, she was suffering like hell. One day I was so upset that I took the crucifix off the wall above my mother bed, holding it on my hands, I spoke to him, I said "You dont belong in this house anymore, you are not fair, my mother is suffering too much every day and night, do something, either cure her or take her with you but do something. At that point in time I threw the crucifix out the 4th floor window and screamed "You will only be bak in this house when you made your decision" Continues....

Continued....., Guess what happened onlyone? My mother tubercolosis disappeared, not completely cured but she never sufered again, before this, all doctors where saying that my mother wouldnt live past 40, well guess what? She lived to be 79 years old. At that time I become a true believer and did all I could to say thank you God, for giving my mother back. 50 years have gone by, I mentioned before and repeat, I lived my life in the name of God, I tried and believe succeeded in giving my children the highest standards in life, every single day I prayed and thanked God, onlyone, yes you are right, we are all his children, but as in real life when sometimes a mother or father sell his child right now I feel I am being sold myself to the devil, as a human being one can endure so much onlyone, if a person comes to the point when he feels of having being abandoned by everyone he ever knew in his life and most importantly by someone this person really trusted and believed then it becomes too much to handle. If you truly believe in God then you must believe the fact that we have a destiny, and there's nothing I can do to change my destiny, if that is what (if exists) decided for me the day I was born. Priest say we make our own destiny, thats a blatant lie, we think we can make our own destiny, but none of us can change whatever is in store for us, whatever he decided would be our destiny. Continues

I did very much the same thing when my brother died, Maxx. I sat down at the kitchen table, demanded God to return my brother "if you love me". I gave him until 2:00 to do so.

I now had permisson to hate God, since he didn't obey my demands, and I did so with impunity.

I was blessed with three beautiful children, and a wonderful husband. I didn't see that back then - before. I spent a lot of time discontent with how little money we had, how naughty my children were. I was (secretly) embarassed of my son's learning disabilities.

After my life was cleaved in half by this accusation, I had a horrifically painful epiphany of just how wonderful my life had been -before. How beautiful and wonderful my children were. How hard my husband worked for what we had.

I thought I would never have feelings of joy ever again. I thought my life was over, as was my child's. I considered putting a gun to his head, rather than let him be ruined in prison.

Some months into my ordeal, a dear friend's son was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Like me, her hopes and dreams for her child were forever shattered. We were both broken, frantically distressed women able to live one day by day for the sake of our children who were by now our greatest pain.

Continued.......onlyone I am not sure if you understand what I am trying to say, one thing I can tell you though, each and every time I asked a priest to explain to me HOW ARE FREE? God being God knows exactly what is going to happen to us since the day we are born right? I asked every priest, his answer was always "YES" to which I repolied "Then how can we possibly change what is already written? The answer I always get to this question is "SON YOU MUST BELIEVE, DONT BE LIKE ST. THOMAS"
I apologise to everyone4 who read this forum, I will never again post religious comments, is not what Robert started, please accept my apologies one and all.

I asked her if she thought we would ever have feelings again - would our lives be forever blunted and shut down, only pain and fear seemed to exist. She said no. We never would be happy again.

She was wrong, Maxx. It took years, and years. I'm still not over it, I'm still pained by it. But like I said before - true joy, true love, and true knowledge of God has replaced my former reality.

My father died just a year before the accusation - Thank God. I thought the three years he suffered had brought me some understanding of God. How wrong I was. Death is a natural part of life. Injustice is not. Thou shall not bear false witness is one of the Ten Commandments for good reason. It's as evil as something gets - it's murder. It's theft. It's betrayal. It's obscene greediness. It's all the sins.

My son was lucky this happened when he was so young in a way. You are very public at that age. You are in school, in friend's homes and lives. You are closely observed. For him to be accused of such an unbelieveable crime as this, was just that - not believed. He will have to spend the rest of his life carrying this burden, but he did not have to endure anyone thinking he was actually guilty - except, of course the courts.

I found a great help in books like: Man's search for meaning, by Viktor Frankel - a man who endured the death camps in Nazi Germany. How to stop worrying and start living, the author's name escapes me tonight, I'm getting the flu...even the Alcoholic's 12 step program helped me. I learned to look at my own sins to understand how others could sin against me. I learned the value of forgiveness. I learned to look for a higher power in all this...

However painful, I hope you read the story of Job...

I hope your spirit triumphs. Regards, Aly