Pynchme, Anansi, Celivia and Romany

Thank you for clearly stating the many complexities of domestic violence. And all the extensive thought and research - very time consuming and I hope that any OLO reader can follow the links and find help if they, too, need it.

Domestic violence, for me, was about power. My husband wanted to control everything about me, the way I looked, what I did, my social life and wanted complete subservience at home. We actually lived together for 12 months before marrying. He changed once that wedding ring was on my finger.

R0bert

What you want is what any victim of DV wants - help and also validation. And validation is what I believe you really seek. I was too ashamed to seek help for myself. I just eventually got organised and left. Only 20-30 years ago the situation for women was much the same as you are describing for men. Thanks to feminism the entire issue of DV has been brought into public awareness. There are places for men to go and counseling available, not as many services as for women this is true. However, most of it is due to the anachronistic stereotypes that still prevail today. Like "be a man" - what tha freak does that mean anyway? Being a real man or woman is about self-control, not controlling another. Dominating another person is not a sign of a mature fully-integrated personality.

For people like Antiseptic it means that any woman who talks about her experience or protests about DV is "henpecking" and "emotional". These attitudes are demonstrably still very much in evidence throughout our society. This is why women still have to be very vigilant.

Keep up the protest, R0bert, together we may just put all bullies into the dustbin of history.

Pynchme:"negative views about women"

I don't have negative views of women, but I do have little respect for the arguments attempting to make the morally bankrupt case that violence against women is qualitatively different to violence against men. Your post is simply another example of the attempted demonisation of someone who disagrees with your poorly-made case.

Pynchme:"There is NO reason why emotional aspects of DV or any violence shouldn't be expressed"

If your goal is to inflame rather than inform, than emotional arguments are fantastic. Ask any dictator.

I have been accused of "bitterness", "hating women", being tainted by my experiences and all sorts of other things because I freely acknowledge that my experiences have shaped my views on certain things, which I then try to fit into a logical framework. The ones who so accuse me are inevitably the same ones who then justify their own views using their own experiences. Frankly, I see nothing but hypocrisy in that behaviour.

I have said that I visit and contribute to these forums to improve my own understanding of views opposing my own. It's a shame that so many of those holding such views are unable to do the same, with yourself as a prime example. On the evidence to date, you are simply incapable of accepting that a view opposing your own can have validity. That leads you to make silly errors of logic in your utterances.

Pynchme:"you're an old geezer, that is - presumably you just don't know any better"

LOL. My age is irrelevant, but I'll go so far as to say that I'm not as wet behind the ears as you appear to be.

I might also add that much of your output would be classed as "violence" if a man said it to a woman in a domestic situation. Congratulations.

Antispectic: "On the evidence to date, you are simply incapable of accepting that a view opposing your own can have validity..."

When someone presents credible evidence by credible researchers I have great interest in working out how all the pieces so far known fit together; and modifying my grand theories accordingly, if needed.

If you are talking about the misogynistic material collected together on hate mongering anti fenminist/ woman hating sites; such material is opinion; some based on partial evidence and misrepresented stats.

Btw: I don't need evidence from anywhere to feel and express compassion towards anyone victimized by any abuser and, as Fractelle mentions, bully.

Antiseptic: "I might also add that much of your output would be classed as "violence" if a man said it to a woman in a domestic situation. Congratulations>"

Do you have an example?

Pynchme, you attempt to belittle those who disagree with you in all sorts of ways. In your last post to me you claimed I had "negative views about women", that I lack compassion, that I "nurture" "hatred", that I must be senile or at least "an old geezer" and that I am just "sad". This was in an effort to somehow discredit me personally for daring to suggest that there is no qualitative difference between violence directed at males or at females.

That, according to the DV campaigns we see all the time, is abuse. You are a classic practitioner of the double standard. Some might just call you hypocritical.

Antiseptic CONSTANTLY belittles others who have an opinion that is not shared by him on topics that have anything to do with feminism, mens' rights, domestic violence orders, child support, womens' rights and similar topics.

If someone agrees "partially" with him, he'll bend a little regarding his abusive nature. If someone essentially disagrees with "his" opinion, he'll then offer put downs and personal abuse, and when someone replies to him in the same manner he cries "foul", and paints himself (and sometimes men in general) as the victim.

He uses the typical violent and abusive ploy of blaming others for "his" behaviour.

Imagine anybody suggesting that Antiseptic holds negative views about women!

Where would they get such an idea?