Kept off this post because, unlike the majority of you, my identity has been compromised and many know who I am. Which is fine in regards to my own business but impacts when talking of people I know, which may happen here. However I've been involved with this issue for a long time so something I say might help?

Seems there are 3 issues here currently:

1) the original post re abuse of boys.
O.K., now somebody mentioned something about taking it up oneself? This is, I am convinced, one very real way of helping. When I took on the issues both of mental health and male suicide I did not represent any community, organisation or Government Department. I went around to schools, men's clubs, women's organisations, community service clubs, churches etc.and talked. And talked. And talked.(And cried and laughed)

Raising consciousness and making the ENTIRE community aware is a biggie. I have a huge number of files on people who came forward and on-going projects that thus evolved.

2) Help for the person whom PALEIF are concerned about. Guys, I hear you and understand your emotional response. It's disgracefull, heinous and heart-breaking. Its also very difficult to give advice because there is no blueprint. No two people will react to abuse in the same way. If counselling is not working it just may not be the answer. Or the actual counsellor might not be the right person.

3) The person you want to help has access to this thread? Then if she wants to e.mail me personally - through Graham initially - I'm here if she needs to talk. I've been there myself too, remember.

Romany, who are you?

Romany,

Wow- Thats awfully nice of you. Thanks so much Romany. I have been reading this thread with interest but wasnt game to post because Robert doesnt like me either and I didnt want to have the thread diverted or reduced to personal swipes as we see above.
I addmitt I am guilty of being a member of pale but Romany I am a member of many things. I felt I wanted to say THANKS for the victim because I have met the victim. I dont know if they would contact you or not because I guess there is only so much one can take of being dissapointed but when I see that person I will try to encourage them to do so.
The counciling has been done by a trained phyc and also the sexual abuse unit through the department.
I know that the other lady helping the victim has also many times tries to get some help to make the police charge him through brave hearts Hetti Jonhston.
I also know they simply do not get back to people and are really rude on the phone. I know that because i made three calls there myself regarding this victim after attending the lawyers with them and he insisted that brave hearts were informed.
What i dont get is why the police dont at least charge him and put him through the courts. The lawyer said many of thse people are easily broken down in the witness box. Anyway the police know there is a eye witness to provide a statement (The grandmother) who apparently still cries herself to sleep from whay she she and feels guilty she couldnt stop it.
I am just wondering what more the police want. Robert I see you have now responded to pales post.
Thats good and BTW I wish you all the best in your posting and life in general.
I agree it took guts to tell your story.
And Romany - thank you and God bless You.

Taryn,

PALE said they had already contacted A Current Affair, I think? HHmm. Well, sometimes there are more ways of skinning a cat...

ACA said they wouldn't do it because of the laws of slander etc? Well perhaps another angle, like "Community Loses Faith in Police" and, without naming names use all the info mentioned here: Eye witness ignored, person still at risk, 5 days with no result from police, "alleged" perpetrator still free etc. etc. Its also important that when contacting media one stresses whats in it for Them e.g. controversial story. Don't be too emotional. After all, they are not actually in the business of helping people when you think about it objectively. Thats just a good result (with perhaps another follow-up story). They are in the business of getting viewers and controversy + police + community (not one person's) dissatisfaction could make a good story.

As to the young person. Sometimes a victim (though I don't like to use that word) can get the feeling that professional shrinks, counsellors etc. have theoretical but not practical knowledge. Even if they've "seen it all before".

You feel like an insect under a microscope. You also feel that They are somehow "better" than you because it hasn't happened to Them. You feel a sort of barrier. That's why sometimes its good to talk to other people who know exactly the kinds of things you are feeling. And who have come out the other end.

Instead, and without warning.. sychophantic admiration (peer and self) killed off this discussion...

Vanilla,

Ah hell, girl. I was saddened to see that you had cried. As I have said before: I am a complete wimp and have ended up in tears often after reading OLO comments.

I think that when strangers meet only through printed words there is sooo much room for misunderstanding. For example, I am waiting for someone to start on me for striding into this thread only at the end and putting in my two cents worth: must come across like an ole busybody.

Robert once said something very wise about people processing information through their own perspectives which, dammit, I can't quite remember. But I guess, having been put through the wringer over their on-going nasty experiences with cops and lawyers etc., the people trying to help this young person are feeling jaded and at the end of their respective ropes.

When I was accused of being "smug" and "self-righteous" (see, it still rankles)I went through agonies and collared friends, colleagues...god, even the lady down at the local shop... for D & Ms for weeks.

Also have always remembered someone on the Mouseketeers(!!) saying that we never remember the good things people say about us, only the bad things. So go have a glass of red, a couple of belly-laughs at Bertie Wooster, and then think about all the good things you've ever been told.