Hi all.

I just thought we might be able to lighten the forum up with a bit of humour if thats ok with everybody.

Please do not use this thread to be unkind or nasty because we are looking for really funny stories from posters.

Funny however is good. Dry Humour I love. Well intended funny clean jokes all exceptable.

If you have something that stuck in you mind as amusing then we would love to share it if thats ok with you.

Most people know us through our work to improve the lives of animals.

That can be sad work sometimes so I really enjoy OLO.

It gives us a real break to just discuss something else for ten minutes and shows us how many others are out there doing their little bit for the community and what they believe in

OLO has done that so we should thank Graham Young .

There is often something to smile about or laugh about just around the corner on the next post.

Thank You OLO and thanks to all those people out there with a sense of humour over the last few years that have made our job just a tad easier to bare.

So Ok guys- Whos got a funny story. It doesnt have to be only on the forum. It can be something that happend with a neighbour for example.

BTW Happy New Year to all OLO Posters

So Lets have a laugh=

Joke

Smart Dogs
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist and the fourth was a union official.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog "T-Square, Do Your Stuff!". T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that T-Square was very smart indeed. However the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said "Sliderule, Do Your Stuff!" , Sliderule went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.

Everyone agreed that this was very good. The Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said "Measure, Do Your Stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a single drop.

Once again everyone agreed that this was very good and Measure was in fact a very smart dog. Then the three men turned to the Union Official and asked what his dog could do.

The Union Official called to his dog, "Tea Break, Do Your Stuff!". Tea Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooded on the paper, barked at the others dogs, claimed he'd injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers compensation and went home on sick leave!.

Consultants

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
Then young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."
To Be Continued

Continued

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant." says the shepherd.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about my business
" ... Now give me back my bloody dog."

Away for a week Enjoy

"Hair Removal"....This is funny and I don`t have a clue who wrote it, but ...what a hoot!
All Hair removal methods have tricked women with the promises of easy and painless hair removal....the Epilady, Nair, scissors, razors and now...the wax! ...Read on....

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix Dinner, play with the kids!....I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my ears for the next few hours,..."maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medecine cabinet?"

So I headed to the site of my little excercise in insanity,...the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a lump of hot wax,you jusr rub the strips together in your hands, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them on to your leg (or whatever place) and just pull the hair right off!

No mess, no fuss! How hard can it be?...I mean I`m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this one out? (Ya think?)
So I pull one of the thin strips out, (it`s two strips facing each other, stuck together) Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I get the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees, ("cold wax",...yeah right!)...I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin around it tight and pull!....(It works!)
OK, so it wasn`t the best feeling, but it wasn`t too bad!...I can DO this!...Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am "She-rah", fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip I move North. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet bowl.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek,...(it was a long strip!)...I inhale deeply and brace myself.....RRRIIIPPPPP!.....I BLIND!....blinded by pain!...(Oh My God!)
(continued)

"Hair Removal" continued:
Vision returning, I notice that I`ve only managed to pull off half of the strip!...CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPPP!....everything is spotted and spinning! ....I think I may pass out!....must stay conscious! Do I hear crashing drums?...Breathe, breathe ...OK, back to normal!
I need to see my trophy,...a wax covered strip!...the one that has caused me so much pain,....with my hairy pelt sticking to it? I want to revel in the glory that is my trfiumph over body hair?...I hold up the strip,...there is NO hair on it!...Where is the hair?....Where is the WAX?
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet bowl!...I see the hair,...the hair that should now be on the strip!...it`s NOT! I touch....I am touching WAX!
I run my fingers over the most sensative part of my body,..which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair! I then make the next BIG mistake!...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet bowl?...I know I need to do something,...so I put my foot down!
Sealed SHUT!...My butt is sealed shut!....I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next and think to myself "Please don`t let me get the urge to poop!...my head may pop off!"...What can I do to melt the wax?...Hot water!..Hot water melts wax?
I run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,...get in,....immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can then gently wipe it off,...right?......WRONG!....I get in the tub,...the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or to sterilize surgical instruments!.....I SIT?

Now the only thing worse that having your nether regions glued together,....is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub,...in scalding hot water!...( which by the way does NOT melt cold wax!
So now I am stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!...(God Bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to get a phone installed in the bathroom!)
(continued)