I was amused by this

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article3174770.ece

Sylvia.

(Hair Removal) continued:
I call my friend, thinking that surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone? It is a very good conversation starter:..."My Butt and Hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the bathtub!" ...there is a slight pause,...she doesn`t know any secret tricks for removal, but she does try to hide her laughter from me!....She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,..."Are we talking cheeks, hole or Hoo-ha?" ....She`s laughing out loud by now!...I can hear her, I give her the rundown and she suggests that I call the phone number on the side of the box!
Yeah!...Right!...I should be the joke of someone else`s night?...While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape off the wax with a razor!...Nothing feels better than having your "girlie goodies" covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the bottom of the tub in super-heated water and then dry-shaving the sticky mess off!
By now the brain has ceased to function, ...dignity has taken a major hike and I`m pretty sure that I`m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress councelling for this event! ...My friend is still talking to me when I finally see my saving grace!....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax!....What do I really have to lose at this point?...I rub some on and.....OH MY GOD!...the scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend on the phone!....It is Sooooo painful,...but I really don`t care!...IT WORKS!
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up!....I succesfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair,.....the HAIR IS STILL THERE!....ALL OF IT!....so I recklessly shave it off!....after all I am completely numb by now,...nothing hurts!....I could have amputated my own leg at this point!

NEXT WEEK I am going to try hair colouring.........

Saint Peter greets three women at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Paradise, ladies. I'm sure you'll have a
lovely time, but we do have some rules to make your
eternal stay more pleasant. We're a little overrun
with ducks at the moment and it's very important you
don't stand on any of them. You can do anything else,
just don't stand on a duck!"

It got to day two and the first woman accidentally
stood on a duck. Suddenly she found herself handcuffed to
the ugliest, smelliest, most revolting man she could
possibly imagine. She would be chained to this hideous,
creature for eternity.

The other two women decided to take more care. But, one
night, as they were stumbling back from the Paradise Bar
with a few drinks under their belts, the second woman
stumbled and oh,oh - she stood on a duck.
Immediately the same thing happened. She found herself
handcuffed to the most grotesque man, forever.

After that, the third woman commenced a daily chant:
"Must not stand on a duck, must not stand on a duck."
For two years she chanted this mantra. And it managed to
keep her feet feather-free.

But, one day she suddenly found herself handcuffed to a
really divine looking man. An Adonis. Completely gorgeous
creature. "I don't understand," she said bewildered.
"What have I done?"
"I don't know," the man replied, equally confused.
"All I know is that I stood on a duck!"

Cuphandle, I loved the anecdote you posted. It reminded me of a similar experience - though not quite as extreme.

A couple of years ago my then partner and I also invested in a cold wax removal kit which I inexpertly applied to his butt crack. With the same results as the unfortunate person in your story. We, however, had the brilliant idea that the hot sun might do the melting trick

Scouting out a deserted beach we spread our towels and he lay with his butt as a waxy and somewhat inelegant offering to the sun-god. However, he woke suddenly from a doze to find a creepy-crawly on his towel, gave a yelp...and rolled off the towel onto his back.

When he stood up his butt crack resembled one of those sea creatures that disguise themselves with bits of shells and the detritus of the deep! Solidly super-glued in there and protruding a few inches were twigs, leaves, bits of shell, coral and dried seaweed, and a mummified soldier crabs carapace - all cemented in by a layer of sand and clinging to the waxy tangles that the sun had not melted.

Unlike the girl's friend in the story I'm afraid I was not so tactful and my howls of laughter can be repeated any day when I bring that grisly image to mind.

Cuphandle and Romany; you've had me crying with laughter!!

Thanks for a damn good belly laugh!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD REVISITED

We're all familiar with the story of Little Red Riding Hood and her narrow escape from the wolf that had eaten her grandmother, and of the heroic actions of the woodsman who saved her from death by killing the wolf with his axe. Now, however, you need to know the 'rest of the story.'

The local trial was brief; the jury only deliberated an hour before finding that the woodsman's act was justifiable homicide. However, a series of watchdog groups pointed out that this was an obvious case of racial discrimination, as there were no wolves on the jury; furthermore, the entire jury was, in fact, made up of not only humans just like the defendant, but by denizens of the woods, an area with a history of racial discrimination against wolves. The Justice Department ordered a new trial, charging the woodsman with violating the wolf's civil rights.

When the prosecution pointed out that the wolf's killing and eating of grandma indicated his definite tendency towards violence, the defense council countered that the wolf was raised in a violent, dysfunctional family where such actions were commonplace, thus it was in his nature to do such things. Further, the prosecution insisted that the wolf had not intended to kill grandma; he was only hungry and had entered to home in search of food. He only wanted to share the wealth, which was certainly reasonable, and upon seeing grandma, also may have attempted to have sex with her, but grandma, with a history or racism against wolves, resisted and would no doubt have killed him if she could have managed it, so the wolf had been forced to act in self-defense. The subsequent eating of grandma, it was insisted, only indicated the desperate hunger and poverty of the disadvantaged wolf.

As the Federal trial continued, some new issues became clear: (to be cont)