I am sure Cristy's feelings are real whilst she struggles to complete her Ph'd fighting against the patrairchial oppression and sexism and at the same time dealing with the change in her body image.

I recalled the other day a friend who was so desperate to have a baby, that she was prepared not only to put her health on the line, but her life as well.

Against medical advice she choose to continue her pregnancy, she even had a stroke which made her dysphasic and at one point she became so ill that she was admitted to Intensive Care, still she choose to continue the pregnancy.

Both she and the baby survived and she has a healthy boy. Fortunately for most western women they are not faced with such a life and death dilemma's.

And when compared to the third world we do not really have to worry much about the survival rate of our children where in the third world a large percentage do not even see their third birthday. We worry about luxuries such as child care and maternity leave, Ph'ds and careers.

I guess the work of the culture of patriarchial oppressors in this country has had nothing to do with improving the health outcomes and survival rates of our children.

Here we go, again.

Patriarchal conspiracy theories.

"Its all about me."

What a surprise.

For example your paid MATERNITY leave agitprop speaks for itself. You realise that there are two parents and one is prolly a man? You realise that there are a lot of men who would welcome the opportunity for equally paid patertinty leave? Better still call it PARENTAL leave. Gender specific labelling alienates a natural ally, speaks to female chauvinistic (gender based superiority) view of motherhood. You think we cant see this?

Switzerland has 1yr parental leave for EACH parent. With job/position waiting upon return.

Try taking a broad, INCLUSIVE perspective that doesnt alienate the 'other' sex behind the usual littany of latent hostility. Check ideological pretensions at the door. Lacks credibility. People dont like that. Especially the one's you claim are responsible and need to do more to 'fix' things the way YOU want them.

Your incessant adherence to 'us and them' perspective is your biggest obstacle.

You keep sending this message that women are poor little happless victims and men are evil patriarchal oppressors who can scarcely keep their rape extensions zipped. You betray your own philosophy with that attitude.

Inherently exclusionary tact and constant parading of ideological cliches betrays your calls for positive change.

Ok, going on a bender here. In this place there are many self proclaimed feminists who seem oblivious to their ideological herstories. Some elementary pointers that the founding mothers prothletised (this stuff is your ideolgical bedrock)...
1. patriarchy conspires to oppress women,
2. marriage and motherhood = primary means of said oppression
3. women will only be free and equal by eliminating marital families, hence no fault divorce and sytematic devaluation of motherhood since the 70s (a tact changed somewhat now that fems realise inherent power of monopolising all aspects of procreation),
4. parents perpetuate limited gender roles when they raise their own kids, thus gender role indoctrination must be thwarted by having the state raise (indoctrinate) kids. Child care centres? Doctrinal state primary schooling (subtle and overt)?

Then feminists decry the obvious successes of their movement.

For why?

The absolute arrogance of men telling women what feminism is. Its also arrogant to tell the author how she ought to feel about HER pregnancy and HER changing self image.

Unless society has expected YOU to submerge your self in caring totally for someone else you can't even begin to understand the emotional side of pregnancy.

Cristy, if I've misunderstoof you then it is unintentional. Your article seems to suggest that men never face some of the issues you talk about and that is simply not the case. Many of the things you speak about are issues faced by men.

For a start many men struggle with being identified primarily as "breadwinner" - men who want to be active in their childrens lives and who face massive pressure to provide financially ahead of parenting.

As far as I'm aware my sons child care costs me no less than it costs women (in fact my ex used to get it for a fraction of what it costs me). My opportunities for further study are on hold for some time as I deal with the daily issues of parenting.

My career is limited by the requirements of parenting (I'm out of the office when others still have a couple of hours to go).

If you think that you have seen the full weight of societies sexism talk to some single dads who have had dealings with the family law system, C$A, Relationships Australia etc.

The issues you write about are worth writing about but from my perspective seemed to be tainted by a theme that men don't face similar issues. It's true that I'll never be pregnant, as for the rest the pressures may be different but they are still there and not necessarily any less significant.

billie, whilst I don't agree with some of the nay sayers in their views on feminism why should men be silenced about feminism? Cristy did choose to comment on men in her piece. Cristy may write whatever she likes but if she chooses to allow her work to be published on a public forum then her words are open to comment by anybody who abides by the forum rules. If a male had written a piece talking about how hard men have it and suggesting that women don't experience the similar issues would you consider it arrogance for women to comment?

R0bert

From every day feminism, men could mistakenly deduce that women are unlikely to see past their own numerous issues however apparently superficial, to feel any sympathy for their patriarchal oppressors - be they biological or social.

Your average Marxist princess reserves her right to comment on each of her attempted rescues – be it prince or state. Only she knows how she feels, and is therefore perpetually entitled to be disappointed or angry. Difficulty levels of any said rescue mission is no excuse for her ultimate perception of failure.

So why should we write about fatherhood, when its full-time practice, continues our slide backwards? Would taking time off provisioning to write about how we feel, be more noticeable for its dereliction of duties, or for its communication value? I wonder.

Present trends indicate that the prince is more likely to be the village idiot, and that the village more willing than ever to raise their child. I notice that in the US (and we can’t be much behind), for the first time ever, there is a majority of single women. Yes, that means more than 50% of adult women are single. Don’t know how many of them have PhD’s.

Hello Christy,

Um, great. Of course it's not your job to talk about men's experience. I was pointing out that I think you observation that men's "autonomous hopes and dreams are rarely taken away from them just because they choose to breed," is incorrect. Do you stand by this statement?

Being perfectly articulate, I think the comments section, which I regularly find as interesting as the articles themselves on OO, and important for thrashing out a few more ideas, to be the perfect place on which to challenge some of your assertions.

However, you and Country Gal are correct in suggesting we write our own articles. Do they let any old schmo write an article on this forum? I'd love to have a crack. I can assure you I won't lazily dismiss your comments on the grounds that you are not a part of my target audience. Although lying outside this exclusive grouping, I have found your comments and honesty refreshing and enlightening.

I was also making two other points in my post. Firstly, I think the concept of "having a career" is a little glorified and held up as a goal in itself by both sexes. A regular pay-check can provide autonomy, and being in the public sphere is empowering, but it can also tie you down in a monotony as bad as domestic confinement. Could some of the dissatisfaction with feminism/ its perceived lack of progress, be because employment isn't the pot of gold it was expected to be?

Secondly, I wanted to question where the expectation for a soon-to-be father to get a "real job" arises. I would suggest that equal pressure would come from society and the expecting mother. Would I be allowed to refuse my hypothetically pregnant wife's urging to pursue a more respectable career on the grounds that she was trying to impose the gender role expected of me in a patriarchal society?