Is ena really saying be a man/woman about it and have sex with whomever and whenever you like, or am I over-extrapolating her sophistry?

No, I am actually saying you should only have sex with whoever wants to have sex with you - I'm arguing for mutuality and self responsibility, hardly sophistry. It seems you guys seem to think you marry a woman and she owes you regular sex. If your sexual needs are not being met you have many choices, you can accept it and stay in the relationship for other reasons, you can leave the relationship and hope you find someone with the same libido as you, you can have affairs either openly or not, or you can work with your partner in a sensitive, open and non-sulky way to see if you can improve your sex life together. You do not have to be the sullen victim here. Sullen victims are deeply, deeply unattractive. It seems to me the mature response to a problem is not "I'd be happy if only she'd change." but "What can I do to change my situation?"
Being blamed for not wanting sex does not make you want sex - rather the opposite, so such an attitude is ultimately self defeating, it seems to me. Maybe that's what you should change.

ena very well put.

R0bert

A few years ago I said, to my lady love,

"I cant always tell, whether you are interested in making love or not and that I would like for her to let me know."

Now being the usual clueless, uncaring, type neanderthal male or maybe thats cro magnon, I am totally hopeless at figuring out whats going on and wouldn't be able to read the signals even if they hit me on the head.

I usually figure out eventually I am suppose do something, but then it is usually the wrong thing anyway. I gave up trying to learn how to mind read years ago.

However without a doubt the adult response "What can I do to change my situation?" and I agree with Ena about the pathetic sulking victim. I also find the aggressive victim equal pathetic.

I think the term here is "High Maintaince".

The magic in Ena's post is that both work together in a sensitive caring way.

Well ena, thanks for the tip. How insightful. So apart from your many current roles (in no particular order) as mother, wife, cleaner, feminist, workaholic careerist, project manager, financial advisor, psychologist, nurse, chef, navigator, teacher, coach, mentor, judge and jury, social director, resident pole dancer, (and I’m sure I’ve missed a few), you also qualify as a sex therapist. Well ain’t feminism grand!

The problem is this: “No, I am actually saying you should only have sex with whoever wants to have sex with you”. On many levels, this makes perfect sense to a feminist, but to most men, it just shows how out of touch most can be.

No sophistry, just mature linear logic. In just one easy step, one could break that down to “no one should have to do anything they don’t want to” and “everyone should only do what they want to”. Within legal bounds, of course. And herein mostly lies the problem. Our legal framework does not seem to work the same way for men. Here’s a few keywords just to get you thinking in the general direction: misogyny/misandry, victim/perpetrator, choice/responsibility, abortion/contraception, family court/no-fault divorce, residency/CSA, children’s best interest/property settlement, social father/paternity fraud …. And these are just a few pertaining to male-female relationships. Other differences? You bet!

If you love women, try keeping it that way and don’t marry one.

Seeker,
It is sad to see someone who so dislikes 50% of the human race he cannot allow that they are simply ordinary struggling human beings just like he is. Of course women are flawed - every single last one of them is way less than perfect. They make mistakes, are mean, selfish, afraid, insecure and do the right thing for the wrong reason and vice versa. But, and here's the newsflash for you, in this they are just like men.
That's the beauty of human relationships, two deeply flawed people (because there is no other kind) come together and the relationship probably succeeds if they are able to accept one anothers flaws and fails if they are not.
As I say to women I know who complain (in tones rather reminiscent of yours, actually) about being unable to find the right partner, the problem is all you are going to find is an ordinary man or woman, There are no princes or princesses or paragons of virtue. Human beings are all you've got and they are going to get things wrong. Your only option, it seems to me, is to look to your own part in it and forgive others theirs.