joobeky. There really isn't too much wrong with what you have set out except your husband should be getting up at 7.00 a.m, to mind the baby whilst you have a shower and he should then be waking up the children and getting them out of bed and helping with the dressing instead of staying in bed until 8.00 a.m.

In the afternoon he should also be helping you with bathing of the children and the cleaning up after dinner.

That would make it a better partnership. But then again if you are happily married and you have put that routine in place and accept it, then there is no problem!

You have to manage husbands that don’t do it off their own back and designate activities to them and you must do it in a way that ensures that they believe that it will benefit the relationship and be worth their while.

My husband is a firm believer of “If wife is happy – everybody is happy

I’m new to this and interested in what everyone has said. To me, it's simple - there is an order in families, in place for as long as humans have walked the earth and this order determines who does what and how families function. Ignore or misunderstand the order, change it or justify the change with differing theories and the result is varying degrees of dysfunctionality, not just between men and women but also amongst children within families for a couple of generations to come, if not longer.

This statement I make first from my own experience and secondly as a family constellation advocate/practitioner. Family constellation work puts forward an ‘order’ within families and helps sort through the entanglements within it in past and current generations, so that future generations live as much 'tangle-free' as possible.

In a nutshell, men are the heads of families who first and foremost love and accept their women, women love and accept their men and together, nurture themselves and then their children, in the order that they are born (first, second, third, etc) – this includes housework and all things we complain about men not doing. If these places are maintained as defined, albeit through fine balancing and understanding, then things run relatively smooth. Problem is, we often take on place in our family where we don't belong, adopting the attributes of a place which is not ours and then struggle through life to keep up, at great personal and emotional cost.

There is a huge body of work behind my humble opinion, which is far too long to explain in one go. Nevertheless, I agree that there is truth in every comment posted which indicates people’s diverse experiences. I believe, though, that the argument is not about equality - it's about equity and finding an equitable balance within the family order. Check out www.constellationflow.com.au & Bert Hellinger’s work and please consider.

Solutions for women (who want to cut their portion of housework):

Marry down.

"In her 1995 book, Kidding Ourselves: Babies, Breadwinning and Bargaining Power, Rhona Mahoney recommended finding a sharing spouse by marrying younger or poorer, or someone in a dependent status, like a starving artist. Because money is such a marker of status and power, it’s hard to persuade women to marry poorer. So here’s an easier rule: Marry young or marry much older. Younger men are potential high-status companions. Much older men are sufficiently established so that they don’t have to work so hard, and they often have enough money to provide unlimited household help. By contrast, slightly older men with bigger incomes are the most dangerous, but even a pure counterpart is risky. If you both are going through the elite-job hazing rituals simultaneously while having children, someone is going to have to give. Even the most devoted lawyers with the hardest-working nannies are going to have weeks when no one can get home other than to sleep. The odds are that when this happens, the woman is going to give up her ambitions and professional potential." http://www.prospect.org/web/page.ww?section=root&name=ViewWeb&articleId=10659

joobeky, stop doing all that work in and around the home. If you your husband doesn't pick up the slack, get rid of him.

"If women never start playing the household-manager role, the house will be dirty, but the realities of the physical world will trump the pull of gender ideology. Either the other adult in the family will take a hand or the children will grow up with robust immune systems." http://www.prospect.org/web/page.ww?section=root&name=ViewWeb&articleId=10659

I fall into the White male carnivore catergory. The biggest mistake I made was letting my mother read the above article. Last weekend when I invited my new girlfriend over, who do you think ended up cleaning the house?

The 'cleaning wars' is a euphemism for the gender wars. The whole cleaning thing is just smoke screen for personal power trips.

Ever notice how it usually women who complain about mens lack of cleaning? Gee, wot a surprise.

Ever notice its women who define standards of cleanliness? Gee, wot a surprise.

Ever notice that setting thr standard is just a way of making the rules? And making rules is all about POWER. Why do the rule makers complain? Because they have no way to enforce them, aside from emotional and sexual games which tend to be very damaging to relationships.

Ever notice how women use the whole cleaning power trip to essentially chastise a man? Gee wot a surprise. Hmmm, have you ladies stopped to consider that when you berate a hard working man for not cleaning you are invalidating him and his contribution? Have you stopped to cinsider that its quite offensive to men to be actively and overtly UNAPPRECIATED? Ever wounder how men get frustrated when you make everything about you and your needs, all the time, every time?

Why is it a man can live for 10 yrs on 1 hr of housework a week and not die of malnitrition or infection, yet when he marries, all of a sudden 2 hr daily routine become essential to survival?

Ever heard of the managerial economics theory that says time taken to complete a task will expand to fill the time alloted to it? Pading out the time is a way to validate one's contribution. Its rife in the paid workforce, so its doubtful that it doesnt also permeate household chores. Ask your men folk about how people pad out their work days, he will tell you all about it.

Anecdotally,
a female relative recently made a big dog and pony show of how busy her day was cleaning out a spare room. She was very exagerated about it, actually pausing to exhale during the telling like she had just moved a heavy weight. Expalined in great detail every aspect of the process. l had a look at the wor and frankly, it looked like a 3hr spring cleaning job, rather than a 2 day bender.

You ask a woman whow just decorated the interior of a newly built house what she's been up to and she gives you a very detailed break down of the trivial minateau of the process.

You ask a man who finished building the house what he's been up to and he will generally say 'built a house'.

Power games folks. Nothing more nothing less. Us dumbass men can smell those at 500 faces with hay fever and a chili stuck in one nostril.