The main point I was making in my last commment was that women my age are the 'experts' on their predicament, and that they are not being allowed much public space to discuss this subject. The agenda is being set for them by others. I had no intention of attempting to speak for men in my opinion piece, only for women my age. Likewise, I believe that men my age are the 'experts' on their predicament, and I agree with Audrey about the over-concentration of these 'breeding' articles on women -- i.e. as a women's issue rather than one that concerns both women and men. I agree it would be refreshing to hear both sides of the story covered in debate of this issue, and also to hear men discussing their own difficulties in juggling career aspirations/child-raising more often.

Interestingly, from the extracts of Lesley Cannold's book that I've seen, her research seems to indicate that men and women are failing to talk with each other about these important issues, even some length of time into their relationships, which contributes to the 'childless by circumstance' dilemma.

And yes, I have discussed these issues with male friends as well. In fact, one of my friends rang me today to say how entertained he'd been by my piece and that he'd printed out a copy to give to his wife.

Off now to revisit the Book of the Judges...

Eleanor,

I think I agree with you, (eg "I think that what the author has written is a complaint about the “debate” regards fertility, a complaint about her own body, and a complaint about “men”.)

However social science knows very little about men and fathers, or at least the AIFS doesn't. Many comments regards fathers made by persons attached to education systems, research organisations etc have been noted.

Opinion pieces are not that much of an excuse, as males in various organisations have been litigated against for their opinions only.

Too many choices … not enough time. Sounds like it’s hard work, being a girl of any age, with or without children.

I agree there seeker. So many decisions, decisions. And those men. If only they would just agree with whatever they are being told to believe.

I once read an article in a newspaper that contained a series of derogatory remarks about men. I contacted the author and asked where she got her information from about men. She said from office colleges (IE Office Gossip). However I think that office gossip does not make for very good social science research.

I also read an article recently that said that a woman could tell a man’s personality type by studying the shape of his eyes. Round shape eyes would mean that he would have a certain personality type; almond shaped eyes would mean another personality type. But why eyes? Why not ears, lips, noses, chins etc. Who knows?

The main problem is that some people believe this type of thing. The other problem is that these articles are often printed on paper, thereby killing more trees.

Interesting bit of insignificant literary fluff

It is like this, we are all indivuals. Women have one individual choice which we men are not "challenged" with - to get impregnated or not.

We all face challenges - example
which career to focus on as a teenager - then in mid life the crisis of was that the best option (I have been through 4 careers so far and am still uncertain).
Who to marry (done that twice too plus the divorces)
How many children to have (- settled on 2 there).

Women have a different set of challenges they have the "career thing" - like us fellows - but this competes further with the "mother thing" and all its baby bearing / rearing.
So what - be an individual and do not succumb to being classified, catagorised or partitioned into a box to be targetted by some "advertising guru" or (worse) the lab-rat for a manipulative sociologist with a theory to prove.

The only important thing to remember is - "the world does not care", it can and will get on with or without you.
Your choice, your decision -
Whatever you do matters most and only to you -
Make it your "choice" and remember it comes at a price of not doing something else - because no one has enough time in their life to do everything.

Col
as far as it goes, you spoke rightly, as observation. But gee.. it sounds a bit like London weather mate.. "bleak".
As I was reading, I was thinking about the contrast of my own involvement in a local church, and an international mission group for about a decade.. and the 2 are poles apart like east is from west.
Your story sounded much like a ship without an anchor, in a stormy sea with no rescue service. Not a criticism, just an observation again.
Is there room for God in your life Col ?