Grace
I disagree with your comment that women who marry must have rocks in their head, or are in some way mentally deficient. I am smart and I have been married for six years, totally happily and on a real equal partnership with my husband. My guess is that I would be in the same age bracket as your grand children.

House tasks are divided evenly due to likes and dislikes and things like children and how we would go about actually living in the same space were discussed at length before we tied the knot or even lived together. Not formally (tonight we are going to thrash out the bank account issue) but we did talk a lot about our relationship and what we wanted out of it. More importantly we also listened.

We went in to marriage with most of the ground rules worked out. Yes we probably look like a business partnership, but for us it has worked. He is not hen pecked, he is more fussy about how he does the washing than I am (and even my mother is, heaven forbid!) and I am not the house bound working slave woman. He will pick up things off the floor when he comes across them, as I will. I accept that he will do things differently to me because he is another individual. He doesn't multi-task well, I can live with that, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT!

I have heard people say I'll change him, he'll change for me or I'll soon put a stop to that and then wonder why the man they married (or moved in with) is still the person they had 5 years down the track. You can not change what makes someone an individual and perfection in another person does not exist.

The puffy gown and the piece of paper don't change anything in a relationship. Being married is just a way of showing a commitment, and if people choose to show it another way, so be it.

Some people have an unrealistic notion of what marriage or living with someone in a committed partnership and having a family is all about. They have a soap-fueled Hollywood-hyped idea of what a relationship between two people is like. It's darn hard work and would make the boring bits of big brother look like award winning entertainment.

I'm afraid that I see the Disney fairytale fantasy ending is still alive and well in many peoples minds.

Maybe instead of deciding who does the dishes, we should be discussing how to instill relationship building skills in the children that we do have.

Just a couple of rambling thoughts.

Nita, hope you don't me mind butting in, but it is probable that if someone has a positive attitude towards marriage then it will probalby last longer.

An interesting look is at the following web-site http://www.heritage.org/research/features/marriage/index.cfm

This shows a long list of charts (graphs) that have come from longitudinal studies into different types of family arrangements in the US. While the traditional married couple arrangement may not be paradise every day of the week, it is obviously the most optimum compared to every other type of family arrangement in general terms (particularly if there are children).

I have seen those Timithy, there are also Australian studies on families and resilience you can find through AIFS that I find more sound. You have to watch some of those studies, they can be culturally biased and push certain ideaologies or political agendas.

The Heritage Foundations (your link) own blurb says;

Our Mission
Founded in 1973, The Heritage Foundation is a research and educational institute - a think tank - whose mission is to formulate and promote conservative public policies based on the principles of free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense.

You need to look deeply in those studies and their methodology as to who they asked their questions to why and how subjects were chosen. Statements they make like "Single mothers are much more likely to be victims of domestic violence." can be decieving when for example, a lot of the studies single mothers who participated were married and are now single mothers because they left their marriages.

They also compare seperate studies taken over different time periods and different groups of people. You have to read the methodology of 20 differnt studies by different organisations/ government deopartments to see if they really are comparable. The authors are a little quiet on this it appears.

I do agree with you however, that an equitable, stable and happy relationship between parents is the optimal way to bring up your children. I know of de facto relationships that have lasted 20 or more years and a marriage that lasted 8 days, and one that lasted two years. Actually, come to think of it, most of the long term relationships of the people in my circle are not marriages.

It is also fair to say that a positive attitude in most things we would undertake in life would lead to a more positive outcome. What I am saying is that we spend so much time looking for perfection and the happily ever after story that the meaning of what a relationship is be it formally through marriage or informally through a committed long term relationship is lost. I'm not sure that a lot of people have much past the basic skills needed to form healthy strong resilient partnerships.

Oh, and feel free to but in, don't mind at all that's what I like about these on line forum things!

Nita, I agree fully that studies can be deceiving and often biased. The Heritage Foundation is also a conservative type foundation, but I thought that this list was interesting because of the general scope of the list, which incorporates many things. If you want a list of what can be considered important criteria to determine if a relationship is successful, or if children are being successfully raised then such a list might act as a starting point.

This may become an issue with an increased emphasis on educational courses in schools on relationship building. What should those courses contain. What relationships are best or to be encouraged etc.

However on the fertility issue, I think that most children are still being born to married mothers (70%). Perhaps the decline in marriage has also brought about the drop in the birth rate. Whether the nation needs an actually increase in the birth rate is another matter (possibly doesn't for many years yet). But generally speaking, if someone wants children, then it seems that their best option is to get married.

Individual situations may vary, but that would be the general rule.

Just a general comment about the weight of responses to Leslie's opinion piece.

With almost 60 comments and counting, the response to the column would suggest a lot of people care about the family debate in Australia.

While the debate has been between a select few people, it is certainly the longest set of posts i have seen on this site since the comments section started.

More than any environmental, legal, political issue that has been published.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the priorties of people in this country (as a general rule of course).

Certainly family is extremely important to a lot of people - it is just the structure of the family unit and the reasons for relationships that differ.

Are the politicians following this sentiment?

Good question Suspect.

I don't think the politicians are yet paying any serious attention to the the plight of the family. Labor thinks that all women want, is to work, recognising gay marriage is a way to streangthen it, and bedtime reading to children (by fathers I think), rounds off the policy. Liberals think we need a baby bonus. That's about it I think - they seem to have no idea really about the tectonic type pressures building up at the core.