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The Forum > Article Comments > Connecting the dots: porn and women's declining libido > Comments

Connecting the dots: porn and women's declining libido : Comments

By Petra Bueskens, published 5/3/2012

Women keep looking in the 'wallpaper' and it is turning them off!

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briar rose

'Yet the anti porn campaigners stubbornly resist any deeper analysis of the issues. One has to wonder why.'

I fully agree with the rest of your post. But this particular sentence indicates to me that you may be the one who is resisting deeper analysis. You're conflating pornography with cultural pornification - which are two very separate issues.

Pornography is something that individuals choose to look at in private. And they have every right to full freedom of access to pornographic material.

Cultural pornification, on the other hand, is something that EVERYONE has to look at, or at the very least, have to actively try to avoid if they don't want to look at it. Just because some people 'don't see' anything wrong with pornified public imagery does not mean that those who do NOT want it in the public domain should have to lump it - especially when the jury is still out in terms of its effect on children and young people.

Campaigners against pornified advertising and pornified mass entertainment have as much right to lobby for change and regulation as any other acitivist group.
Posted by Killarney, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 8:10:13 AM
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Truth be told 4 times a day might be stretching things for many of us.

Probably modelled around the working week, 5 times most weeks, some overtime and the odd pubic holiday and occasioanl sick leave (but no dodgy sickies please). Prefer annual leave to be taken in small chunks as getting in a temp to backfill is difficult all round (don't want to think about long service leave but it should wait until at least 10 years).

I've mentioned this before but I read a book last years called "365 Nights" where a woman in a relationship that was loosing some of the zest was was looking for a memorable 40th birthday present for her husband. From memory he missed new year's because of ill health and wanted a night off about 10 months in when he wasn't in the mood.\

It's an interesting read, it won't be every bodies perspective and some of the american christain family values stuff may be a little cringe worthy but it's still in my view a valuable look at the issue.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 8:41:02 AM
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killblarney/quote..""Patriarchal cultures..condition both men and women""

yes i agree
so as this libedo thingy..co-incides
a rise in the matriarchal empowerment...is there a link

who knows..men have noted power and powerfull looks
seem to turn many on..[the prety face/car/suit
the super body..fame/availability

even if pety...what turns us mentally
is what turns on our emotional quotant
so lets delve deeper into your wurds

""our sexuality..is culturally programmed..in this way.
..conditioned..from the cradle""
edited

""that men..are in a perpetual state
of readiness..and that women 'respond' to this""

not quite...just as men..got conditioned to accept mums/law/rules
men adapt to the other rules...wash bath/be super clean
all terms that conditionally affect the contact
with the con-tract

its not that men are ready
its that hope springs eternal
especially when the promise is internal
-entry..[of vairiable form and fun-ction]

the bloke wasnt ready
till the inyouendo got heady
and that nmeeds a sign that its might be a go

so the simpletom sends his symptom..up a notch
and a few more notches if not refuted..busting ego bubbles

""This is why so much of women's erotic energies go into being desired..and why...they..obssessed with looking attractive.""

its like putting up a promise{generally}
that never gets payed off..specificly..[individually]
looking hot/good..without looking cheap

""When you're conditioned..that sex
is something that comes..to you,..there's little energy
left over..to fully develop as a proactive sexual..being in your own right.""

as many a hand-some stud..has found
but also those..who learned no dont allways mean go
maybe it means not yet...or im training you to become a pet

you know..them friends
you love so much..except for their sex bits

""Because..you are always..having to react
to their need..for your company,..""

this must be a key

""you're never given the chance to miss them
and actually want THEIR company.""

i dont know..somehow i fel
they are getting..egsactly what they want
a tame bloke..who knows he will never be a lover
[or beloved..as a male..only as a mate..[equate to *not mating}

just being there...
for abuse not actual use
[the backup plan..or just 'a man'...
that on its outside..resembles normality]

just saying
not displaying
Posted by one under god, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 8:45:04 AM
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*I've never subscribed to the cultural belief that men's libidoes are much stronger than women's. There is just no evolutionary basis for this. If that were the case, then mother nature would have programmed the gender ratio to produce far more women than men.*

Not really, Killarney. If men did not have a stong libido wanting
sex, there really would be no good reason to stick around, pairbond
and feed the offspring. There would be another female ready to
go, somewhere else, without all that effort, so why bother?
Posted by Yabby, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 9:17:39 AM
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Killarney,

"Patriarchal cultures condition both men and women to believe that men are the proactive gender and women are the reactive gender."

That's because human males are the proactive gender and females are the "receptive" gender.

"...a proactive sexual being."

While it's likely that women will sometimes overtly initiate sex, as a species phenomena it's usual for the male to take the lead. It seems now that emancipated woman has joined men in the "workplace", she now covets his sexual contingencies as well.

Here's Camille Paglia on this issue:

"Mythology's identification of woman and nature is correct. The male contribution to procreation is momentary and transient. conception is a pin-point in time.....Our lives as physical beings give rise to basic metaphors of apprehension, which may vary greatly between the sexes. Here there can be no equality. Man is sexually compartmentalised. Genitally, he is condemned to perpetual pattern of linearity, focus, aim, direction...the male genital metaphor is concentration and projection.....Man approaches woman in bursts of spasmodic concentration. This gives him the delusion of temporary control of the archetypal mysteries that brought him forth. It gives him courage to return. Women have no problem to solve by sex. Physically and psychologically, they are serenely self-contained..."

Suse,

You opened that post with a reasonable inquiry. You ended it, however, with a snide invitation to men to "move on or shut up."..all very well, of course, but let's not dress up provocative rhetoric as something it's not
Posted by Poirot, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 12:02:30 PM
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'male genital metaphor is concentration and projection...Women have no problem to solve by sex. Physically and psychologically, they are serenely self-contained'

That's so well put. I remember identifying that concept in my late teens, but even now I cant put it into words that well. I have discussed in other gender threads the concept of 'penetration', and how nobody entertains the thought that women 'envelop' men. Even feminists don't. They are all about the predatory male and even some first wave feminists objected to male 'penetration' per se. I suppose all the other male mammals chase females around trying to stick their bits into holes.

It's even evidenced in that term that is always bandied about 'Patriarchy'. Basically a short-hand way of saying all men are bastards, but also a way of denying universally any female culpability for any aspect of society. This positions women as 'reactive' in every way, while conveniently rendering them the innocent victims in any situation. I even believe it is an expression of an exclusively male original sin; Every boy born is automatically guilty for the woe of all women throughout the ages and is never considered at a disadvantage to any individual woman (He's born into and lives with male privilege!).

'Cultural pornification, on the other hand, is something that EVERYONE has to look at, or at the very least, have to actively try to avoid if they don't want to look at it. '

Well, we are born without clothes, and perhaps nudity isn't something to be so afraid of. Perhaps sex isn't something to be afraid of either. Anyway as I said, it's the age of voyeurism in reality TV, natural disaster grief porn, celebrity scandal, facebook and twitter...

'It's like the dishes, we should not have to ask, it should just be part of the relationship.'

Careful r0bert, a statement of 'male entitlement to women's bodies' if ever I saw one! I've been burned on feminist forums for daring to suggest both myself and my partner are entitled to expect sex in our relationship.
Posted by Houellebecq, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 1:49:25 PM
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