Hi all. I have a 10yold niece and she has been asking me about sex and how does it feel or how is it done etc...
Her parents are way too busy and I'm her favourite uncle and pretty much I look after her. I'm only 22yold male and I've been through some positives and negatives in my sex life.

She has told me her and a friend have touched each other in a sexual way when they were at a sleepover. What is a good way to talk to her about it? She won't go anywhere else or ask anyone but only me.
She also tells me that she would like to become a model

Hi Kurtis. I guess you're between a rock & a hard place. I would have a talk to her parents & tell them , in confidence, what your niece has requested.

I have found that children go through various stages of inquiry about Sex. I have also found, contrary to the pushed PC belief, that it's not really "Sexual" at an early age.

Inquisitiveness happens around 4 years old with, "I'll show you mine, you show me yours," & that's about it. Maybe a little feeling but it's not really sexual. Around 10 years old they start to ask some serious questions, but more on the nature of things & how & why thing happen. Usually followed by a lot of giggling & embarrassment (still not knowing why they are embarrassed.)

14 to 16. OMG, This can be Hell & it really all depends on how the first two episodes were handled. If there was a lot of yelling screaming at "You dirty little buggars. You'll fry in the Fires of Hell" then you are going to have a lot, LOT's, of problems. If that approach was used then Attitudes & Mental Health problems abound & you caused them.

If you handled the first episode with distraction & the second with frankness & truth the third episode will be a breeze.

I know kids of that age don't like talking to their parents. They are embarrassed & do naturally turn to a trusted relative. It used to be OK 60 years ago but with PCness today you would be accused of being a Pedo. Still, have a talk with the parents about her inquiry.

Kurtis,

That is not your role and it is highly inappropriate. You are out of your depth anyhow.

Some might go further to say you have already abused her trust and the trust the family and society places in you.

No more talks like that. Quietly demonstrate more separateness, which includes not being alone with her, ever.

Go out and get involved in something, anything that can be a passion in life. It will help you meet people your own age.

No drama either, don't go telling or implying to this child minor that you are withdrawing because... That would be emotional blackmail and damned wrong. Just quietly get on with your life. Allow her to develop at her own pace, with her own friends and accessing the freely available sources of information and support that are around her.

You are not doing the child minor any favours at present, far from it, despite your protestations that you are. ATM it is YOU who would seem to be dependent upon her for friendship, emotional exchange and support. That will not be lost on others (say) the parents of her friends or teachers, now or in the future when serious questions may (likely, WILL) be asked.

As for talking about the child minor with her parents, forget that.

Just stop what you are doing today, immediately. Demonstrate distance and independence. Find your own pursuits. That is enough.

OTB: As for talking about the child minor with her parents, forget that.

I don't agree. The parents have the right to know that the child is curious about sex & that she has approached a third person. That person has an obligation to alert the parents, discretely, to the situation with their daughter. It's the parents job to take it from there.

There is no need for panic, this guy has a dilemma & asked for advice. This is a good thing. If more people asked for advice like this the world would be a better place. Having a panic attack is not good advice.

Avoid any comments this bloke sounds like a pedo

I agree ChrisGaff, this thread should not have been allowed.

Explaining sex to a ten year old niece?

I see that as a parent's job.

If I were you I would confide in the
parents and leave it up to them - and
possibly suggest an excellent book -

"Where Did I Come from?" by Peter Mayle,
which explains things in a very straightforward
way - easy to understand and age appropriate
for a ten year old.

Foxy: I see that as a parent's job. If I were you I would confide in the parents and leave it up to them - and possibly suggest an excellent book.

I'm with you on this Foxy. The Guy doesn't necessarily have to be a Pedo. He seems to be a genuine guy whose been struck with a problem & has asked for advise. Labeling anyone with a dilemma is not very Politically Correct & is inappropriate. Labeling would get you shut down on many forums, such as "The Conversation."

I'm not one for censorship, Chris and I don't see eye to eye very often. Given this is Kurtis first post on the Forum, I agree with Chris and Susie.
GY how about a comment as to why you allowed this very personal topic in the first place, you are not unknown for putting people in the cooler, including Shadow and me for a lot less. In my opinion.

Jayb,

Practically speaking, he is a sexually mature adult but naive. Apparently he is short in the GF and friend departments and by his own admission his earlier tries at relationships have had mixed results. She is developing and confused and will be experimenting, trying her wiles on males. That is normal. What adult hasn't seen that before and maybe has been the object of testing or a crush? You say nothing and steer things elsewhere where necessary.

In this case it could all be easily misconstrued. It could easily get out of order and end in tears.

He needs to demonstrate clear distance and lack of opportunity (most important) by never being alone with the child minor and only being present with her when other adults are present.

He can help her by getting his own life in order and modelling mature behaviour.

Looks like the PC brigade is out in force tonight.

The fear of paedophilia has done more damage than paedophilia itself by creating a wedge between children and adults.

This denies children their natural need for contact with adult friends and mentors. It also denies those who are formally adults but still feel a child at heart, the ability to play with little friends thus properly bring that stage of life to its natural completion.

Young adults may still feel a need to kick a ball with the kids, climb trees or play a board game and the like with younger friends, age-old activities that have nothing wrong about them, yet in this generation, this has become a taboo, forcing them instead, as they fear for their skin of being accused with the 'P'-word, into self-destructing "adult" games such as drugs, sex, drinking, gambling, car-racing, etc.

This wedge is very convenient for government. It sends the adults away, wishing they put their energy into work instead (and pay taxes), so the kids are isolated and left to be indoctrinated without resistance.

Often I find myself wanting to talk with children and explain to them that they should not believe the indoctrination they face in schools, that they should rebel, think for themselves and not become cog-wheels of the state and its economy - but alas, I am well aware that just the fact of talking with children, nothing remotely to do with sex of course, would put me in great personal trouble, raising the equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition against me.

Kurtis,

Do talk with your niece, do answer her questions: tell her that sex is not important, that the temporary pleasure it produces is a design of nature aimed at procreation, but as there are way too many people already on this planet, this is no longer relevant and only creates trouble. Tell her she should rather stop thinking about sex as it would only increase her craving, make her addicted to it and consequently suffer. Tell her also that modelling would never bring her true happiness.

The fact that you have raised this in a forum and not with the parents sounds like you are looking for tacit permission to proceed with something that is absolutely the purview of the parents to handle themselves or those that they trust such as teachers.

One only has to remember the Safe schools debacle.

As others have mentioned, I am worried for your niece.

sounds like the Victorian Govwernment who want to feed the kids porn and then try and teach some sort of morally. What a sick society our wonderful regressives have created.

Yuyutsu,

If you are saying that it is adults who sexualise children's behaviour you are right. There is the seemingly endless and obsessive focus of the feminists below the navel and there is their war against men and boys.

So yes, there are moral panics where a girl's virtue is concerned. Her virtue, her body, is always 'AT RISK'(sic), society having been trained to look for any sign of the expected wickedness and depravity towards girls from the males in her vicinity. Boys in Pre-School are being challenged for trying to dominate and use girls for their own gratification. The 'mothers of girls' do possess remarkably sensitive antennae for that sort of thing and the media and others who should know better join in for the moral panic (or did they encourage it in the first place?).

Teachers and those of us who are parents and have done voluntary work at schools and with sporting and other groups might have other stories to tell. For example, of the girls whose skirts shrink between home and school. Or girls who get together to wear a French style beret seen on some music clip and try to be provocative (it is only experimenting), but the boys don't seem to notice (thank goodness).

But belay all of that. Our duty as adults is usually better expressed through ignoring what WE might construe as sexual behaviour of pre-adolescents and adolescents and to allow youth to primp, pose and experiment in safety and largely unnoticed, with no fuss that confuses and complicates simple matters.

Parents know their children well enough to know what is stuff to be ignored as a growing stage and when to step in with advice and boundaries. It is their role. Parents can get advice where needed and many do.

The OP should not be presuming to take over the role and responsibilities of the parents. He is out of his depth anyhow.

......ridiculous premise, self satisfying, hedonistic......weirdo........

Dear OnTheBeach,

You are correct in saying that it is adults who sexualise children's behaviour, but this was not what I've written about so I suspect that you could have missed the point I made.

My point is that due to this fear of child-sex, even more damage has been made than child-sex itself. The PC witch-hunt and overwhelming fear of being accused with the 'P'-word deprives both children and adults of healthy non-sexual contact which is important for the psychological welfare of both.

Posted by Kurtis, Monday, 25 April 2016 5:53:20 PM

Kurtis, this is an incredibly dangerous topic as you are perhaps finding out. I think your niece trusts you and that is why she is revealing to you.

However you need to run to the nearest hills or else I feel that this is going to end very badly for you.

Despite the obvious signs, and the warnings from two of the wiser heads on the forum, a couple of forum regulars took great delight at the flattering request for "advice", they quickly jumped in with their amateurish fatherly opinions to a unknown newbi the "22 year old Uncle Kurtis" who appears to be rather suspect as to what motivated his original post. Good one fella's!

Dear Paul,

What's wrong about giving people the benefit of the doubt?

A paedophile would find no support in my words, but others who are passive readers that face a similar problem may benefit.

The rush to condemn and convict has turned a relatively infrequent issue into a major societal break-down.

I have no trust in the regime's crocodile-tears, claiming genuine "concern for children's welfare". Where is this concern for example when they incarcerate the innocent children in schools for about 12 years? What's truly happening is that the regime is eager to produce a gap between generations so that it can enter that gap itself - and it just happened to find a golden opportunity for its sinister plans in the sexual abuse of children, which then allows them to portray themselves as "saviours" as well as to stage expensive royal commissions to provide entertainment for the masses, banking on their pornographic attraction for gallows.

The mistrust of adults by children and the fear (thus avoidance) of children by adults is far more damaging than the occasional sexual abuse, wrong as it is.

Yuyutsu,

I agree that the OP should be given the benefit of the doubt.

Apologies to you for not replying earlier to the point you made about fears giving rise to more fears. Examples,

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/22/opinion/sunday/judith-shulevitz-hiding-from-scary-ideas.html?_r=0

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/11/13/safe-spaces-on-college-campuses-unconstitional-say-law-experts.html

'Safe' places for women being proposed by feminists are unquestionably aimed at hardening the feminists negative stereotype of men and boys as threats to women and girls. "If there is a need for safe places 'they' MUST be a threat, right?" and so the neural pathways are laid. Nasty.

In PC Oz, any older gent who rests on a park bench to rest and enjoy nature is now to be regarded with suspicion. A school near me was in lockdown a few years ago after a vigilant teacher noticed an older bloke standing with a hand on the fence of a school. The fence is a metre off the pathway.

After the poor old gent was taken away and interviewed by police it was found that he had been walking the same route for years, but was suffering more from a chronic health problem. He is now unable to make the bus seat without a stop. You'd think that one of those women teachers who were grouped up in strategic vantage points to monitor his movements might have taken a glass of water to him to enquire if he was OK.

Kurtis Child protection is like robbing a ba nk. A teller might want to give you money but wont. You mihgt be tempted to take advantage but wont because of jail. It should be the same with children but our rotten world wants to commercialise anything and everything. You could get a job with FBI as a decoy to catch pedeos. cheers